Hayley was in her room working on a project for school and skyping friends. Jack had an awesome feeling of peace wash over him.
“We’re actually pretty good at this, aren’t we?” Jack said. Riley looked up from bouncing Lexie on his knee. He let her go when she climbed down to stand on the floor. She was a little spitfire, always on the go.
“We do okay,” Riley answered. “So you think Darren is staying a while, or has he come up for Vaughn?”
“He didn’t say anything, just wanted directions.”
Connor leaned back to look at the tower of bricks his sister was building, and for a moment he tugged in Jack’s hold. Jack made to let him down, only then he was clinging hard and curling up against Jack’s chest. Where Lexie was the spitfire, Connor was the one content to sit and stare or, more likely, sleep. He settled in for the long haul, and Jack relaxed back into the sofa.
The tower toppled, Lexie squealed, and Max yelped and covered his ears. Riley calmed Max, Connor fell asleep, and all it needed was for Hayley to come down and Jack’s moment would be perfect.
“What would you do if Vaughn went back to Laredo? Maybe Darren is here to talk to him.”
Jack considered the issue. “I’d find someone else, but I don’t want to have to. Vaughn is a good guy, friendly, calm with the horses, learning every day, and Robbie, Eli, and him make a good team. It would be a loss.” He couldn’t help but regret that Vaughn might well decide moving back was a good thing. He was on a casual contract at the moment, and if Jack was honest, he’d done it that way to give Vaughn the chance to test the waters up here. Poor bastard was in the trailer Jack had towed onto D land. Jack had the plans for accommodation for the hands, for Vaughn and the others he’d have to think about pulling in if he was running the therapy center and his breeding program. He wanted Vaughn to stay, but would he?
“Vaughn seemed set on coming up here,” Riley pointed out. “Can’t see as it was an easy decision, but he made it. He doesn’t seem the sort to back out.”
Max left the room, and Riley followed, which stopped the conversation, but enough had been said. On the way back, Riley grabbed more coffee for them both, and they took up where they’d left off catching up on the day.
“Did you read Sean’s book?” Jack asked. He’d wanted to ask the same question ever since the day Sean had visited with the book.
“I haven’t, not yet. I don’t get why it’s something he thinks I should read, I know there’s PTSD stuff in there, but I’m trying to deal with it my own way, okay? And Eden is coming out this weekend for a girly thing with Hayley, getting ready for the party, so I’ll talk to her then.”
Jack hated that Riley had changed the subject. Things were definitely not okay. Riley had woken him up last night in the throes of a nightmare. They were all too frequent.
“Wouldn’t hurt to read it,” Jack said. He worded it so it sounded like it didn’t matter one bit if Riley didn’t. He was pleased when Riley scooped it up and took it to the bedroom with them, although it got left on the dresser once they were there.
They climbed into bed, and Riley immediately turned into Jack’s hold and buried his face into Jack’s chest before turning his head. He was doing a lot of that kind of thing. Wanting hugs, to be held, and he seemed most at ease when he had his ear pressed to Jack’s heart. Jack just wished Riley would actually talk some more about what had happened to him in Mexico. They hadn’t really made love since it happened, nothing more than some mutual masturbation. It was something that didn’t sit right with Jack and normally wouldn’t have been right for Riley either.
Jack buried his fingers in Riley’s short blond hair and tugged him up for a kiss. Riley made a small noise of protest but moved enough so he could meet Jack’s lips. The kisses were slow and soft, and only when Jack was hard and needy did he press for more. And then the inevitable happened.
Riley pulled away and resumed his position in Jack’s hold with his head lying on Jack’s chest.
“’M tired,” he whispered.
Jack didn’t sleep. He waited until Riley was asleep and was pliant enough to gently ease off him. Then he slipped out of bed and pulled on his jeans.
This wasn’t a happy Riley in his arms. This was a man who had demons, who couldn’t seem to rest, who was on the go in avoidance mode as often as he could be. For a second, Jack stood by the open door and looked back on Riley, curled in a ball on his side. Even that was different. Riley was the kind to sprawl this way and that, stealing covers and generally making the bed his own. That was one of the things Jack loved, when he and Riley tussled for blankets and inevitably came together in heated passion at any time of the night. The sex, the making love, that wasn’t what was missing. It was the most basic of connections that Riley was not making.
Grabbing his cell, Jack let himself out of the kitchen door and found his familiar place at the fence. Leaning against the solid wood, he dialed the first number he could think of, the only person who could hear all his thoughts and not judge. It was late, but he hoped to hell she was up.
She answered almost immediately.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Mom.” Then he stopped. What kind of an adult man went running to Momma when he had a problem? He should have called Josh or Beth or maybe no one at all.
“Jack? Sweetheart? Is it the children?”
“What? No. Sorry, nothing is… everything is okay.”
Donna let out an exhalation of relief.
“Is everything okay?” Jack heard Neil say somewhere in the room with his mom, and abruptly he was embarrassed.
“All okay,” Donna answered her husband. At that point Jack wanted to say good-bye and just forget he’d even called, but she continued. “Hang on, Jack. Stay right there.” There was some rustling and the sound of a door closing, and then she was back. “Sorry, Neil was on call out last night, so he’s exhausted.”
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“So talk to me,” she said. She used the mom-tone, the one that spoke of a safe place to share news and problems.
“It’s not… it’s… Riley.”
“What’s wrong with Riley?”
“He’s not himself, and he won’t listen to me about going to a counselor or getting some help, and he’s just shutting down whenever we’re alone.”
His mom hummed her acknowledgment of his words. “Darling, he probably feels safe shutting down with you. He went through something bad, and this is his way of dealing. Not everyone needs to see a shrink.”
“You think I should just leave him?”
“What does your instinct tell you?”
Jack held back what his instinct was telling him. His instinct had him using ties and a blow job and a whole lot of edging to get Riley to open up to him. The approach had worked before, why wouldn’t it work now?
Instead he kept his response PG rated. “I want to get him to see that he’s wound up tighter than a coiled spring.”
Donna chuckled. “Then that is what you need to do.”
And just like that Donna was pushing the whole thing back to Jack. She was right; there was nothing she could do. He was the one with a lover who had nightmares. He was the one with the man who curled in a fetal position in bed. Tomorrow morning he would tell Riley exactly what he thought of everything and get Riley to do something. Anything. No one knew Riley like he did, all the tiny insecurities, the size of the man’s heart, and the worries and fears.
“You’re good,” he said with his own laugh.
“I’m a mom,” Donna replied. “Go to bed, Jack, tomorrow is soon enough.”
“I love you, Mom.”
“Love you too.”
She finished the call, and Jack stretched tall in the cool air. A quick walkthrough of the horses and a check on the security cameras in the back barn and he had no excuse not to go back indoors. When he yawned as he shut the kitchen door, he realized he was putting off sleep and that he would regret it come morning.