The music grows louder and then Vicky walks down the aisle, smiling and nodding at familiar faces as she approaches.
I wait anxiously for the next in line. My heartbeat quickens. I spot the dreamy blonde waves of her hair first, and gulp around the lump in my throat as I take in all her glory. The aisle might as well be a catwalk. The short creamy-coloured dress flows at the sides of her thighs as it moves with each step. The shoes, holy fuck, the shoes. I love her in her Doc Martens, but in these strappy silver hard-on-provoking heels? So sexy.
When her eyes meet mine, her shoulders visibly drop. The smile that spreads across her glossy pink lips is nothing short of beautiful. Having her close lifts some of the weight from my chest, making it easier to breathe.
When April makes her journey down the aisle, with Mac proudly at her side, I turn to look at my best mate. Wow. Never have I seen a man smile like this before. I don’t know whether he’s nervous, about to break out into laughter or burst into tears. From the look of his glassy eyes, I’d say crying is a real possibility. I could give him shit about it, but I won’t. The nuts and bolts of it are that he’s a softy when it comes to his woman. I admire that.
The minister takes over proceedings, and guides Jones and April in their vows. When I’m asked for the rings, I hand them over as if I’m operating on autopilot. I’m here in body, but in spirit I’m standing at the cemetery.
It’s cold, just like it was the day we buried him. As I stand at the foot of his grave, I apologise to him once more. I’m sorry, brother. A million fucking times, I’m sorry.
I’ll never forget how small he looked in that coffin, how his skin felt cool and waxy beneath my fingers.
“Rocco?” Suds says, gripping my forearm. It takes a few blinks before I realise where I am. Jesus, I’m out of it. “We need to sign,” she whispers into the shell of my ear.
“Right,” I mutter, as I clear the deathly visions from my head.
As we sign the paperwork as witnesses, I can’t stop staring at Suds. She’s like some kind of apparition. An angel in a walking wet dream.
“What?” Soph says, with her brows pulled tight together.
“Huh?”
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
I shake my head.
“You’ve got nothing to say?”
“You’re beautiful.” And I wanna bury myself in you.
“You scrub up alright too, grease monkey.” She winks and then takes her position on the other side of the aisle, beside Vicky.
“Now we get to the fun stuff,” the minister says. “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”
The church fills with wolf whistles and cheers as Jones dips April and kisses the ever-loving fuck out her. In front of all these people, he kisses her as if he doesn’t give a shit who’s watching. When they come up for air, April is clutching at her chest and her face and chest are flushed. The two lovebirds laugh together and then hold each other, whispering and revelling in the moment.
For the first time in a long time, I know what I want.
I want that.
I want someone to look at me like April does Jones. I want that heat, that passion, that friendship and that understanding.
I glance over, and Suds is talking with Vicky. She glances up and our eyes connect.
I want that girl.
****
“Next up, we have the best man speech with Rocco De Luca,” Nathan says, and hands over the microphone.
Polite claps fill the room, but everyone on the bridal table wolf whistles. I shake my head as I chuckle. I love these guys.
I look out to the sea of well-dressed people, their eyes eagerly waiting for some words of wisdom. Not one for public speaking, I pretend for a moment that they’re all wearing MX gear. I’ll like ’em better this way.
“I’m not big on words, so I promise this’ll be brief. Jones is my brother. My family. I couldn’t be happier today, seeing these two tie the knot and I’m privileged to have stood beside you today as your best man.” I swallow down and loosen my tie. Sweat beads across my forehead. “I lost someone close recently and had it not been for some special people in this room I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through it. Jones, today you married the love of your life. As husband and wife, I just know you have an awesome future ahead. With the way you two can’t keep your hands off each other, it won’t be long before you have a family of your own.”
The newlyweds lean in and kiss each other, drawing an echo of ahs and aws from the room.
I reach out and place my hand on Jones’s shoulder, looking my mate in the face. I want him to know I’m sincere about what I say next. “It’s taken some time and some life lessons, but I’ve come to realise that I want what you guys have, and I hope one day soon I’ll get that chance. With any luck, in years from now our kids will be racing around together.”
“Cheers to that, bud,” Jones says, and smiles.
I turn back to the room, and raise my glass of non-alcoholic champagne, which I know will taste like arse. “Would you please raise your glass, and help me cheers to Spencer and April.”
The room erupts with cries of “to Spencer and April!”
****
The happy couple have their first dance, and Nathan announces it’s time for the bridal party to join them on the dance floor. Suds offers me a mega-watt smile as I take her hand and lead her to the side of the room. I’d rather have her all to myself somewhere. Fucking formalities.
“I thought you’d have two left feet,” she says, as I hold my arm up and twirl her around. The hem of her dress floats around her thighs, flashing me enough extra flesh to cause my dick to stiffen. It’s not the most convenient timing with this many people gawking at us.
I grind my hips into her, letting her feel what she’s caused in a matter of moments. I’m not holding back today. Not anymore.
“You look good enough to eat,” I growl in her ear.
She laughs softly and stares deep into my eyes as we continue to move to the slow beat. “Hungry, are we?” she says with a raised brow. Tease.
“Starved.”
The song ends, and Suds lowers her hands to her sides and takes a step back.
“Not so fast, Suds. I’m not done dancing with you yet,” I growl, grabbing her hand and bringing her body against mine.
“What’re you playing at, De Luca?” she asks as she boldly glides her hips against mine and my growing hard-on.
“What. No De Loser anymore?” I challenge.
She brushes her finger along my jawline and then presses her finger to my lips. “No. Not anymore.”
“Must’ve done something right,” I joke.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she says, and tilts her head to the side. Her green eyes bore into mine, as if she’s searching for something. “Did you mean what you said in your speech?”
“Every word.”
She nods and her throat bobs as she swallows. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” she says, her voice wavering.
“Spit it out then.”
There’s an awkward pause between us.
“I found a place,” she finally says.
My feet freeze. She’s leaving? Whoa.
“A place, huh?” I say, trying not to show how much it hurts. It’s gonna be one lonely place without her. “Cool,” I add, shrugging one shoulder. I say it more to convince myself to be that way. I knew this day would come, but each passing week gave me the hope that maybe she’d stay … permanently.
“Are you okay?” she asks. “You seemed kind of distant at the church.”
I can’t tell her what the cop told me today and spoil what’s happening here. I don’t want her to stay because she feels sorry for me. No one should hold her back after the shit she’s been through. Not even my selfish arse.
Suds could have made a move to leave before now because she had the money. I adore her for not turning her back on me. She put me before herself, and the only person who’s ever done that for me is my own mother.