Sitting inside my beat up Toyota Corolla, I rested my head on the steering wheel. With my eyes pinched shut, I gave myself a silent pep talk before reversing out of my spot and heading across town.
I could do this. I could. Totally.
*****
Talk about seedy.
My first thought when I pulled into the large parking lot on the side of the grey stucco building was not a good one and had me full of sorts of apprehension.
There were half a dozen cars there even though it was only four o’clock in the afternoon. Was that normal? I fought against my gorge rising. It was healthy to be this anxious before applying for a new job, right?
So what if this was the last place I wanted to be. It was a necessary evil. Eventually I would get past the foulness that was Pussy Willows, the town’s premier strip club. Or at least that was what they advertised themselves to be.
My heart rate picked up as I climbed out of the car and surveyed what could potentially be my next employer. A large white sign hung in front of the black metal door announcing there were strippers inside. The lights illuminated the silhouette of a woman and each letter underneath her flickered under the shade of a nearby tree. Litter dotted the cracked pavement, making me wonder how they stayed in business with such a lack of care for the establishment. Then again, men usually had a one-track mind. They probably didn’t even notice how rundown the place was, given the fact that it held the promise of naked women once inside.
Standing in front of the building, eying my future with unease, I hesitated for a long moment. My feet may as well have been encased in lead shoes for how heavy they felt at the prospect of walking into the dingy building.
I didn’t think I was strong enough to go through with this preposterous idea. But the gnawing ache of hunger in my stomach told me I had no choice. I had to put aside my comfort and pride. Sadie and I needed to live. Now that I was her sole parent, I had no other choice. It wasn’t about me. It was about my little girl.
As I pulled open the large door, music with heavy bass filtered down the small hallway that opened up into a large room. Walking the few feet on shaky legs, I took in the room as I entered it.
A large rectangular bar was to my right. One single female manned it while a large soffit hung from the ceiling displaying images of women in various positions of intimacy around it. The bartender was petite with blonde hair teased out to there, and wore a top that barely contained her breasts. She laughed at a patron who sat on a stool in front of her.
To the left was a T-shaped catwalk with poles positioned down the part that jutted out from the wall. A topless woman twirled upside down on one of the poles, while another topless woman was on her hands and knees in front of a group of older gentleman standing next to the stage. They ran their hands over her, groping her breasts. Money was strewn around her and while the men were clearly enjoying themselves, her face was blank. Completely void of any emotion.
I narrowed my eyes in search of a bouncer, finally finding one tucked back against the wall on the side of the stage. He was watching the men with clear interest in what they were doing. Excited interest. Like he was getting off on her being fondled.
Wasn’t there a hands-off-the-entertainment policy here?
My hand tightened on my purse strap and a shudder wracked the frame of my body at the thought I might actually get pawed at while performing. The dancing didn’t bother me, and I knew I could get past being mostly naked once I did it a few times. However, there was no way I could be comfortable with being free fodder for any horny man that walked through the door.
“Hey, sweetie?” The bartender called from my side, just as I was about to turn tail and run.
I spun around quickly, probably looking like a deer caught in headlights.
“Can I get you something?” she asked, leaning her forearms on the bar top.
“I—” Clearing my throat when my voice was low and croaky, I tried again. “I was hoping to speak with management.”
She gave me a skeptical once over. “What do you want with management?”
The man next to her snickered and took a sip of the amber liquid in his tumbler.
I squared my shoulders and told her, “I’m looking for a job. I was hoping for an interview.”
Her eyebrows flew up in shock. The man out and out laughed at my announcement. The bartender cut her gaze to him, and he choked back his laughter under her glare.
“Nice girl like you? You don’t want an interview,” she informed me, her eyes shifting from him back to my face.
“Yes, I do,” I said. My words holding a thread of steel in them.
She stared at me for several moments likely thinking I had lost my mind. It didn’t say good things about the place if this was her reaction.
“It’s your funeral then,” she mumbled, and gave a meaningful look to the man sitting in front of her, which he returned. “I’ll go get Dick.”
I watched her walk away, my bravado leaving my body. With hunched shoulders, I stared at the opposite wall and waited as a terrible sense of foreboding took over.
This was a bad idea. I could still leave with my pride and dignity intact. Only problem was, pride and dignity wouldn’t put a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I was never going to forgive Kevin for this. No loving husband or father would leave their family in this predicament.
“Reanna was just trying to help you,” the man at the bar’s words took me from my thoughts.
“Getting this job is what will help me.” The words came out a little snider than I intended, and I found myself apologizing. “I’m sorry. I have a lot on my mind.”
“You’re about to have even more.” His cryptic words sounded like a dire warning, but I couldn’t worry about what he said because Reanna was coming back. Her face, which was pretty earlier, now twisted into a grimace.
“Dick will see you. Down that hall,” she gestured to where she just came from and continued, “second door on the left.”
“Thanks,” I croaked out. My throat suddenly dry.
“Good luck.” She nudged me towards the door, and I forced my feet to come unstuck.
The whole walk across the floor and down the hall, felt like a journey towards a really big guillotine. As if impending doom lingered behind the door.
“You can do this,” I whispered to myself. My hand slowly reached out. A fist forming. I took a deep breath and knocked on the metal.
Within seconds, the door flew open and my breath left my body in a whoosh. The man standing before me looked shady and sleazy as I took in his thin and balding hair, his paunch beer belly, and his cheap suit pants.
His eyes devoured every inch of my body as I stood before him. The oily smile he gave me had my skin crawling. I fought the urge to run the other way and stuck my hand out towards him.
“Hello. My name is Alyssa.” My voice trembled, but I didn’t think he was paying any attention. His eyes were fixated on my breasts as he ignored my proffered hand.
Letting it fall back to my side, I cleared my throat and tried again. “You’re Dick?” I asked in an attempt to get the man’s focus on my face and not my chest.
At the sound of his name, he looked up momentarily and gave me a creepy smile. “Sure am, honey.”
He stepped back and held his arm out, gesturing for me to come into the room. I hesitantly moved past him and took in my surroundings. The walls were banged up and dingy. Various posters of naked women were pinned up around the room. A wooden desk sat on the left side of the room, papers covering every available surface. And on the wall opposite the door was a large, red couch. Its cushions stained and off kilter.
Dick closed the door behind me, and I heard the click of a lock. My heart raced at the realization I was now alone in a locked room with this man. I spun around, my hands clammy and my throat closing on me.