“Oh, Rocco,” Suds whispers as her body stiffens around me.
I don’t ever want her to let go.
****
SOPHIE
Anyone would think we just ran across the finish line in the City to Surf. Our bodies are covered in a sheen of sweat, our hair a tangled mess.
“That was … fuck,” he says, with his hand over his heart. I sweep my hand across his warm chest and slip it beneath his fingers, confirming his heart is pounding as hard as mine is. With the back of his hand he wipes a tear from the corner of his eye.
Wow. He felt it too.
Rocco smiles, and my chest tightens. With his closest arm, he draws me to his side and kisses my forehead.
“Next time, you ride me … just like that bull in Vegas.”
I sit up on my elbow and hook my leg over his as I undo my heels. “You were watching me?”
“You were fuckin’ incredible.”
As our breathing recovers, we lie together in a state of hopped-up bliss.
The way he felt inside me, how he wore his strengths and his weaknesses for me to see was completely overwhelming. And the sex? Stupidly incredible.
I’d held back tears when I should have let them out. I don’t need to hide them from him. The more I think about what just happened between us, the funny flutter in my stomach becomes stronger. Is it too soon to tell him how I feel?
Rocco’s breathing tapers off into a light rattle through his nose, leaving me wondering where this leaves us.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
ROCCO
Things always look different in the harsh light of day.
Last night was beyond what I’d imagined, and I’ll hang on to the memory until I’m old and senile.
Suds squirms beside me, still wrapped up in my arms. Even in my state of sleep, I felt as if she was always attached to me somehow—her arms, her legs, her scent.
“Morning,” I croak, and brush a tendril of hair from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear.
Her eyelids flutter open, and a sleepy smile curls at her lips.
“Hmm. Morning,” she says, focusing those green jewels on my eyes. Her body tenses a little as she breathes deeply in and out.
I twist on my side and squeeze her body against mine, but I sense a growing distance between us.
“What’re your plans today?” I ask, and kiss her on the forehead.
Her hands weave their way against my chest and she increases the gap between us. “Um, the real estate is trying to lock in a start date on the lease, so I need to make some calls.”
“You’re still planning on moving?” I ask in a quiet voice. Inside I’m secretly hoping that last night changed something.
“I have to stand on my own two feet, Rocco. Until I do this for myself, I won’t be in a place where I can be good for someone else.”
“I hate to tell you, but I think you’re already there.”
“I need to feel that inside of me. Can you understand why I have to do this?”
The truth is, I can. I can’t hold her back. From the solemn look on her face, it’s obvious to me how important it is to her. “It’s the same thing as doing AA on my own, I guess.”
Whilst I know she said she’d always be there, I know I won’t truly be on my way to kicking this thing if I can’t do it solo.
“Yeah. I think it is. I said I’d be there for you. Any and every meeting you want me to come along to. The fact that we won’t be living together doesn’t change that.”
I shake my head. “You’re really somethin’, Suds.”
“I’ve still got your back, De Luca. Always.”
She takes my face in her warm hands and traces her finger over my scar and down along the ridge of my jawline.
“Do you regret last night?” she asks in a hushed voice.
“Nope,” I say, with a shake of my head. But I do have doubts if I was in the right headspace for it. “Do you?”
“It was amazing, I just … I need time.”
Something I have by the bucket-load. It’s just me, myself and I, and a shit tonne of time.
“Rocco, I’m sorry if I was selfish sleeping with you before I was ready. Until you whispered in my ear on that dance floor, I didn’t realise how much I wanted this. I’ve tried to ignore this thing between us for too long, and last night I didn’t wanna close my eyes to it anymore.”
“You mean the world to me, Suds. I can give you time.”
“You can?”
“For you, anything.”
It’s time for Rocco De Luca to stand up. To take life by the balls and be a man. A man my mother would be proud of. A man who will live the life that V never can.
I want to be better.
I want to charge ahead.
I want this beautiful woman to love me for the man I know I can become, because he’s far stronger than I am. His resolve is hardened, he’s battled his demons, and maybe that version of me will be able to love her the way she should be loved, because this incredible woman deserves nothing less.
I want so badly to be that man.
Once she walks out that door today, I know we won’t be together until I’m him.
And I’ll just have to be okay with that.
EPILOGUE
SOPHIE
Six months later
I park out front of the Wayside Chapel and lean against the door of my car. I’d bet anything that the smile on my face is a stupid shade of ridiculous.
People filter from the building, but there’s no sign of the familiar face I’m here for.
He has to be here.
After the wedding, I moved out, but Rocco and I still caught up with each other, our friendship unable to keep us apart. He refused to let me come to any more meetings, insisting he had to do it himself.
For the last month he’s been on tour overseas with the team. The space has given me time to think. About me. About him. About us.
I’ve seriously missed his bossy arse.
Should I text him? I pull out my phone and scroll through my messages. Grumbling to myself, I lock it down and chuck it through the open car window and onto the front passenger seat. Spencer said he was back from the tour.
He will be here. Relax.
I keep my eyes trained on the door. Minutes later, Rocco walks out with a young guy with short dark brown hair. He’s not as tall at Rocco, but with his olive skin and dark facial features you could easily mistake them for being related. The fact that they’re both wearing black jeans and dark T-shirts only adds to the similarities.
They’re deep in conversation as they progress down the path, veering to the left of me. Rocco bumps his clenched fist against the guy’s upper arm, and then rubs his knuckles over his head. They both chuckle as they play wrestle. It’s so good to see him happy.
I let out an almighty wolf whistle to get his attention. Two pairs of eyes dart in my direction and they freeze.
“Get outta here, buddy. See you next week,” Rocco says to his friend.
My heart dances a quicker beat with each step closer he takes in those familiar boots with that unmistakable Rocco De Luca swagger.
“I thought I was fuckin’ dreaming for a second there,” he says, and stands toe to toe with my boots.
I lift my aviator sunnies to sit on my head. “Nope. You’re wide awake.” I still persist with the idiot grin. I can’t stifle it.
Rocco hauls me into his arms and squeezes me into his warm chest as he turns me around, lifting my feet off the ground. When he sets me down on my feet, my heart feels as if it’s sure to explode.
With the time apart I thought I’d feel different. The warm, soul-settling feeling in my chest and the want I have for this man overtake any reservations I might have had. It just confirms how right this is.