So, with thoughts about whether the animals also have a piece of the Superior Intelligence in them and whether they go through their own process of evolution of the soul, I went to bed. It was the night of January 28, 2011. I know this since I first started a diary of spiritual experience after what happened when I woke up in the morning of that day.
It was an unusual dream about birds. I tried to remember the details and write them down, but my record is full of question marks. One part was about the knowledge that was imprinted in animals, so that later they could remember them in life. Further in the dream appeared an etheric force field and something about communication. Then the scene of the dream moved to a circular stone tower. Michel Desmarquet and some other dark man were there. They were in a boat. Two plants grew in the water, and one was broken by Michel who was very upset about that plant resembling pineapple leaves. Then the dark man began to play with Michel's knee (or something like that) and…
I woke up. In front of my closed eyes, I saw Thao's face. Her eyes were emanating waves that seemed to be spreading towards me – as if someone had simultaneously thrown two identical stones into a quiet lake at a short distance from each other. I asked in my mind in English: “Thao, are you here?”
On that night, the bank's air conditioners were turned on, but they did not make too much noise. Then I fell asleep and had other dreams, after which I woke up and again saw Thao's face in front of my closed eyes. I do not remember what those dreams were about. When I woke up, I decided to create a text file where I began to record and save all the spiritual experience that I had in this life.
In May of that year, I started working as a freelancer. My self-taught programming allowed me to complete several Flash projects. A month after my freelance work, I received my first payment to the bank card. Then I could hardly go outside, but still I reached the bank below. To do this, I had to go around my house, which in those days was a real challenge for me, given my physical and psychological condition.
Then I often thought about getting money, and one night I had a dream where children asked whether it was normal to constantly want to get paid. I thought about it and I tried to pay more attention to what I could learn from my work as a programmer, instead of worrying about whether the client would pay me or not. As for the money, after I was deceived and not paid $50 after my second project, I asked next clients to set up a 75% “milestone” of the agreed cost of the project. I sent files only after I saw real money in escrow – by and large this was a strong recommendation of the website itself, on which I received my contracts. Therefore, I was protected financially. As for the remaining 25%, I never asked people to send them, but absolutely all clients paid the rest of the money. I am glad that most of the people I worked with were honest.
After some time, I began to learn PHP, CSS, HTML5, and JavaScript. I realized that I like HTML5 more than Flash, which I said goodbye to.
Unable to go outside, I spent time at the computer. At one time, I became interested in Apple products and probably looked at all the Keynotes hosted by the charismatic Steve Jobs. I wanted to have a laptop from his company, but when my freelancer salary allowed me to buy a modern laptop from Amazon, I just could not pay more than a thousand dollars for a laptop, the components of which were several years worse than what I ultimately bought. It was a refurbished laptop from MSI for a little less than a thousand and a half dollars. It was only slightly inferior to the best laptops of the time.
While I was waiting for the parcel from the USA, I started playing GTA: Vice City. The very game that consumed me in the tenth grade, but this time I played it in English, and it was an official copy bought on Steam.
In those years, I was often very nervous and very easily annoyed, since even though I tried to strive for something, hoping that everything would change in the future, I could not forgive myself for my mistakes. I often yelled a lot if something did not work out for me, or if something just annoyed me. One of those days was no exception, and when I played the video game, I hit my laptop keyboard hard with my fist. It turned off, but still was able to turn on and continued to work properly. I was lucky then, but not having learned the lesson, I hit the laptop again, and this time it went out forever. This action was terrible also because a few months earlier, in a fit of anger, I broke up another laptop, which I bought for twenty-five thousand rubles, naively believing that I would go to the USA where I would need a laptop with Wi-Fi. I was in such a wild state then that nothing was left of the laptop screen. Somehow, I managed to persuade my mother to buy me a new cheap laptop for sixteen thousand – which I ruined with my blow. Earlier, when I had not yet worked as a merchandiser, I threw my twelve-thousand-ruble phone. The hit on the hard tile of the toilet deformed it so that the screen showed only white color. As a merchandiser, I saved up money for a new phone for about the same twelve or thirteen thousand. Alas, but it was also broken by me. Fortunately, I learned from mistakes after all and decided to buy myself the cheapest phone for a thousand rubles. It was just a cell phone that pleased me for a while. But it too was destined to fly out the open window of my apartment. As a result, I threw a little over sixty-six thousand rubles into the wind… and if you also count the replacement of the matrix of an old laptop with the purchase of an unnecessary, cheap monitor for a temporary screen, the figure will be even higher.
I think that this dark series of events made me realize that even though I found the truth about life thanks to Thiaoouba, I was not even remotely as happy as I was when I did not know what I learned later about life. Naturally, I treasured my experience with Thiaoouba and Thao, as well as my knowledge, but as soon as I remembered my mistakes, all my happiness and love for life immediately changed polarity.
Meanwhile, the laptop was delivered to the post office. I just needed to go there. In reality it was not so simple, but I managed to deal with my fears. The computer was fully operational and worked several times faster than the previous deceased brother. And after I bought an SSD, it became almost perfect. On that first day with a new laptop, I tried to note in my head that whatever would happen, I would not break it. It is March 29, 2020, and I am writing these lines on the same notebook that I have never “offended”, having learned from some of my mistakes.
Before breaking the laptop, I was enthusiastic to continue working as a programmer at home. But the fact that I continued to destroy the things around me greatly wrecked me. Many months passed before I again began to take up new projects from time to time.
Having a new laptop and no longer having the desire to work, I started playing video games on it, which used to run at five frames per second on minimal settings. But at that time, I could play StarCraft 2 and GTA IV on maximum settings.
There was a case when months earlier I started playing video games again after I got sick and lay in bed with a fever. I downloaded Quake II to kill time and have some nostalgia, and during the playthrough I received a message saying that I started playing again – I do not remember if it was a telepathic message or a message in a dream. I deleted the game and went doing other things and continued my self-education. But the seed was sown, and from then on, I began to buy games and play them from time to time, which took more of my time than I would like.
From time to time, I still tried to write scripts. I tried to develop one of the ideas to the end. My cousin suggested that I give it to read to one of her acquaintances on television. The script was called weak, which was not a big surprise, since I wrote it in a hurry and I was not really thinking about the spiritual, so to speak, side of the script. The story did try to teach the main characters something, but the execution was weak and banal. Naturally, not a single Hollywood studio was interested in this script.