“I hurt,” she croaked out. “Can you call for pain medication? I’ll tell you all about it and then maybe I can forget for just a little while.”
Micah walked blindly through the hospital corridors, no clear direction in mind. He needed air. He needed to be alone before he completely lost his composure.
Tears blinded him, and he steeled his jaw, furious at his display of emotion.
Where the fuck were the exits?
He rounded the corner and encountered another maze of hallways. He strode to the far end, only to dead-end at the chapel.
At least it would be quiet and maybe he’d be alone.
He entered the small area of respite and slid into the last pew in a row of four. It was blanketed in quiet, and more importantly, he was the only occupant.
Long-held tears slid down his cheeks. He braced himself on the back of the pew in front of him and leaned forward, burying his face in his arms.
For too long he’d held back any emotion when it came to Hannah. He’d always assumed he was the unlucky victim of a random tragedy. He saw them all the time when he was a cop. Too many times he’d been the one to tell a husband or a wife, a mother or a father, that a loved one was gone. And then it had been him.
Never had he imagined that an act of rage had been responsible for taking away the people he loved. And God, Hannah, completely innocent. A victim. She’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time. If she hadn’t been with David that day, she’d still be alive.
Fury blew through his consciousness, a bleak, destructive storm. That bastard had taken David and Hannah from him, and he’d damned near taken Angelina.
So many lives devastated because of Chad’s sick fixation on Angelina. Angelina, who had just been a teenager, innocent. There was no way she should have attracted the attentions of a man old enough to know better. A man who’d sworn to uphold the law and protect the innocent.
Micah raised his head and stared down at the simple cross that hung high on the far wall, overlooking the pews. It was a symbolic gesture, but it left Micah cold.
“Why?” he asked in a cracked voice.
The cross blurred in his vision, and he closed his eyes in an effort to hold back the tears. His chest was heavy and ached so damn much that breathing was hard.
Promise me, man. If anything ever happens to me, promise me you’ll take care of Angelina. She’s something special, Micah. Heart way too big for her own good. I worry because she doesn’t see everyone for who they are. She’s too busy looking for the good. I’ve tried to get her to adopt some cynicism, but the truth of the matter is, she wouldn’t be the same girl if she did.
A long-ago conversation, one he hadn’t remembered until now, floated through his mind with such clarity that it was like David was sitting next to him in the pew.
He hadn’t given Angelina any thought after the funerals. He’d made a cursory effort to support Angelina in her grief, but he’d been too wrapped up in his own to do her any justice. He’d left Miami within the month, just as soon as David’s affairs had been settled and Angelina was provided for. Financially. He damn sure hadn’t stuck around to make sure she had the emotional support she needed.
He should have been there when she started getting the creepy notes. He should have been heading the investigation. He should have been protecting her. He never should have left her to fend for herself.
I failed her, man. I’m so sorry. I’m so damn sorry.
He closed his eyes again.
I’m sorry, Hannah. I loved you so much. We were happy. I wanted forever. I should have seen it. I should have protected you better.
An image of Hannah’s smiling face wavered in his memory. Laughing, so happy. So gentle and loving. Yes, he’d loved her with everything he had. Angelina deserved that same love, that same depth.
Hannah was gone. It hurt to say it. It hurt to think about it. Maybe the hurt would never fully go away, but Angelina understood. She’d always understood.
Angelina was here. She loved him. He loved her. He wanted a life. With her. He wanted a family, one they’d build together. Love, laughter, children’s smiles, Angelina’s love. He wanted that.
He bowed his head and whispered a simple prayer, one he hadn’t said since he was a boy struggling to survive in a house where there was no love or understanding.
He asked for forgiveness. He asked for peace for Hannah and David. He asked for peace for himself and Angelina. And he asked for one more chance to make things right.
CHAPTER 42
Angelina woke to a darkened room once more. Connor was gone and Micah was slumped in a chair beside her bed. He was asleep and he looked uncomfortable as hell.
The remnants of the medication still lurked in her system, and she enjoyed the sweet respite from the pain. She needed strength for the things she needed to say.
“Micah,” she said in a soft voice.
He roused immediately and sat forward.
“Are you all right? Need more pain medication? I wish you hadn’t waited so long to ask for it this last time. If you need it, you should take it.”
“I’m okay. I need to talk to you. Turn the light on please.”
He got up and went to flip the switch on the wall. They both winced at the sudden burst of light. He looked haggard, his face raw and his eyes haunted.
When he started to sit down on the bed next to her, she shook her head and warned him off with her hand.
“Please. I have a lot to say, and I can’t do it if you’re touching me.”
His brows furrowed in confusion, but he took his seat again in the chair next to the bed.
“I need you to listen to everything I have to say and not interrupt. This is hard enough and I need to just get it out.”
“All right,” he said quietly.
“After I get out of the hospital I’m going to move back to Miami. When I’m able. Connor said I could stay in my apartment as long as I needed to.”
Micah surged forward, his face stormy.
Before he could respond, she shook her head. “You promised.”
“Goddamn it, Angel.”
He was furious, but she was determined to have her say.
“I’ve done a lot of thinking, Micah. A whole lot of soul searching, and what I’ve found makes me ashamed.”
Micah dragged a hand through his hair and pulled it tight at the base of his skull. He looked like he was going to explode, but he remained silent. It was probably killing him.
“I was so determined to show you how perfect we could be together. I loved you. I thought that was enough. I guess being naïve, I thought I could make you love me. Chad was convinced he and I belonged together. He was obsessed, but in his mind he was only doing what he thought was right. He thought if he could just make me see how much he loved me that somehow I could love him back.”
Micah made a strangled sound. His eyes glittered with rage, and she realized he knew where she was going with this. She held up her hand, determined to ward off the meltdown.
“I was as wrong as Chad was,” she said quietly. “I had no right to intervene in your life. I had no right to intrude in your private grief when you went to Mama Rose’s. I certainly had no right to barge into your life here and insert myself into your group of friends and remind you of everything you’d tried to forget. I judged you, I was angry at you for wanting to forget, when it was your right to do so.”
She took a deep breath and plunged ahead.
“When it was just me I had to think about, I was okay with the possibility of rejection. I was okay with putting my life on hold and taking risks. Young and in love and all that. Whole life ahead of me. Nothing to lose. That’s all changed now. I have a baby to think of. I can no longer make decisions based on what affects me. I have to make them with my child in mind. She deserves that much.