The Mother. Oh, my god, my god!
The Father [playing his part with a touch of gallantry ]. Give it to me! I'll put it down. [Takes hat from her hands. ] But a dear little head like yours ought to have a smarter hat. Come and help me choose one from the stock, won't you?
L'Ingénue [interrupting ]. I say . . . Those are our hats you know.
The Manager [furious ]. Silence! Silence! Don't try and be funny, if you please . . . We're playing the scene now I'd have you notice. [To the STEP-DAUGHTER.] Begin again, please!
The Step-Daughter [continuing ]. No thank you, sir.
The Father. Oh, come now. Don't talk like that. You must take it. I shall be upset if you don't. There are some lovely little hats here; and then – Madame will be pleased. She expects it, anyway, you know.
The Step-Daughter. No, no! I couldn't wear it!
The Father. Oh, you're thinking about what they'd say at home if they saw you come in with a new hat? My dear girl, there's always a way round these little matters, you know.
The Step-Daughter [all keyed up ]. No, it's not that – I couldn't wear it because I am . . . As you see . . . You might have noticed . . . [Showing her black dress. ]
The Father. . . . In mourning! Of course: I beg your pardon: I'm frightfully sorry . . .
The Step-Daughter [forcing herself to conquer her indignation and nausea ]. Stop! Stop! It's I who must thank you. There's no need for you to feel mortified or specially sorry. Don't think any more of what I've said. [Tries to smile. ] I must forget that I am dressed so . . .
The Manager [interrupting and turning to the PROMPTER]. Stop a minute! Stop! Don't write that down. Cut out that last bit. [Then to the FATHER and STEP-DAUGHTER.] Fine! It's going fine! [To the FATHER only. ] And now you can go on as we arranged. [To the ACTORS.] Pretty good that scene, where he offers her the hat, eh?
The Step-Daughter. The best's coming now. Why can't we go on?
The Manager. Have a little patience! [To the ACTORS.] Of course, it must be treated rather lightly.
Leading Man. Still, with a bit of go in it!
Leading Lady. Of course! It's easy enough! [To LEADING MAN.] Shall you and I try it now?
Leading Man. Why, yes! I'll prepare my entrance. [Exit in order to make his entrance. ]
The Manager [to LEADING LADY]. See here! The scene between you and Madame Pace is finished. I'll have it written out properly after. You remain here . . . Oh, where are you going?
Leading Lady. One minute. I want to put my hat on again. [Goes over to hat-rack and puts her hat on her head. ]
The Manager. Good! You stay here with your head bowed down a bit.
The Step-Daughter. But she isn't dressed in black.
Leading Lady. But I shall be, and much more effectively than you.
The Manager [to STEP-DAUGHTER]. Be quiet please, and watch! You'll be able to learn something. [Clapping his hands. ] Come on! Come on! Entrance, please! [The door at rear of stage opens, and the LEADING MAN enters with the lively manner of an old gallant. The rendering of the scene by the ACTORS from the very first words is seen to be quite a different thing, though it has not in any way the air of a parody. Naturally, the STEP-DAUGHTER and the FATHER, not being able to recognize themselves in the LEADING LADY and the LEADING MAN, who deliver their words in different tones and with a different psychology, express, sometimes with smiles, sometimes with gestures, the impression they receive. ]
Leading Man. Good afternoon, miss . . .
The Father [at once unable to contain himself ]. No! No!
[The STEP-DAUGHTER noticing the way the LEADING MAN enters, bursts out laughing. ]
The Manager [furious ]. Silence! And you please just stop that laughing. If we go on like this, we shall never finish.
The Step-Daughter. Forgive me, sir, but it's natural enough. This lady [Indicating LEADING LADY.] stands there still; but if she is supposed to be me, I can assure you that if I heard anyone say "Good afternoon" in that manner and in that tone, I should burst out laughing as I did.
The Father. Yes, yes, the manner, the tone . . .
The Manager. Nonsense! Rubbish! Stand aside and let me see the action.
Leading Man. If I've got to represent an old fellow who's coming into a house of an equivocal character . . .
The Manager. Don't listen to them, for heaven's sake! Do it again! It goes fine. [Waiting for the ACTORS to begin again. ] Well?
Leading Man. Good afternoon, miss.
Leading Lady. Good afternoon.
Leading Man [imitating the gesture of the FATHER when he looked under the hat, and then expressing quite clearly first satisfaction and then fear ]. Ah, but . . . I say . . . This is not the first time that you have come here, is it?
The Manager. Good, but not quite so heavily. Like this. [Acts himself. ] "This isn't the first time that you have come here" . . . [To LEADING LADY.] And you say: "No, sir."
Leading Lady. No, sir.
Leading Man. You've been here before, more than once.
The Manager. No, no, stop! Let her nod "yes" first. "You've been here before, eh?" [The LEADING LADY lifts up her head slightly and closes her eyes as though in disgust. Then SHE inclines her head twice. ]
The Step-Daughter [unable to contain herself ]. Oh my God! [Puts a hand to her mouth to prevent herself from laughing. ]
The Manager [turning round ]. What's the matter?
The Step-Daughter. Nothing, nothing!
The Manager [to LEADING MAN]. Go on!
Leading Man. You've been here before, eh? Well then, there's no need to be so shy, is there? May I take off your hat?
[The LEADING MAN says this last speech in such a tone and with such gestures that the STEP-DAUGHTER, though she has her hand to her mouth, cannot keep from laughing. ]
Leading Lady [indignant ].. I'm not going to stop here to be made a fool of by that woman there.
Leading Man. Neither am I! I'm through with it!
The Manager [shouting to STEP-DAUGHTER]. Silence! For once and all, I tell you!
The Step-Daughter. Forgive me! Forgive me!
The Manager. You haven't any manners: that's what it is! You go too far.
The Father [endeavouring to intervene ]. Yes, it's true, but excuse her . . .