n your nerves and what’s more he spends his time getting at you for not being at your desk or for getting in late he keeps on asking where you’ve been after all it’s not your fault if mr x is never at his desk when you go to see him after having weighed the pros and cons and girded up your loins to ask for a raise of course it is not necessary to inform mr x of all the bones you have to pick with your engineer because mr x for strictly professional reasons discipline being the solid foundation of all firms be they in the national nationalised or private sector could take your engineer’s side so restrain yourself from uttering more than er or perhaps um sigh if you have to hold down your tears pull out a few of your hairs strike your breast but above all do not attempt to tell a real whopper that would not be any use because mr x will in any case take advisement from said engineer and that will be worse tell yourself that even engineers do not live for ever that he may yield to the temptations of the brain drain that he may choke on a fish bone or get food poisoning from an egg that is off or succumb to complications arising from late-onset measles you do not even have to give fate a helping hand or if you do get it done without any witnesses around leave no clues and cook up a cast-iron alibi so we shall suppose to keep things simple — for we must do our best to keep things simple — either that fate has been extremely kind to you or that you did not get caught in short here you are with a new engineer get on with him for instance by pretending to get on with the job or why not by actually doing the job for a few weeks you’ll see it can be quite interesting anyway it’s no bad thing for you to give up the habit of going to see mr x every five minutes at least for a while mr x is beginning to get a bad impression when after a few weeks or a few months the air has been cleared you are getting on with your new engineer like a house on fire the criminal investigation department has given up on the case charges against mr x have been dismissed the company got a major government subsidy that saved it from going broke you turn up once again to see mr x he’s not in no matter you pace up and down in the corridor while you wait then since he seems to be a long time coming you go to see if you can have a schmooze with ms wye but ms wye is not in her office and it doesn’t seem she’s in a good mood either so you circumperambulate the various departments which taken together constitute the whole or part of the organisation which has given you everything and if you bump into your engineer grace him with your most gracious smile but don’t forget that next time you should be equipped with some file or other to justify your being in the vicinity of a department you have nothing to do with in theory nor does your engineer by the way but pointing that out to him won’t get you very far some days later go back to see mr x he is still not in you wait in the corridor then you go to see ms wye but ms wye though appearing to be in the very best of moods is not in her office and so you gear yourself up to circumperambulate the various departments which taken together constitute the whole or part of the huge organisation in whose bosom you are bored stiff for forty-five hours a week when you see mr x appear at the end of the corridor so five minutes after you go and knock on his door but naturally he doesn’t even answer and you return downcast but not really disheartened for it takes more than that to knock you down to your desk you do not try your luck anew the next day because the morrow is thursday and if mr x were to put you off to the day after the morrow that morrow would be a friday and mr x might scratch himself on a fish bone or get indigestion from none-too-fresh-laid eggs and in the situation that is now yours with two years and three months still to go before retirement it has become dangerous to take unnecessary risks you wait until the following tuesday which proves to be a happy day since you find ms wye at her desk at your first attempt and delighted to have a chitchat on the other hand you don’t see a sign of mr x and as your conversation peters out after three hours and fifteen minutes ms wye having lost all her good humour throws you out and asks you not to come back tomorrow wednesday you quite pointlessly circumperambulate forty-five times in a row the various departments which taken together constitute the whole or part of the vast organisation where you eat your heart out the next day thursday you avoid meeting mr x altogether but in the ardent wish to stack all the odds in your favour you produce a weighty tome of paperwork for your engineer who deigns to say thank you the following day friday you clumsily knock the contents to wit a seafood salad and a portion of baked alaska off your cafeteria tray thereby soiling the freshly-pressed suit of your line manager mr x out of caution you allow two weeks to pass before making any new attempt then you go to see mr x but mr x is not in so you wait for him in the corridor then as ms wye seems to be still in a foul mood you circumperambulate the various departments which taken together constitute the whole or part of one of france’s most powerful concerns then you go to see mr x he is in he raises his eyes when you knock he tells you to come in and even asks you to be seated despite having lots of little red