‘I always call it fair and square,’ he says. ‘Dusen’s a conceited glory-hog who’s got his spot all picked out in Cooperstown, he’ll do a hundred things wrong and never take the blame once, and he’s an argumentative sonofabitch who knows better than to start in with me, because I won’t stand for it. That said, I’ll call it straight up, just like I always do. I can’t believe you’d ask.’
And I can’t believe you’d sit there scratching your ass and calling our catcher next door to a congenital idiot, I thought, but you did.
I took my wife out to dinner that night, and we had a very nice time. Danced to Lester Lannon’s band, as I recall. Got a little romantic in the taxi afterward. Slept well. I didn’t sleep well for quite some time afterward; lots of bad dreams.
Danny Dusen took the ball in what was supposed to be the afternoon half of a twi-nighter, but the world as it applied to the Titans had already gone to hell; we just didn’t know it. No one did except for Joe DiPunno. By the time night fell, we knew we were royally fucked for the season, because our first twenty-two games were almost surely going to be erased from the record books, along with any official acknowledgment of Blockade Billy Blakely.
I got in late because of traffic, but figured it didn’t matter because the uniform snafu was sorted out. Most of the guys were already there, dressing or playing poker or just sitting around shooting the shit and smoking. Dusen and the kid were over in the corner by the cigarette machine, sitting in a couple of folding chairs, the kid with his uniform pants on, Dusen still wearing nothing but his jock – not a pretty sight. I went over to get a pack of Winstons and listened in. Danny was doing most of the talking.
‘That fucking Wenders hates my ass,’ he says.
‘He hates your ass,’ the kid says, then adds: ‘That fucker.’
‘You bet he is. You think he wants to be the one behind the plate when I get my two hundredth?’
‘No?’ the kid says.
‘You bet he don’t! But I’m going to win today just to spite him. And you’re gonna help me, Bill. Right?’
‘Right. Sure. Bill’s gonna help.’
‘He’ll squeeze the plate like a motherfucker.’
‘Will he? Will he squeeze it like a mother—’
‘I just said he will. So you pull everything back real fast.’
‘Fast as Jack Lightning.’
‘You’re my good luck charm, Billy-boy.’
And the kid, serious as the preacher at a bigshot funeraclass="underline" ‘I’m your good luck charm.’
‘Yeah. Now listen …’
It was funny and creepy at the same time. The Doo was intense – leaning forward, eyes flashing while he talked. The Doo was a competitor, see? He wanted to win the way Bob Gibson did. Like Gibby, he’d do anything he could get away with to make that happen. And the kid was eating it up with a spoon.
I almost said something, because I wanted to break up that connection. Talking about it to you, I think maybe my subconscious mind had already put a lot of it together. Maybe that’s bullshit, but I don’t think so.
But I left them alone, just got my ciggies and walked away. Hell, if I’d opened my bazoo, Dusen would have told me to put a sock in it, anyway. He didn’t like to be interrupted when he was holding court, and while I might not have given much of a shit about that on any other day, you tend to leave a guy alone when it’s his turn to toe the rubber in front of the forty thousand people who are paying his salary.
I went over to Joe’s office to get the lineup card, but the office door was shut and the blinds were down, an almost unheard-of thing on a game day. The slats weren’t closed, though, so I peeked in. Joe had the phone to his ear and one hand over his eyes. I knocked on the glass. He started so hard he almost fell out of his chair, and looked around. They say there’s no crying in baseball, but he was crying, all right. First and only time I ever saw it. His face was pale and his hair was wild – what little hair he had.
He waved me away, then went back to talking on the phone. I started across the locker room to the coaches’ office, which was really the equipment room. Halfway there I stopped. The big pitcher– catcher conference had broken up, and the kid was pulling on his uniform shirt, the one with the big blue 19. And I saw the Band-Aid was back on the second finger of his right hand.
I walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. He smiled at me. The kid had a real sweet smile when he used it. ‘Hi, Granny,’ he says. But his smile began to fade when he saw I wasn’t smiling back.
‘You all ready to play?’ I asked.
‘Sure.’
‘Good. But I want to tell you something before you hit the dirt. The Doo’s a hell of a pitcher, but as a human being he ain’t ever going to get past Double A. He’d walk on his grandmother’s broken back to get a win, and you matter a hell of a lot less to him than his grandmother.’
‘I’m his good luck charm!’ he says indignantly.
‘Maybe so,’ I say back, ‘but that’s not what I’m talking about. There’s such a thing as getting too pumped up for a game. A little is good, but too much and a fellow’s apt to bust wide open.’
‘I don’t get you.’
‘If you popped and went flat like a bad tire, The Doo would just find himself a brand-new lucky charm.’
‘You shouldn’t talk like that! Him and me’s friends!’
‘I’m your friend, too. More important, I’m one of the coaches on this team. I’m responsible for your welfare, and I’ll talk any goddam way I want, especially to a rook. And you’ll listen. