I sniffed. “Really?”
She nodded, sincere.
“We’d just finished hanging the last painting on the wall of the apartment.”
“Really? I thought you didn’t like to put holes in the walls.”
“Because it didn’t feel like mine. Josh didn’t understand why it made me so happy to watch him hammer holes into the paint.” My breath caught. “Because it was ours. We’d made it into a home.”
Deb nodded, resting her chin in her hand.
“Josh had just finished setting up the crib. He wanted to decorate her nursery in fire and rescue stuff.” I made a face. “So we compromised. Pink and gray firetrucks and ambulances.” I touched my flat stomach. “He was such a proud father. Now he’ll never be able to hold her. I’ll never be able to hold her. I might never be able to hold him.”
“You really love him that much? You’d go back into a coma?”
“This isn’t my life, Deb. I know it sounds absolutely insane.”
“I believe you.”
“You do?”
She nodded. “But you can’t go back. We’ll just have to make sure Josh wakes up.”
“How?” I asked.
She shook her head, her hand pressing against her cheek. “I’ll take you there every day after PT. You talked him into marrying you once. Talk him into waking up.”
It had been ten days since I awoke from what I had thought was my life. Physical therapy was grueling. Even after just seven weeks, lying in bed motionless had made my muscles weak and scrawny, but I was determined to make progress. Every day, my body grew stronger, and even though I aspired to walk out of the hospital with my husband, my will to move forward diminished. My heart was broken. The love I’d felt had been very real.
Deb wheeled me into Josh’s room every day after PT. His body still lay unmoving, a shell of his former self. It was painful to see him so gaunt and weak, but I spoke to him for hours, telling him about our other life, and how we could have it again if he’d only wake up. I held his hand, knowing full well the rumors floating around the hospital, but Dr. Weaver had ordered another round of tests, seeing some change in Josh’s brain activity when I was in the room.
“I will be so glad to be able to take you home and feed you a decent meal.” Aunt Ellen slipped her hand over mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You are getting so thin.”
I smiled at her, hoping it looked convincing. I was grateful for her help, and I knew she had spent her savings to be by my side.
“I’d like to see Josh again. Could you tell Deb when she gets back?”
“You’ve spent two hours with him today, sweetheart.”
I tried to hold my smile, feeling I may come undone along my tattered edges if I didn’t get to see his face. The uncertainty in her eyes was obvious.
“I’m getting discharged tomorrow. It’s my last day.”
“So come back when you start your shift,” Aunt Ellen said, tucking my hair behind my ear.
“I won’t be cleared to work for a while. I don’t have a car. I don’t know when I can come back.”
“You’ll find a way.”
Like everyone else, Aunt Ellen didn’t understand. She was hoping I would forget my other life. She thought if I had enough time and space away from him, my love for him and my memories of our marriage would fade away. It wouldn’t.
“I should go now, before lunch,” I said, knowing I was pushing my luck. Aunt Ellen had no doubt heard the whispers around the hospital. “This whole thing is my fault,” I explained. “It only feels right that I offer him some company.”
She reluctantly held out her hand, but I waved it away, pushing myself to my feet. My body was stiff and ached from physical therapy, but nothing compared to the crippling pain in my heart.
My eyes teared as I gripped the handle of the muted silver cane that helped me to keep my balance. Every step was a struggle, but I made my way out of the room and down the hall. Physical therapy was difficult, but it was a relief not to have to depend on anyone else to take me to see Josh.
My chest heaved as I paused in front of Josh’s door to rest.
Quinn stepped out into the hall, pulling the door closed behind him.
“Any change?” I asked, hopeful.
Quinn’s head shook infinitesimally. “Nothing. Not a goddamn thing except for your visits. The second you leave, his brain activity slips right back.”
I looked down at the ridiculous slippers Deb had brought me. Pink bunny heads shook above my toes. “He will,” I choked out before sliding my hand over my cheek to wipe away a stray tear.
“Avery, I should probably tell you something. His dad got in last night.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “He’s decided to…” He took a step forward, pausing when my aunt touched my shoulder.
“Hi, Quinn. Nice to see you again,” Aunt Ellen said.
“Mrs. Collins,” Quinn said, nodding.
“Avery is being discharged in the morning. She’d like to say good-bye to Josh.”
“Not good-bye,” I said.
“Good-bye for now,” Aunt Ellen qualified.
Quinn glanced at her face before swallowing whatever information he was about to offer. “Good luck with your recovery, Avery. I hope to see you back at the hospital very soon.” He turned in the opposite direction, hurrying through the double doors.
Forcing myself to continue, I pressed my palm against Josh’s door, saying a silent prayer before pushing it open. A man was hunched over, sitting in the chair next to Josh’s bed. His head snapped up at the sound of my cane on the floor. When he turned, I saw the essence of a man I’d come to love in my other life.
“Hello, Mr. Avery. I’m Avery … Jacobs,” I stammered, the name sounding foreign.
He pushed from his seat and rounded the foot of the bed, holding out his arms. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I’m glad …” His voice caught in his throat as he struggled to contain his emotions. He pulled me in, and I let him, finally feeling something familiar.
“I am so sorry,” I whispered as Mr. Avery pulled me against his chest.
He looked a little different from what I remembered, but the scent of motor oil and grease was the same. A few sniffles turned into tears, and soon, his body was shaking around me. I pressed the palm of my free hand against his back and let my eyes close, struggling to keep us both from crumbling into a heap of despair.
We broke apart as Dr. Rosenberg knocked on the open door and stepped inside. He smiled at me, looking tan and rested. “Hi, Avery. Your aunt told me you would be in here. I’m sorry I haven’t been in sooner. I took the family to Fiji for vacation.”
“It’s’ fine,” I said, trying not to recoil.
Dr. Rosenberg read over Josh’s chart before he turned his attention to Josh’s father. “Mr. Avery, I’ve spoken with Dr. Weaver about your decision. We can discuss it later.” The doctor nodded at me with a friendly smile.
He was trying to hint for me to leave, but I stepped forward. “What decision?”
Mr. Avery looked even more devastated.
My eyes danced between the two of them, and then I looked down at Josh, afraid. “What decision did you make?”
“Avery,” Dr. Rosenberg said, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. I shrunk away from him.
Everyone froze when Josh’s monitor picked up.
“See?” I said, hobbling over to sit in his bedside chair. My cane fell to the ground, and I took his hand in mine. “He can hear us. He knows we’re in here with him. He just needs more time. I woke up. When he’s ready, Josh will, too.”
Dr. Rosenberg looked down at me with sad eyes and reached for the call button.
“How can I help you?” a nurse squawked over the intercom.
“I need to speak with Mr. Avery in private. Please escort Miss Jacobs to her room.” He stepped back. “I’m sorry, Avery. You’re too upset.”
“You’re damn right I’m upset,” I said, shaking my head, looking up at Josh’s father. “Don’t do this, please,” I begged, tears streaming down his face. “He just needs a little more time. Just a little more time.”