‘I’ll have another,’ said Banks. Jenny went to the bar.
He planned on going back to the office and getting through some more paperwork after lunch. By the time he’d finished with that, he planned on heading out to Filey to see Julie Drake. He had phoned, and she had invited him to dinner. In the meantime, why not enjoy another drink in a nice warm snug with a beautiful and intelligent woman? The music Cyril was playing through his sound system was muted in the snug, but Banks could make out Ray Charles singing ‘I Can’t Stop Loving You’. It seemed a good omen.
Jenny returned with another pint of Black Sheep for him and a glass of white wine for herself.
‘What happened with DI Cabbot,’ she said. ‘Do you think it’s serious? I mean, could it affect the case?’
‘Just teething troubles,’ said Banks. ‘We’ve all been under a lot of pressure.’
‘She doesn’t seem to have much time or use for profilers.’
‘Forget about Annie,’ Banks said, raising his glass. ‘Here’s to solving the case.’
They clinked glasses.
After a long pause, Banks shifted in his chair and said, ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, but do you think, maybe after all this is over, you and I could, you know, maybe get together for a drink or dinner or something?’
‘What on earth do you mean?’ Jenny said. ‘Aren’t we having a drink now? And as I remember we’ve had dinner since I’ve been back.’
‘I know that, but...’
‘And how many ways are there to take it?’
‘Jenny, don’t make it more... awkward...’
Jenny gave him a thoughtful stare. ‘It’s all right,’ she said. ‘I know what you mean. I shouldn’t tease. But do you have any idea why I went away in the first place all those years ago?’
‘Your work, I assumed. Or you’d already met a fellow you wanted to follow halfway around the world.’
‘Neither of the above. You can be so thick sometimes, you know. Though I won’t deny moving did my career no harm. No, it was because of you.’
Banks felt his chest tighten. ‘Me?’
‘Yes. Maybe you thought I was just a frivolous young slut making a pass at you, but I was in love with you, Alan, and I knew it was hopeless. Christ, I was young and idealistic, and you were married with kids. I knew you were a decent man, that you wouldn’t cheat on your wife or leave her and the kids for me. What was the point in me hanging around and feeling like crap every time I saw you, going home crying every night after we’d worked together because you weren’t going home with me?’
‘Australia was a long way to go just to get away from me.’
Jenny laughed, the lines around her eyes and mouth curving as she did so. ‘You’re incorrigible. That was just what came up, where I settled. I’d probably have gone to Antarctica if there was a job there. In fact, I did go to Antarctica once with Sam. No, my career was certainly a part of it, but if you’d been free, and interested... Who knows? Maybe things would have turned out differently.’
‘Maybe they still could. I was interested. I just wasn’t free.’
‘And now?’
‘Both.’
‘Are you sure? What about Annie?’
‘Old friends.’
‘And the poet?’
‘A newer friend.’
Jenny stared at him as if trying to make her mind up whether he was telling the truth.
‘I’m not being difficult,’ she said. ‘I just don’t know what I want, Alan. I might have left because of you, but I certainly didn’t come back for you.’
‘Someone else?’
‘No, you idiot. I’d just got divorced, I felt alone and I wanted to come home. Simple as that. And let’s face it, you haven’t exactly been the world’s best correspondent over the years. I had no idea what your situation was. Married, single. Even if you were still here. Still alive.’
‘And now you know?’
Jenny drank some wine and looked down at the table. ‘You can’t just pick up where you left off, you know. Maybe our time has passed. Maybe we didn’t take the chance when it was there.’
‘I wouldn’t exactly say we’d be picking up where we left off, would you? We didn’t leave off anywhere.’
‘You know what I mean. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe you regretted not taking what you could have had. Maybe I’m the one that got away. How do you know you’re not just chasing a memory, making up for what you didn’t do the first time around? I suppose what I’m saying is I just don’t know any more. I don’t want to piss away what’s left of my life, Alan. Maybe it doesn’t mean so much to you, but I’m well turned fifty, and I know damn well that most men prefer younger women. From what I’ve heard, you’re no different. I don’t want a toy boy, but I don’t want a fling with someone I care about, either. I still have feelings for you. I think that much is clear. Can’t we just leave things as they are? The occasional dinner? Drinks like now? No pressure. I may not want a fling, but I’m also not sure I want commitment yet, either. I’m still stinging from the divorce. I don’t even know if I like men any more — and if you make one crack about me turning lesbian, you’ve lost any chance you might ever have had.’
‘You mean I’m in with a chance?’
‘That’s not what I said.’
‘She said, weakening?’
Jenny flicked a little wine at him. ‘Besides,’ she went on, ‘we’ll be working together. You said work and dating didn’t mix.’
‘It wouldn’t be the same. You’re a consultant. You’d be doing other work, teaching, work for other crime units. We wouldn’t be work colleagues. And I’m not your boss.’
Jenny rested her elbows on the table and cupped her chin in her hands. ‘God, it is good to see you again. To sit and talk like this.’
‘So you’ll give it a go?’
‘I didn’t say that. I don’t know. Like I said, I still care about you, but I don’t want a fling. I’ve only been here a month or so. I’m still settling in.’ She sighed. ‘To be perfectly honest, I don’t know what I want.’
‘Me, neither. At least we’re agreed on that. Neither of us can predict where we’ll end up, but as the bard said, “Our doubts are traitors / And make us lose the good we oft might win / By fearing to attempt”.’
‘Oh, you smooth-talking bastard. That your poet’s influence?’
‘She’s not my poet, but yes, it is.’
‘Aren’t you just saying, “nothing ventured, nothing gained” in fancy language?’
Banks laughed. ‘I suppose I am. Though I’d argue that the Shakespeare quote does have more of a ring to it.’
Jenny lifted her head from her hands. ‘You’re right,’ she said, leaning forwards slowly. ‘Of course you are. But please do me a favour, for now at least. Don’t push it. Just leave things as they are.’ She held up both her hands, palms out.
Banks didn’t know where his next thought came from, and he had the good sense and quick enough wits to stop before he spoke it out aloud, but as he leaned back and reached for his beer glass, it flashed through his mind, as clear as anything: I don’t want to grow old alone.
Chapter 11
‘This is a dead loss,’ Doug Wilson complained as Gerry manoeuvred into yet another narrow parking space later that afternoon. ‘The last sales clerk I talked to said it wasn’t so unusual for people to buy two or more sets of items they liked. I’ve even done it myself with shirts and stuff, especially when they’re on sale two for one. And like I said before, he might have gone to different branches. I know I would have if I’d been worried about getting caught. They didn’t even have to be exactly the same, just like that from a distance.’
‘But maybe he did buy two outfits in the same branch,’ said Gerry, ‘because it would have meant another expedition to find the same of everything in another one. Time might have been a factor. You checked Edgeworth’s debit and credit cards yourself before we set out and we know he didn’t buy them, at least with plastic. Don’t be so negative. I’m just happy to get out of the office for a while. We’ve even got a few patches of blue sky. Enjoy it while you can.’ She knew Doug wanted to be at the football match, a local derby, and she wouldn’t have minded a bit of time off to tidy her flat, as there wasn’t much more digging she could do on the Wendy Vincent case until after the weekend, but that was the way the job went. She didn’t want to have to put up with Doug sulking all afternoon, at any rate.