In conclusion of my one-sided story with Alyona, it is interesting to note that of the more than a hundred girls whom I approached to try to meet after Marina, none had dyed red hair.
After all the pain that I had to endure because of love, I thought for many months that I could never fall in love again. But then one day I was buying groceries in a store, and I saw a young woman with dark hair. At the first glance at her I felt that same feeling of inexplicable craving for her, a sense of love. She noticed me and hurried to leave. I do not know exactly what was the reason for her worry, but I have a couple of assumptions. My feeling of falling in love quickly faded away, but I learned that I can still feel love no matter what.
Closer to winter, my mother and I returned home after cleaning our father’s apartment. We got into a trolley bus where a teenage guy from the southern regions looked at me, wryly laughing. He told his friends something about the fact that this person is probably a homosexual (I do not include his swear words so that the book does not receive a large age rating). Of course, I knew that this was about me because, apparently, even the slightest loss in myself was still highlighted on my face.
This was an important moment for me, because for the first time I was able to not have any bad feelings, thoughts, and fantasies about an ignorant person, remembering everything that I realized over the years. I just realized once again the fact that I need to be in reality at 100%, and not at 99%, since people will see even the 1%. As for the guy himself, sooner or later life will punish him for his actions. I do not need to become an executioner, as this will be a mistake for which I will have to pay with suffering. Moreover, thanks to such people, others can understand that something is wrong with them and make appropriate adjustments in their lives in order to live happily, or even much happier – is this not the best punishment for the offender? Naturally, sooner or later the hour will come when the current ignoramuses themselves will begin to suffer for their mistakes, and then other ignorant people will help them in their spiritual growth. And then the story of life will be repeated again and again, and the cycle will continue until the Universe ceases to exist…
I was growing up spiritually, becoming able to calmly look at all the events of my life – both good and bad.
Another time, my mother and I returned home, and conductors entered the bus. I always placed the Troika card on the validator and therefore I was surprised when I was told that I did not pay the fare. I said that I placed the card, and the validator turned green, but did not squeak. An attractive conductor girl, laughing and looking askance at me, went to check the availability of money on the card. They were on the card. I asked to give me my card so that I could lean it against another validator and pay for the ride twice – we had already passed our stop, and I wanted to go out, as we were carrying heavy bags. I was refused, and my card was not returned to me. I was not allowed to buy a ticket either. A male conductor held me and did not let me go out of the bus. They wanted to write a fine of a thousand rubles. I refused to give my passport, and they said to go to the police station to establish my identity. Due to the presence of my mother and heavy bags, I gave them my passport after all and asked where I need to appeal the absolutely unlawful fine.
The address was written on the penalty receipt, and I had to go by the MCC to the Baltiyskaya station.
My path lay to Kosmonavta Volkova Street, and I was not at all surprised that I was destined to go past old familiar places where I used to go to visit my aunt.
I could not help but notice the peculiarity of Stalin's houses which pleased the eye with their architecture even in cloudy weather. This cannot be said about the Khrushchev houses and even about some modern houses.
In the building I needed, I was not the only one who wrote a statement to appeal the fine. There was a young couple next to me, and from their conversation it was clear that the controller simply did not let the girl, who just entered the transport, to approach the validator and wrote her a fine for no reason.
A few days later I received a message that my fine was canceled. Justice triumphed, and thanks to this unexpected experience, I learned something new about life and people. I do not know about the fate of inadequate conductors, but I am satisfied with the fact that sooner or later the Universal Law will make itself felt to them too.
I tried to remember that you should not give your card out of hand to anyone and you always need to keep your passport in your hands.
In January, I had my third time when I woke up in the middle of the night and had a clear realization in my head. Before going to bed that day, I was waiting for a stream of “The Witcher 3” video game from one girl, but she put a “host” on her friend, whom she was visiting. That friend calmly talked about all types of sex and talked about how she finally wanted to have already forgotten sex with an unfamiliar guy at the weekend. So, the thought in my head that night said that all beings (people) want and think about sex. I am not alone.
In confirmation of this, we can talk about the case when I woke up at night in an aroused state, could not help but think about sex, and could only fall asleep after masturbation. I went on the Internet to search for similar cases and found a story almost identical to my case in the English forum. At the end of the story, it became clear that the author of the post was a girl. So, all people want sex the same way. The gender does not matter.
On January 6, 2019, I had a dream about a parrot that I held tightly in my hands. The short version of the dream is that I walked with him in the village where my aunt once lived. I lovingly spoke with the parrot and showed him the surroundings, not seeing that the bird was looking around because it wanted to break out. I kissed his head and soon realized that I was squeezing the bird too much and loosened my grip. It was still light when the parrot spun in my hands, and I turned and walked back. When I came to the aunt's house, there was already total darkness. Holding the bird in one hand, I opened the gate with the other and realized that the bird was exhausted and became 1-3 centimeters long. In the house I exclaimed: “Why is there no cage!?” – as if it should have been there. I was looking for it, but could not find it. Blue light shone from the northwest side of the house, emanating from unknown source. I could not find where to put the parrot, and I could not just let him go, being afraid that he would fly away or get hurt. I thought to put him in a bowl for food, but was afraid to kill the bird by punching holes for air in the lid. I decided to cover the bird with some long plastic jar and attached it with tape to the table. In the end, I realized that the plastic cut the parrot into two parts in the process. He was still alive, and I did not know what to do… What remained of the parrot fell into the trash.
Thinking about the dream, I remembered about Thao's teachings that animals also have free will. Therefore, keeping animals in captivity is most likely a mistake in most cases.
At the beginning of February 2019, seeing that I was able to travel far and I felt good in general, both physically and psychologically, I agreed to translate Michel Desmarquet's book Thiaoouba Prophecy. In my free time, I began to translate the first two chapters to send the translation along with the synopsis and detailed plan of the book to book publishers.
Toward the end of February 2019, I helped my mom to digitize from VHS cassette the old village video made by my cousin when I was less than ten years old. It was already a late dark evening when I went outside from the photo studio. After walking only a few meters I was caught up by a person who began to ask me various everyday questions. We walked together, and I talked about my experience with programming. The person was clearly intrigued and asked me more details about my experience. Soon something happened that I could not have expected, although I was not surprised that I was destined to learn such truths that even I did not particularly believe in before. The person spoke about hacking activity and briefly mentioned reading thoughts, as well as participating in helping the American president win the presidential election. The person told me about the website where it would be possible to leave a request to work with them, if I wanted to, but I did not remember the address. In any case, all this was not for me and not for my morality and spirituality.