For a lot of women in the business, I think there is a lot of fear as I had before I met my husband, as to “Who is ever going to love me?” or “Who is not going to judge me?” There is still a stigma attached for a lot of men who are very intimidated by women who are sexually free, sexually open, or especially porn stars. Obviously, for some couples, it is easier if they are both in the business, because there is a level of understanding about what goes on in the industry. Sometimes it works better in certain couples’ dynamics when one partner is in the business and the other is a civilian. Very often one partner can become very jealous and this can be extremely problematic. Especially when you think that confidence is probably the single sexiest trait someone can have to me, and jealousy the single biggest turnoff. The adult film business is obviously a breeding ground for unhealthy relationships. I feel very fortunate to have been able to have a healthy marriage within the industry.
The adult business provides a great boundary and actual safe haven for some couples who want to live out their fantasies. My husband and I both get to have sex with whoever we want on camera, but in our personal lives we are more of a “traditional” couple. For Evan and I, who have really open and honest communication, this really works for us as we both get to have the best of both worlds. I live out all my fantasies and still have the security of having a caring and devoted partner.
Additionally, to get over that initial fear that your partner will cheat on you, introducing sex with other people can actually be the most freeing thing in the world. The first time your partner has sex with someone else, and comes home to you, you realize that person is with you because it is a conscious decision and a choice rather than something they feel trapped by. If it wasn’t so taboo, it would not be a great topic of intriguing discussion. Bottom line is that fucking and sucking feels great and drives that intangible sixth sense of ours, but love makes the world go round!
Although every couple has their own rules, it is nice to see other couples in the industry who have positive successful relationships. I just adore Gina Lynn and Travis Knight. They are a smoking hot couple who are very much in love, but also both work in the adult industry. I have known them for many years and they, like my husband and I, seem to have a stronger relationship than many civilian couples. Evan Stone and Syren, Jules Jordan and Jenna Haze, Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo, Jessica Drake and Brad Armstrong, the list goes on and on. So bottom line, porn stars need love too and sex is the reason you are reading Genesis. So whenever possible have your cake and eat it too!
CHAPTER 28
Mission Accomplished
Hall of Fame? Really? I don’t know how I feel about that,“ I told Evan when he informed me that I was going to be inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame on January 10, 2009. ”Does that make me old?"
“No, it’s an honor, honey,” he assured me. “Look at how much you’ve accomplished. Most girls in the industry last a few years. You’ve been at the top for ten.”
After I got over the shock that I was a ten-year vet, I realized I do have a lot to be proud of. I’ve accomplished my goals, learned a lot, and have a lot to show for it. To me, the induction marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life rather than the ending of an old one. And it means I can pick and choose what I work on more selectively.
I am now able to focus on things I can only do because of my time in front of the camera, such as working on my lingerie line, modeling, hosting parties around the world as an ambassador of all things sexy, and working on my upcoming burlesque show in Las Vegas that I plan to debut later in 2010. My love for the adult industry runs deep. I am grateful to my fans for raising me up on this pedestal, and I hope they will follow me wherever this road takes me.
Being inducted into the Hall of Fame felt like closure on one part of my porn life. I did what I wanted to do and I accomplished my goals. And it cemented me in the industry forever, for which I will always be proud and grateful. Grateful because if it weren’t for porn, I might not have met the man of my dreams and I wouldn’t be able to live my life the way I want to now.
This particular AVN was also extra special not only because it celebrated a decade of my life, but it was also the fifth anniversary of my wedding, which meant even more to me than my work accomplishments. I accomplished a happy life. After seven years (five married) of crazy ups and downs, I had a man who still wanted to marry me over and over again like he promised on our wedding night in 2004. So on our fifth wedding anniversary, the night before my Hall of Fame induction, Evan surprised me again for a fourth time with yet another renewal of our vows. Yes, Elvis was there once again. Yes, it once again felt like the first time. But what was different this time was that I finally felt true peace. As I walked down that aisle of our hotel suite, which he’d sprinkled with pink rose petals and lined with candles, and I looked up at Evan standing there, everything felt perfectly right with my world… except for one thing: my relationship with my mother.
Having grown close to Evan’s family over the years made me think about my own relations. My dad and I were always fine. The thing with Dad is this: He’s not malicious. He’s not a bad guy. He hasn’t done anything horrible. He’s just this carefree individual who would come and go a lot. I’d go months without talking to him, but it wasn’t because anything bad happened. It’s just the way it was. I know he loves me and is proud of me, and that’s what matters.
Now, my mother is another story. I didn’t talk to her for seventeen years. She had written me a letter when I was sixteen that I didn’t open and read until I sat down to write this book. I was afraid of what the letter would say. It was right around the time I came home from Japan and I knew she disapproved of what my lifestyle was like there: sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll.
But there was nothing to fear. She wrote, “Dear, Linda, I just want you to know that I really missed you. I missed your beautiful face around me. I still love you a lot no matter what.” Once I read that, nothing else mattered. I realized it was time to let go of the past and let my mother back into my life. My sister Debby was trying to get my mother and me back together, but she hadn’t been talking to my dad that much, so I told her that I’d call Mom if she’d call Dad. And that’s just what we did.
It’s so nice having my mom in my life now. All of the anger and hurt feelings are gone, and we are able to rebuild a healthy mother-daughter relationship. She’s even living with me now in my second home in Las Vegas, which we got in 2009 so I’d have a place to stay in town when I host my monthly party at TAO, an Asian nightclub in the Venetian Resort Hotel Casino.
It’s weird how we could be apart for most of our lives but still have so much in common. We do weird things the same way, things that no one else does. There will be times where we take the words out of the other’s mouth. I wash my feet in the sink like she does. I use a mortar and pestle to crush herbs when I cook on the floor like she does. It’s so odd.
My mom says of me, “I missed her. It feels like just yesterday, like nothing happened. We picked up where we left off, but better. I’m just happy that she is happy and good. And I’m happy we reconnected. I see the American Dream in her.”