Al Steiner
Intemperance #4
Snowblind
Chapter 1: Confession
Coos Bay, Oregon
June 28, 1994
Dinner this Thursday evening was taco salad, prepared by Jim and Marcie—or at least it was the Scanlon family version of taco salad. A bowl of ground turkey meat spiced with taco seasoning. A large salad bowl filled with chopped iceberg and romaine lettuce in which garbanzo beans, kidney beans, chopped green chilis, and shredded cheddar cheese had been added. Three family sized bags of Doritos nacho cheese chips. Last, but certainly not least, bowls containing freshly made guacamole, sour cream, and chipotle salsa. The idea was to take a plate, crunch up some of the nacho cheese chips across the bottom of it, put a healthy serving of salad atop this, put a healthy serving of the meat atop that, and then add in some guac, some sour cream, some salsa, and mix the entire concoction up before eating it.
It was absolutely delicious. Jake himself had two large helpings. Laura, who sat beside him at the large family dining room table in the rental house, had three small helpings.
“That was incredible, Marcie,” Jake told the thirty-two-year-old mother who had been the primary engineer of the meal. “I had my doubts when you first told me what you were making, but it was delicious.”
“And filling,” added Laura, who had just had to restrain herself from belching at the table.
“Yes,” said Sharon, who was rubbing her belly, which was now noticeably swollen with her second trimester pregnancy. “My little passenger certainly appreciated it. He’s kicking up a storm in there.”
“It is unlikely that it is genuine fetal motion you are perceiving,” Nerdly told her.
“It’s the baby,” Sharon insisted. “I know it is.”
“You are only eighteen weeks and five days gestation currently,” Nerdly said. “Statistically, primigravida women such as yourself do not begin to feel actual fetal movement until well into the twenty-third or twenty-fourth week. It is most likely gas or some other form of hormonal-related gastrointestinal upset you are experiencing.”
“Seriously, Nerdly?” asked Stephanie Zool, who was sitting just to the right of Sharon. “She tells you that she feels the baby moving and you go all scientific on her?”
“My statistics are valid,” Nerdly told her. “Why would I not point out the fallacy of her perception?”
“Because she says it’s your baby kicking her and that makes her happy,” Steph said. “You shouldn’t be pissing on her perception; you should be encouraging it.”
“But that would be dishonest,” Nerdly said, genuinely confused by her words.
“It’s okay, Steph,” Sharon said with a smile. “Bill is Bill and his honesty in spouting off such things is part of why I love him. I knew what I was getting myself into when I agreed to marry him.”
“That’s sweet,” said Jenny White, Jeremy the bass player’s wife. She was a chubby little woman with auburn hair and large breasts. Pleasant natured and a born nurturer, she was in charge of the pack of children that had invaded the house, part of the baggage brought by their parents. For this task, KVA Records was paying her four hundred and fifty dollars a week, a bit more than she had been making selling appliances at the Providence Sears store.
“Besides,” Sharon said. “I still know it’s the baby kicking me.”
“My old lady told me she felt the baby kicking well before the second trimester started,” said Rick Jackson, who, at forty years of age, was the oldest member of Brainwash. “And she’s a nurse, so she should know what she’s talking about.”
“Having an education in a medical science does not necessarily qualify one to judge whether a perceived sensation in one’s own body is factual or not,” Nerdly told him. “What is required is empirical and repeatable evidence that suggests the hypothesis is correct.”
“Uh ... yeah,” said Rick, a puzzled look on his face. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“I will always remember the first time I felt little Meghan kicking,” said Marcie. “I was in bed, at night, and Jim and I had just finished ... you know?”
“Finished what?” asked Nerdly.
“Uh ... practicing up for when it was time to make little Alex,” Jim said.
“Oh, I see,” said Nerdly. “You had just engaged in legally sanctioned sexual relations.”
“Uh ... yeah,” Marcie said. “A good way of putting it. Anyway, we were laying there and I was drifting off to sleep, and then I felt this fluttering inside of me. It would start and then stop, start and then stop. It was subtle, but it was definitely Meghan getting a workout in.”
“Exactly!” Sharon said triumphantly. “That is what I’m feeling right now. A fluttering in my uterus. And it started right after I finished eating.”
“How far along were you when this phenomenon occurred, Marcie?” Nerdly asked her.
“I was just starting the second trimester,” she said. “I remember because it was right after that surge of hormones hit that made me ... you know ... want to have those legally sanctioned relations all the time.”
“Yes, of course,” Nerdly said. “Sharon is in the midst of that phase right now. She calls upon me to engage in intercourse with her at least once a night of late.”
“Bill,” Sharon hissed at him. “You don’t have to tell them that.”
“It’s true though,” he said. “And quite an interesting biological response as well. I mean, when you think about it, the surge of hormones that triggers increased sexual desire actually serves no purpose since the female in question is already pregnant. What is the point of it?”
“Some things,” Jake suggested, “you should just not question or seek a point to. Having your wife suddenly want to...” He looked over at the children’s table that sat near the doorway to the kitchen. Meghan and Alex, the Scanlon children, were sitting with Jeffrey and Jessica, the White children. The two older children seemed to be monitoring the conversation. He chose his words carefully. “ ... to, uh ... engage in that sort of activity more than the usual amount would be one of those things, wouldn’t you say?”
“Perhaps,” Nerdly agreed. “In any case, I have to assume, Marcie, that the sensation you are describing was probably not the fetal Meghan since it would have been too early in the pregnancy. You were probably just feeling post-orgasmic tremors in your uterus.”
“That’s assuming that there was an orgasm to trigger such a post-orgasmic event,” Stephanie said with a smile.
“Hey now,” said Jim. “Just because I’m a hetero doesn’t mean I can’t ring the bell.”
“What bell were you ringing, Daddy?” asked Meghan from the kids’ table. “Do you still have it?”
“He still has it,” Marcie said as the adults all laughed at Meghan’s words.
“Can we play with the bell?” asked Alex.
“Unfortunately, no,” Jim said. “When you’re older though... much older ... you’ll find your own bell to play with.”
Alex and Meghan declared this to be unfair, but Jenny was able to distract them by telling them it was time to start the cleanup. Rule Number 1 was still in effect in the house and everyone, even the children, were expected to do their part to keep it from being violated. The four kids started with their own plates, carrying them over to dump them in the garbage before carrying them to the sink and depositing them inside. They then went about the task of cleaning their table off with wet disinfectant wipes from a box that sat on the counter.
Jake and Laura’s job tonight was helping to rinse the dishes and put them into the dishwasher. Before they could start doing that, however, there was a problem with the garbage can. It was full and needed to be taken out.
“I’ll do it,” said Jim.
“No no, sit down,” Jake told him. “You helped cook the dinner. You don’t have any cleaning duties.”