“I set the alarm on my phone. I figure we can get a couple hours of sleep at least.” His sarcasm made me laugh. “But first I have to know something.”
His tone had my body tensing. I wasn’t sure I could handle any more seriousness tonight.
“When did you get pregnant with Rachel?” His question was timid and his expression earnest as he waited for me to answer. I knew this was important to him and he deserved to have his worry eased.
“The night after you left. I got trashed and ended up having sex with Bo Miller.” I could tell by the look of disgust on his face that he wanted to say something about Bo—he was always the bad boy bully in school, but thankfully he chose to keep his mouth shut. It wasn’t as if I would blame him; Bo was… well, Bo. Everyone in town knew how unreliable he was. It had just taken me a little longer to find out. “It wasn’t until a few weeks later I realized just how bad I had fucked up. Not just with letting you go, but also with the fact that I was going to be a teen mom. I knew you’d never want to come back for me then.”
It felt good to finally admit everything to him. The weight of the past finally lifted from my shoulders. I would never regret having Rachel, but the circumstances she was conceived under I would rewrite if I could.
“If you had asked, I would have come back. I never stopped loving you.” The back of his fingers stroked my cheek and his mouth pressed to mine in a brief kiss that communicated his sincerity.
“I could never have asked you to do that,” I spoke against his lips.
He pulled back and his eyes danced around my face in search of something. What, I didn’t know. “It doesn’t matter because I’m here now and this time I won’t let you get rid of me.”
Before I could answer, he turned off the light, rolled us so I faced the opposite wall and pressed his long, hard body against mine.
“Night,” I whispered into the dark.
“Goodnight,” his deep voice was like silk wrapping around me as I drifted into sleep. There were still so many things we needed to talk about, but what we had right then was more than enough for me.
FOUR
“Do you want to spend the day with Rachel and me tomorrow?” I asked Matt, as we stood outside my apartment. The sun was just kissing the sky behind us, and as much as I didn’t want him to leave, I knew he had to.
“I’d love to.” He leaned forward and pressed his mouth to mine in a sweet and tender kiss that had my leg lifting like in a fairytale. I wanted to weep with joy at how young and lighthearted I felt again. “How’s noon tomorrow?”
“Sounds good.”
After another kiss that lasted a little longer and was a lot deeper, he strutted his tight ass across the catwalk, giving me a flick of his fingers and a sexy grin as he disappeared down the stairs.
Less than an hour later, I was making pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse while Rachel bounced in her chair, coloring a picture.
I chewed on my lip, wondering how to broach the topic of Matt being around more. After we made love that morning, Matt had assured me again that he wasn’t going anywhere. He even went so far as to tell me that if I wanted to take things slow it wasn’t going to happen. We had already wasted too much time.
I smiled as I stuck a chocolate chip into the batter where Mickey’s nose should be. Even though it scared the bejeezus out of me, I was thrilled that he didn’t want to go slow. The only pickle in that plan was how my daughter would react to it. Her overall wellbeing and easy adjustment to this new scenario was my number one priority.
Setting the plate down in front of Rachel, I drizzled syrup on her pancakes and then sat down next to her to watch her eat.
“Those good, baby?” I asked her.
“Yep,” she chirped with a smile that showcased chocolate streaked teeth.
“Good.”
Silence descended as she continued eating and coloring with one hand. I opened my mouth several times to say something, but each time I chickened out and took a sip of my tea instead.
“Honey, Mommy needs to talk to you about something,” I finally worked up the courage to say.
“Okay,” she answered, but continued to color like I hadn’t just spoken.
“Can you put the crayon down and look at me?” She easily complied and when I had her attention, I stammered, “Do you like Mr. DiGristino?”
“Yep,” she chirped and started to divert her attention back to coloring. I rid her hand of the offending crayon and pulled her onto my lap so she had no choice but to pay attention.
“Mr. DiGristino used to be really good friends with Mommy,” I began only to be interrupted.
“Like Suzie?”
“Yes, baby. Just like Suzie down the hall is your friend, Mr. DiGristino, or Matt, used to be mommy’s friend.”
“Okay.” She blinked up at me, and I felt like a heel for not handling this better.
Get to the point, Miranda.
“Mommy and Matt are going to start spending more time together. Are you okay with him coming over and maybe going places with us sometimes?”
“Yes,” she immediately answered.
I slumped in my chair a little and smiled down at her. “Good, but if you ever feel unhappy about it, will you tell me?”
“Okay.” She started to squirm, and I knew I was losing her attention. With a kiss to her forehead, I released my hold on her. She bounced back into her chair and resumed eating and coloring.
I shook my head and brought my cup to the sink. Kids really were resilient. I only hoped my happiness wouldn’t impede on hers, but would make her life that much more rich and vibrant. Because that’s exactly what my world seemed like that morning—complete Technicolor as opposed to its usually lackluster dullness.
*****
“Higher!” Rachel squealed.
Matt chuckled and pushed her swing a little higher.
It was Sunday and we had just had a picnic in the park, courtesy of the wonderful man standing next to me. I was sure I didn’t deserve him, but I wasn’t letting him go either. Not after I knew how horrible it felt to do it the first time.
“She’s quite the spitfire,” he said as we watched Rachel run over to the jungle gym, disappearing into the maze.
I turned my body towards his and wrapped my arms around his waist, laying my head against his chest. “She is.”
“Just like her mother,” he continued.
“Maybe,” I eluded. I hoped Rachel was more than me. So much more. I wanted her to have the moon and the stars if that was what she wanted. It would be over my dead body that she would end up with limited options like me.
“I can’t stop thinking about being inside you again,” he whispered as his hand slipped down my back to squeeze my ass.
“Me either.” I shivered from his teasing touch and the lust building in my veins.
“How many men have you been with since…” his words trailed off, but I knew what he was hinting at. He had been the first boy to ever make love to me. We had both been virgins, spending our nearly three-year relationship learning the joys and pleasures of each other’s bodies. We had tried new positions and new techniques that we had seen on the Internet or watched in porn. It was perfection—until it wasn’t.
Disappointment had me frowning. If I hadn’t screwed up everything, I might still be able to say that he was my one and only.
“Turn that frown upside down,” he joked, his finger lifting the side of my mouth into a quasi-grin. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“No, it’s fine. I was just thinking about how much I screwed up with you. You deserve to know everything about me. Never question that.” I took a deep breath and forged on. “I’ve been with four guys. You, Bo, and two other men who were random hookups after Bo left us.”