It's like we were playing freeze tag and someone just yelled, FREEZE.
And I did!
But I don't have to say anything because she continues with, “You know, I really worry about what would happen, should Phillip decide to marry someone besides you.”
How did we get to babies and marriage from food?
And now she's got him marrying someone else? What's wrong with her?
“What do you mean?” I think I must have got lost somewhere because I'm really not following all of this.
“Well, you know most of Phillip's girlfriends have felt a bit threatened by your relationship with him. And I'm just afraid that if he marries someone who feels that way, well, you need to know that I would have to do whatever makes her feel comfortable.”
Then she pulls out the big guns.
“We might not be able to include you in everything, like we do now.”
Oh, that hurts.
That thought makes me want to cry.
I look at her with sad puppy dog eyes and say, “You mean if Phillip marries someone else, you're going to kick me out of the family?”
“Now, JJ, we'd never be able to get rid of you.”
Like I'm a puppy that she's thinking about taking to the pound.
“I am just trying to impress upon you that the situation could prove to be difficult in the future.” Her eyes look warmer.
Apparently we're not talking about the weather any more.
“I'm not sure if Phillip has any desire to date me, let alone marry me. Have you talked to him about any of this?”
“No, but I know how he feels about you. It's quite obvious.”
It is?
Still?
She thinks Phillip might actually want to marry me?
I get a brilliant idea. “I know, you could just adopt me. Then no one could complain, and you wouldn't have to get rid of me.”
She's too quick for me though because she says, “Wouldn't it just be easier to give it a try with Phillip?”
“Probably,” I say, telling her the answer she wants to hear.
I know she'd never shut me out of their lives, but she does bring up a good point.
Some of Phillip's girlfriends have had a problem with me.
OKAY. Most of them.
But I swear, I'm always nice to them. So it can't be because of anything I've done. I mean most of them seemed pretty nice.
No, that's not exactly true.
I think back and realize that I can't think of even one girl that Phillip's dated that I really liked.
Could all those girls see it in me?
Was I experiencing latent jealousy all these years?
No, that couldn't be it. I just think the girls realized that if Phillip had to choose between them and me, he would always pick me.
And he would.
That's one of the things I like best about him.
I suppose it's time I return the favor.
Hey wait, I already did.
Today.
I chose Phillip over Jimmy. Yay for me!
I hear Julie talking to me.
“JJ, what are you thinking about so hard?”
“Um, just about what you were saying. You're right. None of Phillip's girlfriends have ever liked me much.”
She smiles big at me. She likes being right.
“They were jealous of you. Phillip has feelings for you that are very strong and feelings like that are hard to hide. Ashley told me just the other day, she thinks Phillip has always been in love with you.”
“I know. I think I've always felt the same way.”
OH CRAP!
I can't believe that just slipped out of my mouth!
She really smiles at that.
Boy she is good, that sneaky woman.
Somehow, maybe she put truth serum in the brownies, she's already got me to admit that I love Phillip.
She should be an interrogator.
She'd feed people sweets and have them confessing to everything before they even realized what she was up to.
I've already said enough to incriminate me, and she is the closest thing to a mom that I have, so I might as well tell her the rest of the truth.
Cause this is the part that worries me.
This is the chicken shit part.
“I've been kind of afraid to do anything about how I feel because I don't want to mess things up and lose him. Lose our friendship. Because that I couldn't take.”
She gets out a bottle of wine, uncorks it and pours me half a glass.
“You shouldn't think of it as losing your friend, dear. You should look at it as gaining something a whole lot better.”
I look at the half glass of wine in front of me. God, she's got visuals.
“That's kind of like the whole is the glass half empty or is it half full thing, huh?”
She raises an eyebrow at me. I'm afraid if I don't succumb, she may stoop to torture.
“I get it,” I say, laughing and holding up my hands in defeat. “Really, I get it.”
Then she walks over to a bookcase in the family room, pulls a picture frame off the shelf and sets it in front of me.
The picture is of Phillip and me together as babies.
We're naked, of course.
I wonder if our parents ever stopped to think there might be something slightly wrong about having us together naked all the time. Maybe I need to go to a shrink and have them hypnotize me to pull out my early memories. Maybe it's their fault I can't commit.
I consider for a second saying this, but think better of it and just look at the picture.
Another visual.
I have to wonder. Did she plan all this, or is she just winging it? Because if she's winging it, I need to sign up for lessons on manipulation from this woman. I always considered it one of my stronger skills, but I realize I'm a total novice compared to her.
I look at the picture again. You know, this is the first time in my life, I haven't flinched or cringed upon seeing a picture like this.
God, I must have grown up somewhere along the way.
I surprise myself by thinking that I now agree with what Mom always used to say.
You and Phillip are just so adorable.
We would probably have beautiful children.
Woah.
Wait.
Did I really just think that?
I am shocked at the things my own mind has been thinking lately. It's like it has a mind of its own!
I must have been smiling at the picture a little too dreamily.
“You would have adorable children,” Julie says, reading my mind.
Evidently that talent does run in the family.
“That's part of the reason why I made all the snacks for your party.”
“So Phillip and I can have an adorable baby?”
You've got to be kidding.
She laughs, “Well, not exactly. I just thought it would be nice if you could spend some time alone together. I think it would be good for both of you. And while you're at it, would you please tell Phillip how you feel about him? That Monica girl drives me nuts.”
I smile at that. Cuz, ME TOO.
And then she gets a big smile on her face and adds, “And I guess if I get a grand baby out of the deal, all the better.”
I knew she had an ulterior motive.
This whole conversation is very unexpected and sort of weird, but a lot of her comments hit home. But I really didn't need any convincing, I had already decided.
I want Phillip, and I'm not going to let anyone, even moaning Monica, get in my way.
Scratch that.
I am more grown up than that.
Monica is not the problem.
I am.
And this time, I'm not going to let myself get in the way.
Mrs. Mac looks at the clock and gasps, “Oh, look at the time! Is there anything else I need to take?” She refers to her spreadsheet. “Summer sausage. I almost forgot. JJ, will you run out to the garage freezer and get two packages of summer sausage?”