But as Karon wandered in his dream world, I retreated more and more behind my private wall. I dared not tell him what I feared about our child’s future. He had already demonstrated that his convictions were unshakable—and so I betrayed my son and betrayed my own soul and kept silent. It could be five or six years before a child showed signs of sorcery. Everything could change in that time. Tomas would never harm an infant.
Karon hurried time along. I’m glad it isn’t long. I think I can manage —how many days is it?
“Two more,” I told him.
Two more. That I can do, I think. Do they treat you decently? It must be so hard for you to be shut in for so long. You hate it so. I’ve been afraid to ask, and you’ve said so little of your situation… so little of anything these days. I’ve monopolized our time with madness. No one comes here any more, even to tell me lies about you.
“I’m as well as I can be. There’s a mute woman named Maddy who brings my meals and such. It doesn’t break my heart that they ignore me.” I prodded him to talk again. I was afraid of what I might say.
In the dark hours before dawn on the first day of the week, they took Karon to the broad commard in the heart of Montevial and chained him to the stake they had erected there. The weather was freezing, and they mounted a double row of guards around the pyre so that no misguided zealot could rob the people of their pleasure at his burning.
Stars of night, it’s cold, he said to me, once they had him bound there. But I don’t think I’ll make any wish to be warm. Not today. That was the only reference he made to what was to come. He spoke of private things that morning while the guards came for me: of our meeting, of his family, of our talks about death and life and our speculations about gods who might exist somewhere behind the myths of the uncaring Twins. Two serving sisters removed my dress, and clothed me in a penitent’s gown, a long robe of rough, undyed wool. Then they cut off my hair that had scarcely been touched since I was a little girl.
So passed our last time together. I let him talk, hoping it might shield him from the horror that seethed around him. He did not know I watched from the palace balcony there in the bright winter sun and freezing wind. The whole morning I stood with him, until an hour past midday when the bells tolled and drums rattled and the first wisps of smoke floated up from the pyre.
Only then did my fear and grief erupt into frenzied babbling—demanding that he save our child, begging him to free himself or to grab hold of me and take me with him, if he could do naught else. I called him cowardly and cruel and a hundred vile names. But my thoughts and words were in such chaos that he claimed he could not distinguish them. Hush, Seri love. Please. There is too much. I can’t understand you. And when I forced myself silent, he tried to comfort me, who had to keep breathing while he suffered. Live, my dearest love. You are the essence of life and beauty, and you will shine as a beacon to me long after I cross the Verges. Because of you, there are no demons in this darkness. No moment I’ve spent with you do I regret, not even this. And you must have no regrets either. This word I’ve found is a word of healing, Seri. I feel it. I know it. It’s what I’m here for, and I think that if I wait until my power is at its greatest… from all that happens… then perhaps I’ll do what I’m here on earth to do. It’s a good thing to believe.
But I could not answer. I did not believe. I closed off my mind and averted my eyes, and when the flames took him, I could not listen to his cry. Only much later, in my dreams, did I hear the word he shaped from his will, and the fire, and his destroyed flesh. “D’Arnath!”
CHAPTER 21
“D’Arnath!” I cried out, startling myself awake, the horror of the familiar dream swept away in the moment of revelation.
Baglos looked up from the tiny, smokeless fire that crackled in the hut’s firepit. “What is it, woman?”
A few last golden arrows of the summer sunshine shot through the thick canopy of the trees and the unshuttered window of the charcoal burner’s hut. I had fallen asleep in a dim corner after my return from Yurevan, only to dream of the fire yet again. But instead of desolation, bitterness, and self-hatred, the dream left me with a confusion of feeling so intense that the sunlight felt drab and lifeless.
“Ten years ago, my husband spoke that name… How could he possibly have known it? He hadn’t heard your stories. Your history. Buried… hidden… inside him. Your dead king’s name. A word he could imbue with all his power as he died… hoping… believing… that something of meaning would come from it.” I was on my feet, pacing the room, flexing my fingers, pulling at my hair, stretching my arms to feel the sunlight as if all my appendages had been detached and were only now reconnected to my body, blood rushing into the dry, empty veins. “But I didn’t believe. I couldn’t hope, because I didn’t have the words.” D’Arnath. The king who had built the Bridge between a land of magic and a land of exile…
And as if I had pulled it from the weft of life’s weaving, a thread lay in my hand, drawn from the tangle of the past. The thread that connected past and present. A thread of enchantment and fate and purpose. I halted in mid-stride and stared at the Dulcé and the Prince with new eyes. “Stars of heaven… I know what he did!”
D’Natheil was carving on his birchwood and glanced up curiously. He motioned Baglos to his side and never took his eyes from my face as the Dulcé translated everything I’d said. Tennice, who had been standing watch, walked into the hut just in time to hear my last outburst. “Who did what, Seri?”
“My dream. All these years I’ve dreamed about the day Karon died. No matter what I did, no matter how much I willed the past to be gone, I couldn’t rid myself of that one horror. But I think it was because I never listened to what it told me, the comfort it offered if I but knew how to hear it.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Nor did I until now. In all that pain and torment, Karon insisted on finding order and beauty. I never believed it. Or rather, I believed in what he found, but I never thought he accomplished anything. I heard no word of magic when he died. Our child was murdered. All of you were dead. I believed he failed, and I was so angry with him—oh, gods, for all these years I’ve been so angry with him—because he let it all happen for nothing. But I didn’t know what to listen for. Today, when I dreamed it again, I heard him say the word.”
“D’Arnath,” said Baglos, reverently.
The memories of those last dreadful days came tumbling out of me. “He found images with the word: a great chasm and a bridge. He was almost mad with pain, and I couldn’t tell what was real and what was delirium. I put it all out of my mind, because I was convinced it had no meaning and I couldn’t bear the thought. But now I know. Baglos, Karon opened your Gates, didn’t he?”
“It could very well be, woman. I wish I could tell you it was so.”
“Tell me about the day the Gates were opened.” For, of course, I had to know more. What result could possibly have been worth the price?
D’Natheil nodded to Baglos, and the Dulcé sat up straight, as he always did when telling stories of his land. “When the Gates are open, their fire burns white, and any may walk through without harm. But as they fail, the flame darkens, a fire that ravages first the spirit and then the flesh of any who attempt to pass. When the fire burns black— a fearsome sight—the Gate is impassable, and the dismal reflection of that dark fire permeates our hearts and every part of our land. And so it had been for hundreds of years.
“On that day the Zhid were attacking in a great fury, as if they thought that victory was only the next arrow away. In the fortress kitchens we were making hot soup to send out to those on the walls, for the cold winds were blowing off the Wastes. The runners thought their legs might fail from making so many trips, but they didn’t complain. Too often they would go back for the empty pots and find the one to whom they had delivered it dead or his mind stripped away in the way of the Zhid that is worse than death.”