Most would laugh and say, No, seriously. Except for his best friend Josh Everson who would nod, expecting no other answer. Even Elizabeth, aside from an occasional but loving jab, never tried to convince him otherwise. In those years she had enough influence in his world that questioning his decision could have changed his path forever. The fact that, in the end, he took this path without her, was a hurt only slightly lessened over the past few years.
The old man was staring with his usual intensity. Nathan raised his eyebrows inquisitively as he sipped the last of his coffee.
Hayden’s gaze softened. “It’s good to see you again, Nate. It’s a rare thing to have a pastor emerge from one’s own parish. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to retire from God’s service.” He looked down then, not saying what Nathan assumed he was thinking. Retiring with the woman he’d loved beside him would have been one alternative. For the first time, Nathan saw vulnerability on the old man’s face.
He cleared his throat and whispered, “Do we ever truly retire from His service, Reverend?”
Hayden chuckled. “No. No, I suppose not. Even so, over the next couple of weeks, I trust you’ll pay attention.” Back to business, his voice stronger. “I’ve reserved a cell in the Christ The King monastery a few towns away, in Leicester, a sort of devotional vacation for lack of a better term.” He smirked. “Basically getting myself out of your hair for a while to let you get established. I think after whatever introduction I can offer you or the parish these next two weeks, I’ll just be in the way.”
“You won’t be in the way,” Nathan said. “Please, stay as long—”
Again the hand cut off his words. “I already have. Time for me to step aside before I start drooling all over the pulpit. You’ll have enough to keep you busy without worrying about me every day. Besides, this old place isn’t big enough for both of us. When we go over the books in more detail, I’ll show you the separate account the elders set up for me. It covers rent of a room on Grazen Street for when I get back from the monastery, plus a stipend for food, et cetera. And the fine ladies who fed you tonight have already insisted on continuing to cook their wonderful meals for me.”
Nathan laughed at the man’s smug grin. “So,” he said, “you’re taking the cooking staff with you.”
Another dismissive wave of his hand, and Hayden used the ensuing lapse in conversation to excuse himself to bed. He directed Nathan to the couch in the living room where a pull-out bed was hidden beneath the cushions. It would be his bedroom for the next two weeks.
Nathan returned downstairs alone. He quietly wandered among the rooms, eventually finding himself at the entrance to the church-proper. This section of the house—taking up two-thirds of the overall building—was the reason for Hayden’s abbreviated living quarters. Here, the church hall rose the full two stories, looking too big to fit into the house when viewed from outside, an illusion caused by the tall stained glass windows in the front and outside walls. A spacious, calm setting. Standing with the hallway leading into the kitchen behind him, Nathan reached out and touched the edge of the sanctuary railing on his right, but did not step all the way into the church. Everything smelled and looked as he remembered from his childhood. The small altar resting against the back wall, the similarly understated podium nearer the pews. With only the light from the hall behind him, he could not make out any details of the stained glass. Come morning, the room would glow with an inspiring brilliance.
Tonight, empty rows of dark benches. His view of services would be from this perspective from now on. During the selection process for the new pastor, he was required twice to preach from this pulpit. He’d been a guest on those occasions, an amusing spectacle to those who saw him only as little Nate Dinneck, all grown up. Things felt different now. He was pastor.
Nathan stayed in the doorway for a while longer, mind blank, taking the room in, feeling it, then finally turned and walked back through the kitchen and climbed the narrow staircase to the living room. The mattress had already been pulled from the couch, a sheet and heavier blanket folded neatly atop it. He made the bed, knelt beside it and prayed. For strength, and attentiveness over the next two weeks as the man who built this church turned over his life’s work to someone else.
Nathan also prayed that, whatever the reasons God had for bringing him home, he would be able to serve Him with everything he had. In any way He chose.
Chapter Six
The dream was different this time, as details of those which came before returned with sharp clarity.
The sky was still the red of an eternal sunset; the sand still blew across his shoes. Nathan stood on a hill, looking down into a valley through which the long line of hooded worshippers marched toward the temple. They were close to their destination, nearing the steps leading to the massive, open doors. In past dreams, the monk-like figures had always been traveling toward the temple, but had never reached the steps. Each time, they drew closer.
Nathan was wearing the black vestments of a Jesuit priest, black shoes this time, not sneakers. He dug these into the sand in anticipation of the inevitable pull from the distant structure, waited to be lifted into the air toward the horrifying darkness inside. It did not come. Maybe he was far enough away.
Smoke rose out of the door, swirling into a tempestuous but almost familiar form. Cloud-like arms stretched from its amorphous body, collapsed back, stretched out again. It was like seeing a birth, the emergence of a demon revealing its shape in dust and smoke. It rose above the temple, dwarfing the structure with its own formidable size.
The glow of the sunset burned through the demon’s body in a red aura. The light focused, reformed into molten eyes. These eyes cast a burning light across the hooded procession, further back along their ranks. Traveling, searching for something. Drawing closer.
Nathan understood, as one could only understand such things in a dream, that the eyes were searching him out. He tried to turn, run down the opposite side of the hill, hide from the searching gaze of the monster floating above the temple. He couldn’t move. The demon’s light moved past the worshippers, up the sand dune, then shone across Nathan’s face. He raised his hands to shield himself. His arms literally burned in the heat. His sleeves burst into flame. The paralysis ended. Nathan threw himself backwards and rolled down the sand dune.
The smell of burning flesh, like overcooked bacon. He buried his arms in the hot sand to extinguish the fire. A voice called to him—his father’s voice. Nathan, it said, you are the chosen, the first born. You are the sacrifice.
He wanted to scream, but dared not open his mouth. His hair was on fire. Rather than extinguish the flames, the sand fed them, and they spread down his back. He rolled down the dune, burning, feeling no pain but sensing his body blackening to ash.
He reached the bottom of the hill, curled and thrashing, unable to scream. The smoky demon passed overhead with a tail made of wind, roaring with ethereal laughter. Nathan shielded his face and prayed for God’s protection. For the dream to end.
Coolness. The smell of damp grass, freshly cut.
He lowered his arms. They were bare, unburned. He looked down at his naked body. Around him, impressions of trees towered overhead like sentinels, blocking out the starlight. He was safe here. Shapes around him were slow to reveal themselves, more as outlines and suggestions.
Massive wings came into focus above. The light of a moon which he could not see revealed the calm faces of two angels standing guard overhead.
No, he realized, that wasn’t quite true. The angels didn’t notice he was there. They stared without seeing, facing each other in silent, intimate communication.