The bottom line is that I, a person interested in many things, as well as at one time wishing to connect my life with cinema, really liked listening to the life stories of those interesting people.
But the main reason why I am writing about this is that I have noticed that I no longer feel psychological discomfort when I hear about people living in Los Angeles and working in the film industry.
I have not had a chance to mention this before, but during many years hearing about someone who lives in L.A. or in Miami used to make me feel uneasy. I had the feeling that I did not have something and I was missing something important in my life – I did not feel like a complete, whole person.
But then I heard different stories of people living in the USA – for example, my acquaintances who left the USA to live in China – and droplet by droplet I began to acquire material and spiritual understanding about life, and as a result I learned to live peacefully where I am.
Psychology is of great importance in our decisions. So, for a very long time I could not accept that I do not have a girlfriend and that other people have sex. As a result, I shut myself inside of myself, drowning out the voice of reason and moving farther and farther away the moment when I was finally able to come up to someone and get acquainted with them. Negative thoughts themselves were the reason that many girls turned their backs on me, since my face revealed so many psychological problems that I chose to be having at those moments of my life.
Of course, those people could have tried to help me get rid of those problems, as people change if they learn from their mistakes. But I understand that those girls most likely did not know how relatively simple it is to change yourself, and they also did not know about the truths of life and the Universe – as I said, this is one of the reasons why I am writing this book.
I myself decided that in the case of meeting a girl who has problems, I will try to help her, and I will not give up on her and look for someone “better”. People often complain about their partners, but they themselves do almost nothing to teach them how to live differently without making mistakes. Of course, if a person is very stubborn, then it is really worth breaking up and looking for someone else – it will benefit both, as a knowledgeable person will not suffer because of the stubborn one, and the “abandoned” stubborn person will have a chance to learn from the suffering caused by his stubbornness.
I used to think how many years I would have to live with a problematic appearance, and now I think how much time I just had to waste. How much I could have learned…
I used to think how much time I would have to live without sexual satisfaction, and now I think how many things could be in my life if I stopped being stubborn and were just looking for a girlfriend instead of masturbating.
In fact, it turned out that searching for a girlfriend was the key for me to ending masturbation. It was naive to believe that I could suppress in myself all sexual desires – which I did not want anyway. As we know from psychology, you cannot just remove something, leaving a void. It is always necessary to replace a negative habit with something positive and natural. In my case, I tried to replace one extreme in the form of masturbation, which “replaced” sex for me, with another extreme in the form of a complete suppression of all natural sexual desires. There were hard times when I began to consider rampant sex drive almost a curse, but now I understand that it was an ordinary and natural sign of nature that I needed to look for a suitable girlfriend. Masturbation maffled all these healthy sexual desires, giving a false sense of “sexual” satisfaction. A person who masturbates does not evolve spiritually without going out and learning how to talk to women, not learning how to deal with rejections, how to learn from mistakes, and how to self-discipline.
But then I could not stop masturbating because I realized that after finding a girlfriend sex would not happen immediately, and I was not able to endure for several months. I needed a sexual release in the present due to frequent arousals. Thanks to the NoFap forum and the experience of other people, I have removed many fears from my head regarding the “blue testicles” and other negative temporary effects. Naturally, I try to remove their root cause – fantasies about sex.
Of course, it is worth saying that sex can be earlier if people really get to know each other. The ability to see and read the Aura, and the ability to telepathize can help here. Both will help not to be afraid of the person’s appearance, and sometimes it will even help to see the wolf in sheep’s clothing, as people often trust scammers, who not only have a good appearance, but sometimes they are very charismatic and, seemingly, kind people – so, Auras and telepathy can help to really learn a person as he is, and not as he wants you to think he is.
Of course, people with strange facial expressions can also be evil if they do not yet have the necessary spiritual knowledge.
One day I got a thought that it was easier for me to find the meaning and truth of life than to find a girlfriend. But then I actually was looking for that truth, but I was not searching for the girlfriend. Therefore, it is quite logical that I know the truth about the Universe, but I do not have a personal life. As you sow, so shall you reap.
2020
I was thinking about starting working hard on my book during the cold viral period of the year, so that in the warm, virus-free months, I would have as much free time as possible for my personal life and further education at the school called “The Universe”. If you read this book in 2020, you will no doubt understand that life once again showed me that you need to live in the present moment, and not make big plans for the future that does not exist. Carpe diem…
I was hoping that people who came from abroad would be responsible and self-insulate at home for fourteen days to prevent the coronavirus from spreading all over Russia. Unfortunately, because of those few who still decided to take a walk, we all sit at home and it is not known when COVID-19 will allow us to socialize again…
I go out only once a week to buy food for the next week at the opening of a sanitized store. The food is for my mother and I, and sometimes for our elderly neighbor.
Naturally, I understand that should I become infected with this virus – the chances of me dying will be very high. Also, I do not want to infect my mother, who has also been at home for a month now.
Due to isolation, I began to write my book every day, and I could not help but think how I wanted to write and publish it as soon as possible. It was a strong contrast to the fact that until recently I felt uncomfortable thinking about the publication of such material. And so I thought that if only I could live a little more and finish what I started…
On April 10, 2020, I had my fifth lucid dream in which I no longer experienced any fears. For this reason, it was my longest lucid dream, the recording of which took me about 11 times more lines than in the case of previous such dreams, which took only 3-4 lines.
Before I tell you about the dream, I think it is worth saying regarding what happened a few months earlier. The case relates to the monster “It”. Perhaps I watched a video about this movie on YouTube, and when I went to bed, this monster appeared from time to time in my head – in my still not fully restrained imagination. It was night, dark, and I lay in bed with my eyes closed. Suddenly, I began to distinguish faint outlines… it was that same monster that looked at me from a hole in the ceiling! I realized that my anxiety generated this subtle vision, or, if you wish, my first experience with a hallucination, and I focused on the present and calmed down, taking the vision for what it was. It left and never returned.