But I also had a chance to find out two more things important to me. When the cousin came, whom I had not seen for a long time, she was clearly of old age. It was a surprise for me to see her very changed face, since the last time I remembered her she was a very beautiful woman, and in very early childhood I even had a little crush on her, not understanding then about family ties… But at the same time with that discovery happened another moment when I spoke, and this time she was in shock to look at my face. Remembering the video of myself that I recorded after the shock of the second prostitute, I perfectly understood what was the reason for that new awkward episode…
It was evening when I was sitting in bed with my laptop in my lap, trying to direct my imagination in the right direction of screenwriting. Then, for yet another time, I began to focus my mind on what is in the present and not in my imagination. I clearly remember how I realized then that my habit of fantasizing is a very serious thing that cannot be underestimated. It must be treated as a disease or something else that really threatens life.
As I already wrote, before during the moments of full presence in the present moment I became clouded over with sadness. I wanted to enjoy life, and not live in misery. Due to the scarcity of my spiritual and material knowledge at that time, I returned to imagination, motivating it with the fact that I actually knew from my own experience that it was very easy to get out of this state – you just need to focus on five senses, rejecting all other thoughts that have nothing to do with the surrounding reality.
But this time was different, and I was implacable in my decision to live in the present. Soon, I accidentally looked at my palm and saw on it something that most certainly had not been there before – a short line crossing over my life line.
I only read a little about palmistry. I cannot say that I totally believed in it, but I cannot say that I did not believe in it either. I am neutral in this matter, about which more serious scientific research should be conducted. Nevertheless, the knowledge that I had influenced my decisions. For example, I made a rather ridiculous decision to continue to masturbate based on the fact that under the little fingers of my hand there were lines that, as far as I know, in palmistry mean that a person will have children. I made myself believe that masturbation would not affect the search for my mate for life since I was “destined” to have children.
Then, a very long time ago I read about the case when a fortuneteller foretold a man on his arm that he was destined to die soon by suffocating. Fearing that someone would strangle him, he went to the desert where there would be absolutely no one. Soon, a sandstorm rose in the desert, and the man suffocated from a lack of oxygen. I used to think that story was true, not seeing some problem moments with logic of that story.
And so that evening I was staring at the newly formed short line on my palm, recalling what I wrote about in the previous paragraph, as well as the fact that a long time ago in the village I also had a clear red sport appear on my life line right when I was thinking of suicide, and it immediately disappeared after I came to my senses. I knew then that that short line was the direct consequence of my decision to completely rebuild my thinking and live in the present. And I thought I knew then that that short line crossing the life line means death. But I was relentless in my decision and did not intend to turn off, because I decided then that it would be better for me to die than to live in such a wildest state of consciousness when I could hardly be called a man. I thought that I already knew in this life everything that could be learned from my experience with imagination, and therefore there was no reason to return to that state of my own free will.
That night I had a dream where in the schoolyard in front of my house the father of my best childhood friend approached me. He told me then that there is still something to learn in this life.
When I woke up, I thought about the message of that dream and decided that I would continue to dream, but I would only do it “slightly”. The short line was no longer on my palm.
I decided to continue working, but soon realized that I was starting to get bored of working as a freelancer. Based on what projects I did, I decided to create my own website where I would sell my web applications. I made a couple of applications, made a website, and worked on the integration of a payment system. I remember how I wanted to make a feature of free trial of the application before buying it, and I had a button with the screaming name “Try before you buy!”
It was day and then suddenly I saw Thao's face in front of my open eyes. The vision disappeared after a moment. One of the reasons for this vision was that it allowed me to understand that I did not want to trade anything at all, since it went against my nature, my principles and knowledge. I stopped working on the payment system and shifted my focus to ad units. As a result, that website with web applications never saw the light of day. Another indirect reason was that it was another indisputable evidence that Thao really existed, which meant that all the events described by Michel Desmarquet in the book Thiaoouba Prophecy really happened. Of course, I did not need any more evidence, and I did not look for it, but if earlier, in theory, someone could say that me seeing Thao’s face before my closed eyes right after sleep was some kind of a residual dream, or something like that, now it was no longer possible. I should also mention to you that to this day it was the only vision that I saw before my open eyes. All the others happened only when my eyes were closed.
By the way, until that event that happened during the day, I had a few more moments when after waking up I saw Thao's face in front of my eyes closed. But once, instead of Thao, the face of Biastra appeared before me. Why? Firstly, the previous day I walked along the street and decided to stop thinking about what I should do, and starting to live in the present – it was a sign for me that I was on the right track. Such visions after sleep often occurred after I made the right decision on the previous day, and the unexpected vision of Thao in the middle of the day meant the opposite, that I was going the wrong way. And secondly, I think that this was before my vision of Biastra’s face, when I received a message saying that Thao was busy at that time and could not be distracted by me for some time – and for some considerable time after that message I actually stopped having dreams with Thao, and I did not have any other unusual occurrences happen to me. I realized then that the message was from Biastra.
In that segment of my life, I almost always lay in bed not being able to walk a couple of meters from the door of my apartment. I often watched YouTube and I got interested in photography. When I was still working as a courier, I was thinking about buying a camera, but in the end, I bought an expensive phone with a high-resolution camera. The quality of the images left much to be desired, although the macro photos were pretty good. Now I had done what would have been nice to have done before – I learned better about cameras: sensor size, aperture, photosensitivity, etc. I was thinking about buying a camera, but I had very little money left after buying a laptop. I knew for sure that I wanted a camera with a large sensor, but I did not know which one.
One night I had a dream in which I was told something like: “We will buy you a camera”. I confess that in the morning I had questions for this dream. Firstly, I was a little confused by the fact that Thiaooubians (from whom I thought that dream came) spoke about money – although now I understand perfectly well that each tool can be used for the benefit of others, and money is no exception, even if it is one of the main dangers to humanity that Thao spoke about. Secondly, during that dream, I had a feeling of “parenthood” emanating from the speaker. Of course, if we recall that our Planet of Sorrows is comparable to a kindergarten, then Thiaooubians could well be comparable to the “parents”. But, I think, I felt a little awkward because my mother was in the same room with me, and somewhere in the back of my mind I did not want to “betray” her. It is not easy for me to describe all those feelings in words, but the important thing is that soon in one of the stores there was a discount on a camera with a Micro 4/3 mount. The discount was 30%, and the camera itself was perfect for me. It was compact and lightweight, as were its lenses. The quality of the pictures was very good for my modest needs. I spent ten thousand on it.