As I said, writing the book really empowered me. It made me reevaluate my life and reprioritize my needs. It was a turning point and a process of self-discovery for me. And it was a process of regaining control because I’d been out of control for so long. My split from Evan kind of reminds me of my split from my old manager at Digital Playground, Samantha. We can’t discuss the details of the divorce, as I couldn’t discuss the details of the split from Digital, but I can say I’ve had to make some financial sacrifices—I’m stronger now and can handle it. And, besides, Evan did earn it. We didn’t have a prenuptial agreement when we married, but I’m not getting screwed. And, oddly, I really don’t wish him any ill will.
I have my family back. I have my sister. I have my mother—a real support system for once. And equally as important, I have my sense of self and my wits about me and now I know too much. I have my pride and I’m OK. It was like Sleeping Beauty finally woke up. Maybe Evan was the poison apple, but I broke out of my slumber. I’m stronger. I’m not a victim and I’m not a fool and I don’t blame it all on him. I let him do porn. I encouraged it. But we agreed he’d only do it for a few years. I changed my mind. I changed my path. I changed my priorities and he refused to change with me. I’m a different person now. What I once thought was OK is no longer OK. What I once wanted, I don’t want anymore. And that’s OK. That’s natural. It is called growing up and truly finding yourself, and I truly found myself with the help of Evan and my family.
I know what to do now. I still believe in love and will marry again, but I want it to be a traditional marriage. That doesn’t mean I won’t marry another rock star, but I’ll be smarter about it next time. I know I want to keep Teravision going, but we will eventually have to evolve the company because I don’t think Evan and I will be able to continue a healthy working relationship together.
Mistress Couture, though, is 100 percent mine and Debra is helping me run it. It’s under my new Tera Patrick LLC in Las Vegas, where I now solely live. We plan to expand the line this year and I can’t wait! I also have my new burlesque show called “Sexy,” which will debut at a club in Vegas on Valentine’s Day 2010. It will be an hour-long burlesque show starring me with a troupe of eight sexy dancers. It’s like Cirque du Soleil acrobatics meets the Forty Deuce burlesque dancer. That’s right, we have burlesque aerialists in sexy lingerie. I’ve always wanted to be a Vegas showgirl, and now is the time to fulfill that dream. I’ve always loved my feature dancing gigs and will continue to hit the stage for that. I also want to write another book (or two, or three) and get back to writing a sex or love advice column like I once did for FHM (UK) and Genesis.
Evan is no longer my manager. I have a new management team and they want to continue what we started in mainstream and take me to even greater heights. The sky’s the limit! They told me I didn’t capitalize enough on the crossover that started in 2006 with that FHM cover and all of those mainstream opportunities. They told me, “You are a sex icon and should be branded as such. You are not a tragedy. You are a success story, but that story is not over.”
Another new direction I want to go in is motherhood. I want kids. We couldn’t do it in our marriage with our lifestyle and jet-setting ways. Maybe I can do it now, in a more traditional life with a more traditional man. I can’t wait to remarry and give my heart and soul to someone who wants what I want. I won’t sacrifice my needs ever again.
We love and respect each other enough to know that our individual growth and happiness are more important than fighting to stay together to make compromises that either of us just can’t live with. People change. We changed. We have made compromises and sacrifices in our lives and marriage, but we’re at a juncture where the compromises or sacrifices would change who we are and what we want to such a degree that only resentment would result.
It may seem sad, but ultimately it’s an amazing gift to help someone awaken their true desires and figure out what they truly want in life. We gave each other that gift of self-fulfillment. And now, strengthened by years together in a loving, supportive relationship, we must continue on apart.
Writing this book with Carrie was like therapy. She made me dig deep inside myself, examine why I’ve done what I’ve done and what the emotions were behind it. It brought up the good and the bad and awakened something in me. It also helped me reconnect with Mom and think about what the next chapter in my life may be. I’m excited about the future, the great unknown, but I’m no longer fearful to go it alone. By writing about some intense situations in my life and really analyzing them for the first time, getting to the “why” of it all, it made me feel stronger than I ever have. Looking back, I’ve lived and experienced some of the best and worst, and I wouldn’t change any of it. It made me who I am. It also taught me that it’s not over; it’s far from over. I don’t think it’ll ever be over. I’m excited to take on the next adventures.
The bottom line is that I know I can do anything on my own now. I plan to cover my tattoo that says “Evan’s Princess.” A princess is usually a damsel in distress who needs a Prince Charming to sweep in, save her, and make her happy. I needed that at the time, but I’m no damsel in distress anymore. And I will never be someone else’s “princess.” I am the queen of my own domain now, and I feel on top of the world for having discovered that.
My Essential Movies
Aroused (1999)
Fire and Ice (1999)
Pick-Up Lines 45 (1999)
Crossroads (1999)
Caught in the Act (1999)
Caribbean Undercover (1999)
Up and Cummers 73 (1999)
Foot Lovers Only (1999)
Farmer’s Daughters Do Beverly Hills (1999)
Gallery of Sin (1999)
Girls of Penthouse 4 (2000)
North Pole 11 (2000)
Penthouse Pets in Paradise (2001)
Collision Course (2004)
Tera Tera Tera (2004)
Reign of Tera (2005)
Test Drive (2005)
Appetite for Destruction (2006)
Reign of Tera 2 (2006)
SeXXXpose (2006)
Tera Patrick’s Fashion Underground (2006)
Teradise Island: Anal Fever (2006)
Where the Boys Aren’t 18 and 19 (2006)
Tera Patrick Is… Flawless (2007)
InTERActive (2007)
Tera Goes Gonzo (2008)
Teradise Island 2 (2008)
Sex in Dangerous Places (2009)
You can go to TeraPatrickStore.com to purchase my movies, become a member of TeraPatrick.com for access to my movies for free, or check out www.TeraTrailers.com to get a sneak peek.