spots on his face but as you’ve been taught that you must only ask your line manager if one of his daughters has measles if he fails to offer you a seat you do not ask him about his health or the health of his loved ones you try to relax and to lay out your problem well let’s see says mr x is this a T60 issue no you say does this involve another project no you say is this about a raise yeeees you blurt now let’s see your line manager then says have you recently been involved in a major successful company project not really you say ah ah says mr x are you on good terms with your engineer yeees you blurt in triumph well and good says mr x and what can we do for you you see it’s all gone swimmingly no major incident has inflected the straight path of your two hundred and fifty-fifth bid could it be at long last that after so many years devoted persistently to this sole project you are at long last nearing your goal i really don’t think so myself but that’s not a reason for you to disbelieve in clear and intelligible speech smiling through your tears restraining the emotions that well up from your heart you explain that you earn 691 francs a month and would like to er um earn er perhaps not 6, 910 or even 6, 190 or even 1, 960 or even 1, 690 but er 961 or 900 well 850 er 800 ok 791 take it or leave it all right i’ll come down to er 700 fine says your line manager do not make the naive mistake of thinking that your line manager will answer with a yes or with a no rest assured you will not get the raise you want i mean you will not get it in the here and now just like that on the nail you will not leave the office of mr x richer by 9 francs a month you have to grasp that in a company such as the one you work for one of the largest major companies in france a raise raises very complex issues not only with respect to accountancy but with respect to all aspects of the socio-economic policies for the short medium and long term of said company moreover it is obvious that mr x does not have the power to give you a raise just like that by clicking his fingers the most he could do is write a letter of support to the head of human resources who after consulting the appropriate authorities could propose as a part of an overall recalibration of the wages component of the company’s outgoings a recalibration intimated moreover in the fifth national economic plan to put forward your name to an upcoming meeting or one of the subsequent meetings of the board of directors to sum up mr x though unable to meet your request on the spot can either give you to understand that your initiative not only does not surprise him but makes him wonder why you have taken so long to come up with it because he has always been in favour of such a step and encourages you to cherish the hope of promotion in a not excessively distant future time or tell you more or less straight out that he finds your demands unjustifiable cynical base and mean and that he never imagined you supposedly a model employee capable of such skulduggery in short either he gives you grounds for hope or he does not let us suppose he does not you now have several options for instance you could allow yourself to be seduced by pastures new and apply for a job with a rival firm but don’t forget that with eighteen months to go before retirement you won’t get many stellar offers alternatively you could go in for kidnapping blackmail or falsifying accounts but don’t forget that these three avocations apart from requiring considerable skill are severely punished by local courts you could also sell the closely guarded manufacturing secrets that your firm keeps in a safe under lock and key to the highest bidder but to do that you would have to know what they are you could also bet on the horses but you already do bet on horses in short the best thing in my view is still to let it ride for another six months then go back to see your line manager we shall suppose to keep things simple — for we must do our best to keep things simple even at this stage of the game — that this fresh approach will not take any more time than any of your previous approaches it could perhaps take even take less time if with all the wisdom you have gleaned from experience you learn to stack all the odds in your favour you must not be an out-and-out pessimist you mustn’t always look only on the dark side mr is x is not a bad sort the powerful firm you work for is not intent on giving you only grief your engineer has no reason not to get on with you bone-free fish also exist eggs are not always off if it is caught in time measles is not a serious illness and nothing prompts us to believe that the next time you are seated face to face with mr x and telling him all the ins and outs in a now slightly quavery from advancing years voice of your difficult existence and existential difficulties he will not listen with attentiveness sympathy nay real emotion and not allow you to glimpse the possibility of a not too distant raise you really shouldn’t hold it against him if the raise doesn’t arrive in the days immediately following we explained at some length that it was a complicated issue wait for six months then when six months later your hopes have been fully dashed go back to see mr x if he is there if he raises his eyes when you knock if he asks you in straight off if he asks you to be seated and agrees to hear you out try to persuade him just one more time.