But on the other hand, help continued to come from the people of Thiaoouba in the form of a series of dreams that I had on different days.
In the first dream, which I had before I left the film and TV Series groups, the following was said: “We will be giving you messages. Some we will allow you to keep and some not”. After that, I had a dream in which I was waiting for the message that I could keep. Messages actually came.
In the first dream I was told that I should stop masturbating. What was interesting in this message was the feeling of the presence of a great mind. I almost always used the word “дрочить” (to jerk off) to describe my actions. Instead the word “masturbate” was used in the dream, and I could feel that the being whom belonged that beautiful female voice was highly intellectual and spiritual.
There was a time when I was able not to masturbate for a very long time and requested the next dream. It came.
One dream from this series said that I should not quarrel with my mother; another said that I should start educating myself; the next one said that I needed to stop talking to myself.
These instructions were given to me a couple of years ago, and I tried to follow them. I had problems with the first and last. But on the other hand, I was studying various things and I almost always politely spoke with my mother, even if she was in a bad mood.
Due to my physical and mental state I completely forgot many important details of my life. Only in the spring of 2013, leaving my house for a walk, I thought about something and suddenly realized that these four messages are the exact copy of my own four rules which I wrote down a long time ago and hung on the glass of the kitchen door in order to remember! I did not know then that this was one of the most important moments of my life, followed by very important unforeseen consequences. I had other dreams with messages the contents of which I forgot – these were the dreams that I could not keep.
This understanding shed light on another message from Thiaooubians which said: “Ты всё правильно говоришь” (You are saying everything correctly). For a long time I thought that they meant my thoughts about earthly problems and how to solve them, but then I realized that most likely they were referring to my four rules. Or maybe they meant both – who knows?
But even though some of my thoughts were correct, my actions did not follow them. I watched the news and was unhappy with what they said about public order, money, and so on. After reading Thiaoouba Prophecy, I perfectly understood that a truly civilized society should live without money, which is the main danger to people. The political system is also unnecessary, which has no place in a united society that elects its leaders based on their spiritual parameters, such as: wisdom, common sense, integrity, and intelligence. A lot of interesting and important things were said by Thiaooubians about religion and journalists, which I have already briefly talked about. And so, I expressed to myself my dissatisfaction with the wrong and unjust things pronounced by many “high-ranking” people. Then I received a message saying: “You’re not doing anything to help either”. It was so…
Although I already knew the truth about stuttering for a long time, the consequences of many years spent hiding from people who could talk to me still had their effect. And the recent negative events with the girls were an additional barrier. But after that dream I started trying to do at least something. Sometimes I wrote comments to some videos, sometimes I wrote about my experience on ufology forums, which I have not visited ever since, or visited them many years later to understand that even ufologists were rather skeptical about both Thiaoouba and me. I also thought about making a video about my experience with Auras, but I constantly put off this idea…
Once a girl replied to me in the comments. She did not read the book because there were no “quotations” in it. She did not even bother to find out what kind of book this was. I told her about my experience and that we can learn on our own experience about the existence of many things that are mentioned in the book. I told her about the simplest thing that can be done to prove to oneself about the existence of the Higher Self – to ask your own Higher Self to wake you up at a certain time in the morning. She did not listen and continued to talk about her “quotations”… Of course, you should not judge other people by looking at one person, but this still shows that at present there are very few people who are ready to engage in self-development. Many people think that everything should be given to them just like that… of course, to some extent I myself had a similar point of view before I found Michel's book…
My four rules were not the only thing that I forgot about because of my decision to continue living in my head. It may seem strange, but for some time I was upset that I had never had sex with a girl, and only after some time I remembered about my experience with prostitutes. However, is it correct to count that experience in if this happened not because we loved each other, but because those girls were some of the victims of capitalism?
During that same spring of 2013, I went to read an American health forum. It had a lot of topics about sex and related problems. Someone asked about the physiology of the body, someone inquired about the age limits, and others worried about their labia, fearing that their partner would not like them.
The latter interested me, because the answer said that the labia are different, and if the person is normal, then he will love the girl for who she is. Another woman said that her lady bits are simply enormous, and on the contrary her partner really likes it.
It was exactly then that I felt an electric touch on my hand! Looking at the clock, I saw that it showed 33 minutes.
Thanks to that topic on the forum, I began to fantasize at night before going to bed. My imagination led me to fantasies about Natasha, who took my virginity. I continued to dream about her, and every fantasy revealed more and more real details… and then the block that I put on myself at the last minute of my visit to Natasha was dissipated!
The feeling of love that I had for Natasha six years ago immediately returned to me. I was in exactly the same state as I was when I fell in love with her! I had a feeling that it was as if I had returned to the past, for everything became so clear to me!
But then it became clear how much time had passed, and I was in despair!
Chapter 7. Half-Life
For many years I did not ride the subway because of my health condition, and therefore I could not immediately go to Avtozavodskaya.
Every day I went outside, trying to go further and further. I hated myself for making a decision so many years ago to block my love and memory of Natasha. I hated myself for the fact that this was the second time that I deliberately blocked a person by putting up a mental barrier with false or incomplete information.
Previously, all my thoughts about Natasha led me to the misty thought that she herself made her choice – to my block that I set up for myself and which worked so perfectly. For a moment I began to remember her during my English classes, but the block did not allow all the important knowledge about Natasha to flow outside.
Every day I experienced the wildest heartache inside of my chest, remembering what I did. It was as if I was being devoured by a black hole from inside, and it was not possible to get out.
There was a moment when in early childhood my mother and I just left the house in Moscow when I felt a pain in my stomach. We returned home, and for a long time I experienced the most terrible pain in my life. I do not know what was the cause of it, but I know that the mental pain that I experienced every day was not any easier, and maybe much more intense! I thought I was going to die.