After my first visit to the dentist, I began to wonder why the girl with the dog decided to go so abruptly in my direction. She could calmly walk to the lawn the way she originally walked. Moreover, that path was much safer, since there were tiles on the turn which were laying on the same level with the tram tracks. In the place where she decided to go, she had to step over the paths, as a result of which the risk of injury was much higher.
This is something that I learned about on my neck when in the frost I put my foot on the steel rail and the sudden slipping led my foot to the right so sharply that the transmitted impulse to my neck was felt for several minutes in the form of very severe pain. I was lucky that there was no fracture, and from that moment I either cross the tracks where the concrete blocks lie, or I do not step on the metal. Then, if for some reason she was afraid of me, she could go the other way, and not go behind me. Having all this data, I thought that maybe that man was her brother, and she just wanted to meet me, giving me such a peculiar hint.
I also thought about the reason for love at first sight. Then I began to often search on Google for everything that bothered and interested me. Love was no exception, and I was surprised to find out that some people do not believe that love at first sight exists. I thought they were skeptics, but maybe they do not believe that you can just fall in love with a person at first sight, and not become obsessed with him.
One way or another, I could not help but notice that exactly half my life had passed since I fell in love at first sight with another blonde, when I was 14 years old, and I was in the 9th grade. And the fact that it was playing “Half Life” that I gained lip asymmetry made me think even more strongly that there was a spiritual meaning behind all these events.
Reflecting on love at first sight, I came to the conclusion that, perhaps, both blonde girls played an important role in one of my past lives. Perhaps I loved them then, and, being in close physical proximity to them, remembered this love? Like the love for Natasha surging over me again with great force when my block was destroyed. Why then did not they fall in love with me at first sight? Perhaps they never loved me the way I loved them? In any case, this is only a theory, an attempt to find meaning in everything that happened…
It was about three in the afternoon when I went outside. Heavy snow started to fall, but it did not bother me. Suddenly I saw a familiar figure walking with a dog. Due to snowfall and severe darkness, I did not dare to approach the girl so as not to frighten her. In addition, she obviously turned her head away from me when she passed me. When I walked a bit further and turned around to look at her, she did the same.
It is worth saying that another reason why I did not get to know her then was the fact that I was paralyzed at the thought of meeting a girl. Once I did not take seriously the question of the girl playing basketball which hinted to me that I was really afraid of women. Now I could no longer lie to myself – I really felt fear, being next to the girl I liked, and with whom I wanted to talk.
There was a moment when I was passing near a house, and then there was a squeak of the opening door in the entrance. That same girl with a dog was coming out from there. It seemed to me that she wore a red winter hat under the hood. I said: “Hello!” – and she answered likewise, going further. I did not approach her.
Several weeks passed, and it was January 2017.
It was Friday the 13th when I again saw the young woman in blue. She went with her dog to the dog park. I realized then that this was a great chance for getting to meet her, and I could not miss it.
The young woman threw the dog’s toy too hard, and it flew over the fence. She went after it, and I thought to meet her at the gate to the dog park. But the woman went by a long way to another gate.
On the one hand, it was clear to me that she was not interested in talking with me, but on the other hand I could not just leave, as I had already done this more than once and bitterly regretted that I was weak when I needed to be strong. The second hand outweighed the first.
I went to the other entrance, took courage, took a breath, and said something like “Hello!” to the back of the woman. I think that she turned only after the second, louder greeting. It turned out that her hair was dyed dark-red. I explained to her that I lived nearby and decided to get to know her. She replied that she was very pleased. I told her my name, and she told me hers – Marina.
At that moment, I immediately remembered Marina with dark red hair, because of whom my mother had a big argument and broke up with my father! As a spiritual person, I knew that it was not just a coincidence that the first girl I met in this life face to face was called Marina, and she dyed her hair dark red.
A moment later, a man with a small dog approached the gate. He asked me if I wanted to go in and shut the gate. He and Marina began to talk, and she obviously did not pay any attention to me. Starting to feel heartache, I began to leave slowly and silently. After a few steps, I could not help but notice the laughing janitor. I realized that he saw absolutely everything and laughed at me. I started to feel even worse.
I came home completely dispirited.
Going to bed, I began to watch the stream from WELOVEGAMES.
I could not hold back the tears that evening, while other people had a good time. But I also saw a smoldering spark of joy within me. After all, for the first time in my life I did what I had to do half my life back when I was 14 years old – I approached to meet the girl I liked.
Chapter 8. Simple Truths
I think that because of the often-used imagination, I started to think again what if I left early? Perhaps she wanted to talk to me, but she just wanted to talk to her acquaintance first? Plus, I never found out if she had anyone. I decided to approach her again to answer my questions.
I did not have to wait too long near her house when she went out to walk the dog. She saw me and went the other way. I headed towards her, but she went to the sidewalk. I tried to call her, but she did not turn around and continued to walk forward. I must say, I do not know if I spoke loudly enough. My mother’s sister used to say that I was very quiet, and she did not hear what I was saying. The fact that it was hard for me to speak because of the still present fear did not help me either. The same can be said about the noisy road, near which we walked.
I do not remember how, but I finally caught up with her. We said hello. Since I was afraid of dogs, I asked if hers did not bite. I was a little surprised that Marina clearly emphasized that the dog might bite if someone attacks. Her intonation showed that she had a distrust of me. But why? After all, I recently met her, and she said that she was very pleased.
However, she willingly agreed to go with me.
We came to the dog park and started talking about different things. During the conversation, I saw that there were no rings on the fingers of her hands, and I thought that she was not married and single. Seeing how willingly she spoke to me, I thought that I would have a girlfriend. But just when I thought about it, she mentioned something about her husband. I expressed my surprise, and she, in turn, was surprised that I did not know. It turned out that the man with whom I saw her was indeed her husband for 13 years. She mentioned that they studied together after school, but did not date. He took her to him when he bought a motorcycle from her brother. I remembered it well, as I was somewhat surprised how easily some people can find their love.
This news subsequently influenced me, because before that I did not want to “just” meet with an unknown person. I needed a backstory, something unusual, and for this I needed to have acquaintances whom I no longer had. I think this was because in childhood I often fell in love with girls and because of this I did not think that you could find your love just by meeting people on the street; I did not understand that you can fall in love with one another just in the process of conversation.