Her shoulders shook uncontrollably as the tears came. She was fooling herself. What she gave her clients wasn’t real. It wasn’t even a substitute for real. She dealt in games and deception.
She could give a little girl the trappings of being a princess, but she couldn’t give her what mattered most. A long, healthy life with parents who loved her.
Damon was wrong. Dreamers did die. They died every single day.
Damon was sitting in his chair when Serena walked in the door that afternoon. He laid aside his laptop and looked up, prepared to call her over. His welcome died on his lips when he saw her pale, strained face.
She dropped her briefcase by the door and kicked off her shoes almost mechanically. Then she walked slowly toward him, her eyes thick with grief. She looked as though she’d been crying, but she was completely dry-eyed now.
He got to his feet and crossed the room to meet her. As soon he got close, a small cry erupted from her lips and she threw herself in his arms. He gathered her close and held her as sobs cracked from her lips, falling harshly on his ears.
He guided her to the couch, half carrying her and half assisting and then sat, pulling her down onto his lap. “Serena, tell me what’s wrong. Are you hurt? What happened?”
She buried her face in his neck and held him tightly, her fingers digging into his skin. Her sobs continued to spill out and so he simply held her, until finally she quieted and lay limply against his chest, her strength drained.
“Serena?”
She tensed and drew in a slight breath, and her body felt small and fragile against his. Dread tightened around his throat because he couldn’t help but know what she was going to say.
“I’m leaving, Damon,” she said in a hoarse, quiet voice. “I tore up the contract. The agreement is done. You’re free.”
He went still. The pain of her announcement shocked him with its ferocity when it shouldn’t have. He knew it was coming, and yet he felt each word like a serrated edge over his heart.
“Why?” he demanded.
She started to pull away, almost violent in her movements as she sought to free herself from his embrace. But he wouldn’t let her up. No, she would face him and give him the reason, damn it. He wouldn’t make it easy for her when this was the hardest thing he’d ever had to confront.
He gathered her wrists in his hands and held them close to his chest. “Why, Serena? You owe me that much.”
“I owe you no explanation,” she said in a cold voice. “Either party can terminate the contract at will.”
“I don’t give a damn about the fucking contract. This isn’t about a piece of goddamn paper, Serena. This is you and me and what we’ve shared, and I deserve to know why you’re throwing it away.”
“I can’t live a lie any longer,” she whispered. “It hurts. Everything I do is a lie. It’s not real. It can’t be real. I can’t give people what they truly want or need and you aren’t any different. I can’t give you what you need, Damon, so I’m letting you go.”
He stared at her as the garbled explanation fell from her lips. She pushed herself away from him again, and this time he let her go.
She turned to go but before she took a step, he said her name. She hesitated but didn’t turn around.
“I love you, Serena.”
This time she stopped. He could see her shoulders trembling, see her fingers ball into fists at her sides.
“Stay,” he said softly.
Slowly, she turned around, devastation written on her face. Her mouth tightened and her throat worked up and down as she swallowed.
“No,” she whispered.
And there it was. The one word she’d never said. The one word he’d told her would free her. His pain was stunning and fierce. The finality of it rolled over him until he could barely stand it.
Her hand flew to her mouth and she made a sound, a wounded, pained sound that an animal might make. And then she ran.
CHAPTER 33
Serena knew she was pushing herself too hard, she knew she was avoiding her friends, and she knew without a doubt that she didn’t have a prayer of ever getting over Damon.
She was a coward, a bitch, and she was heartbroken.
She hadn’t attended Michelle’s funeral. Carrie was livid and had called her heartless. Serena didn’t deny it. If she had any sort of a heart, she wouldn’t have strung Damon along making promises she couldn’t keep. Oh, she hadn’t overtly made any promises, but she’d bought into the whole fantasy. Lost herself in something that wasn’t real. She’d wanted it and wanted it badly.
No, going to the funeral wasn’t something she could handle, but still, she found herself walking slowly toward Michelle’s headstone as the evening shadows lengthened.
Newly dug dirt lay atop the small mound and a huge assortment of flowers decorated the area. Serena’s gaze fell on the shiny stone, still so new, where Michelle’s name was engraved. Tears welled when she saw that below her name her parents had added an inscription.
Always our princess.
Serena knelt and carefully leaned over to place a tiara at the head of the grave.
“If there is any justice, you’re reigning in heaven with a pink princess gown, a diamond tiara and a purple scepter,” Serena whispered. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t do for you the one thing that mattered most.”
“But you did.”
Serena whipped guiltily around and saw Mrs. Tasco standing there, tears shining on her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” Serena murmured as she stood. “I didn’t mean to intrude.” She started to walk away, but Mrs. Tasco touched her arm as she got close.
“Please, don’t go.”
Serena hesitated, torn between the need to be away before she succumbed to the tears boiling at her eyes and the pain she saw reflected in a mother’s eyes.
“I heard what you said, and you’re wrong. There was nothing anyone could do for Michelle’s health. God knows we tried. We saw countless doctors, tried treatment after treatment, but we knew . . . we knew she didn’t have long. What you did was give a little girl who had known so much pain and sorrow a reason to smile, to laugh, to be happy, even when she knew she was dying. For that, Miss James, you will always have my undying gratitude.”
Her voice broke on a sob, and she covered her mouth with trembling fingers.
“I can never repay you for the sight of my daughter’s face lit up like a million suns as she danced at her coronation ceremony aboard the cruise ship. Or for the look on her father’s face as he whirled her around the dance floor.”
She enfolded Serena in her arms and hugged her tightly as sobs racked her frame.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Serena whispered, knowing it wasn’t enough, that it would never be enough.
“Thank you. Thank you from me and her father both. We’ll never forget what you did for our daughter.”
Serena tried to smile and failed. Mrs. Tasco squeezed her hand and then slowly moved past her and away from the grave site.
A slight breeze blew the tears dry on Serena’s face and none replaced them as she stared back at the tiara sitting in front of the stone.
Realization and death of dreams. Life. She could spout the bullshit about how things were cyclical but it wouldn’t bring her any peace, and it damn sure wouldn’t make her feel better about a little princess who wanted so little and gave so much.
Exhausted and heartsick, she began the walk back to her car. Though it was warm and muggy with barely a breeze to break the oppressive heat, Serena hugged her arms close to her body and put her head down as she walked along the manicured pathway of the cemetery. Her fingers lay over the arm band that Damon had given her, hidden by her sleeve. She hadn’t taken it or the ankle bracelet off. She couldn’t bear to.