“What ya doing?” he growls, and the sound pleases me. I like that I’m torturing him.
“Tasting you,” I whisper, my tongue sneaking out to lick his skin. “I’ve missed you so bad.”
His body jerks.
“Yeah, you’d better start tasting real soon, or I’m gonna have to fuck you.”
I moan. His words thrill me. When I tug his shorts down, his gorgeously hard cock springs free. I nuzzle it, and he cups my cheek, his eyes shining down at me. I kiss the tip, and he groans, swears profusely.
“You were put on this earth to torture me, I’m certain of it,” he breathes.
I open my mouth and take in an inch of him. His hand on my cheek grips tight. I move my head down, taking his full length slowly inside. His body becomes a rigid coil, his mouth a fountain of lovely profanities, as I bob up and down, sucking him, flicking my tongue around the seam of his head. He seems to like that one a lot, so I do it a lot.
Gripping his hard thigh with one hand, I cup his balls with the other, and a spurt of salty pre-cum fills my mouth. I increase my speed, and he fumbles for me, his hands reaching down, sliding inside my top to cup my bare breasts.
I moan around his cock when he pinches my nipples, and the most masculine sound erupts from him, half growl, half purr. Pure sex. Hot liquid spurts into my mouth as he comes, and I keep sucking him, draining every last drop.
When he’s done, the rigidity falls away from his body, and he’s spent. The way he gazes down at me, rubbing his thumb over my lips, the adoration beaming out of him, makes feel like I’ve done what I set out to do. He won’t be forgetting this any time soon.
He pulls me up and settles me into the side of his body, my head resting on his chest. I allow my fingers to trace the lines of his tattoos. I study them, feeling like they tell a story, but that story is hidden to me. I wish I could somehow flick a switch and illuminate the words.
His breathing evens out, and I think he might have fallen asleep, but then his hand starts to move down my thigh. With his deft fingers he parts my legs, rubbing along my sex before finding my entrance. He plunges two fingers into me, quick and hard. I whimper.
His mouth goes to my breast, capturing it, his eyes glued to mine. He fucks me with his hand, his thumb pressing down on my clit, making me feel like I’m teetering on the edge. My vision goes hazy with pleasure.
“Yeah, you come for me, darlin’. Wanna see those shakes,” he murmurs, his mouth releasing my nipple as he comes up for air.
It doesn’t take long. With one fierce, hard thrust of his fingers and one deep circle of his thumb on my clit, I fall apart. My orgasm lasts for a long time. I lose count of how many waves go through me. Jay keeps his fingers buried deep inside, now leisurely moving in and out. His mouth hangs open slightly, and I sigh.
“I can’t come again so soon,” I plead with him.
“I’m not trying to make you come. I’m just enjoying the feel of you.”
A minute passes, full of my tiny moans and his growls of approval.
“Why have you been so distant this week?” I ask, hating the needy sound of my words.
“Been trying to stay away from you until all this is over. That incident in the park was too much of a close call, and I can’t put you in danger like that again.”
I gasp as he pulls his fingers out, sliding them along my sex before pulling me close to him, surrounding me with his arms.
“Until what is all over?”
“The court case. Everything.”
Placing a hand on his chest, I draw away from him, startled by what he’s telling me.
“The court case could be a year from now. You’re going to keep me at a distance until then?” I say, emotion catching in my throat. He tries to pull me back to him, but I move farther away. Before I’d been too hot. Now I’m way too cold. Finding my underwear, I pull them back on.
“Darlin’, I can’t let you get caught in the crossfire again. It’s too dangerous. The fact that I’m forcing myself to wait should show you how much I care.”
I gesture furiously. “If that’s the case, then why let me come in here tonight?”
“Because it’s so fucking hard to resist you. I’ve been trying, but when you come in here and offer yourself to me, it’s impossible for me to say no.”
“Do you regret it?”
“No, of course not. Please understand that I fucking adore you, but this isn’t our time, baby. Not yet.” He reaches out for me and takes my hand in both of his, a pleading look in his eyes.
I swallow hard as I steel myself, his tender words melting some of my resolve. Tears gather in the back of my throat, but I manage to whisper, “Okay. It won’t happen again.”
Turning on my heel, I leave the room just in time before I start to cry.
“Matilda,” he calls after me, his voice strained, but I don’t turn back.
Twenty-Five
The next day, Jay’s busy moving his stuff out of the spare room and packing it into his car. We eat breakfast together, but aside from a few probing, intense looks, he doesn’t mention what happened the night before. And really, I’m glad. I’m feeling a touch emotional at the moment, so I’m not sure I could handle such a discussion anyway. I’d probably just burst into tears.
Before I know it, Dad and I are standing on the doorstep, waving Jay off. Dad seems just as unhappy for him to be leaving as I am, but I can tell he’s trying not to show it.
For a while, our little family of two had become three.
Jay stares at me for a long time, then surprises the both of us when he pulls me into a tight, prolonged hug. Dad looks at me with an odd expression afterward, but I try to ignore it. I think he suspects something’s been going on between us, but he hasn’t mentioned it yet. Jay pats Dad on the shoulder and shakes his hand, then heads for his car. Dad calls after him that he’ll see him tomorrow at the barbecue.
I’m still uncertain if I’m going to go. The idea of being around him for however long it takes for the drama of his court case to be over, but not actually be with him, makes my heart feel like it’s breaking.
In the end, I do go to the barbecue. Mostly because Dad would probably think something was off if I didn’t, but mainly because even a day without seeing Jay feels like torture. I need another fix. We arrive at his new place with a bottle of wine. He buzzes us through, and we take the elevator up to the top floor. The building is just as fancy as I expected, the front all made of glass and steel.
Jessie answers the door when we get there. “Ah, come in, come in,” she welcomes us. “Jay’s just outside firing up the barbecue. I hope neither of you are vegetarian.”
At that Dad laughs boisterously. Obviously, the idea of not eating meat is hilarious to him. I expected Jay’s place to be packed with friends, but it’s just Jessie, Michelle, and a couple of the people I met the night of his show. I almost laugh when Jessie goes to give Michelle a kiss on the mouth and Dad does a double-take.
“Well,” he says under his breath. “Well.”
I nudge him with my elbow. “Don’t make a big deal.”
Dad nods, and that’s all that needs to be said. Like me, Dad doesn’t really care much about what people decide to do in their own private lives. I take a look around the apartment as Dad goes to sit on the couch with the others. There isn’t much furniture yet, just a few bits and pieces. I wonder why Jay didn’t bring the chaise longue with him, but I’m kind of glad that he didn’t. Perhaps it means he’s still going to come over and hang out with me from time to time. Although really, I’m not sure if that would be a good thing for me emotionally.
I find my way into the kitchen and put the wine in the fridge to chill. When I turn back around, Jay’s standing a couple of feet away from me, and I jump.
His lips curve. “Make yourself at home, why don’t you?”
I put on a brave face, even though seeing him hurts. “Well, my host wasn’t anywhere to be found, so I took it upon myself to find my way.”
He full-on smiles at me now, though there’s a touch of sadness to it. “Oh, yeah? You look beautiful.”