I propped my hands on the bathroom counter and the medal clanged against the granite. None of it made sense. The out-of-control feeling I’d had the last night I was with Lily was supposed to have disappeared the moment I pushed her out of my life. The idea was simple: I’d felt like I was in the driver's seat before her, so once I pushed her away and she was gone, I’d regain that control.
“Crazy feeling, isn’t it?”
I looked up to see an older man in a fitted tuxedo washing his hands in the sink beside me. He also wore a James Beard medal around his neck and I recognized him as the winner of the Outstanding Chef award.
“Yeah, crazy.”
He smiled.
“Family here tonight?” I asked.
His brow furrowed for a moment and then he met my gaze in the mirror. “No. They stayed behind in England when I moved to the States for work a few years ago.”
“Don’t you miss them?”
“I’m sure you understand better than anyone,” he replied. “The culinary world is not a field for those who want a picket fence and two and a half kids. We work nights and weekends and our days are spent dreaming up the next great idea. There’s not time for much else.”
He smiled as if he was proud of the man he was, the man who would leave his family to pursue his own selfish dreams. I’d thought I wanted to be a man like him, but my life wouldn’t be wasted in the back offices of a bustling restaurant.
Not any more.
When I walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later, I felt lighter than I had in years. I’d left the weight of the medal on the bathroom sink, and the weight of former dreams alongside it.
Chapter Forty-Six
Lily
I had too much pride to call Dean, but I loved him enough to con my way into his dumb awards ceremony. I leaned against the back wall, out of everyone’s way as the skinny bitch on stage read through the descriptions for the three nominees. I thought she smiled extra wide as she read off Dean’s accomplishments, but I was too far away to know for sure. With a flick of her wrist, she tore into the envelope and I held my breath. I wanted him to win. I hated him with every bone in my body, but I wanted him to win.
“Dean Harper! The youngest winner of the Outstanding Restaurateur award in history!”
He was so shocked and so handsome and so alone as he took that stage. My heart sank as he gripped the medal in his hand. He should have been elated, but his voice sounded flat over the mic¸ like he was reading off a farewell speech at a funeral. I nibbled on my bottom lip. I didn’t want to be right about what I’d told Dean—that he was alone, that no one would be there to congratulate him or hold his hand. I’d yelled that at him during a moment of fury, but now my words were coming true. Dean had no one to congratulate him. No one that mattered.
He offered the crowd a small, tight smile and then walked off stage after the shortest speech of the night. The pretty announcer trailed after him, trying to keep up with his quick pace. He disappeared behind the stage and I moved to follow after him. I was in a floor-length gown I’d borrowed from Jo, and I’d spared the time to do my hair and makeup. No one batted an eyelash at me as I swept the curtain aside and stepped into the depths of the opera house. The belly of the building was nothing compared to the ornate detailing in the auditorium. Backstage consisted of a narrow black hallway branching off to separate rooms every few feet. One sign pointed me in the direction of the stage and another directed me to a women’s changing room. I passed a few nondescript black doors and then I heard Dean’s voice over the sound of running water.
Another voice seeped through the door, but I couldn’t make out the conversation. I pushed my ear to the door and tried in vain to hear through the thick wood. It was no use—unless, of course, they were actually saying “geri hrjt hempjrh ggfffnj.” In which case, I could hear them perfectly.
A moment later, the water cut off and footsteps echoed on the other side of the door. The handle turned and the door swung out. I jumped, swiveled, and tried to flatten my body against the wall like a pancake, but the door came straight for me. I held my foot out and caught it just before it broke my face.
Dean’s cologne hit me first, rolling a wave of nostalgia over me. The last night I’d slept with him, he’d pinned me to his bed with his face pressed to the crook of my neck. We were so close it was suffocating and I’d inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with the scent of him until it overwhelmed me. Maybe if I’d known that would be my last night in his bed, I would have breathed in a little deeper, tried to fill my lungs until they burned.
His profile slipped past me and I caught sight of his strong jaw, straight nose, and furrowed brows. He was a vision in his black tuxedo. His broad shoulders filled out the jacket and his black pants tapered down his long legs.
He didn’t see me as he passed. He was already halfway down the hallway by the time the door fell closed with a heavy thud.
It was a few minutes later, as I told myself I had to move, that I realized his chest had been bare.
He’d left the medal in the bathroom.
Why?
Chapter Forty-Seven
From: Dean Harper
To: Lily Black, Julian Lefray, Zoe Davis
Subject: Ivy & Wine
Seems Hunter retired from the restaurant world for good. I put in an offer on the building where he was planning to open Ivy & Wine. The construction team is already halfway through building the restaurant we designed. Maybe we should send him a thank you basket?
D. Harper
From: Julian Lefray
To: Lily Black, Dean Harper, Zoe Davis
Subject: Re: Ivy & Wine
Wow. Lily’s plan actually worked. And all it took was turning my girlfriend into an escort! ;)
-J
From: Zoe Davis
To: Lily Black, Dean Harper, Julian Lefray
Subject: Re: Re: Ivy & Wine
I just went by the building!!!! Hunter actually ended up helping us a ton. That space will be finished in a few months. If we buckle down we could open early next year.
Zoe
From: Dean Harper
To: Lily Black, Julian Lefray, Zoe Davis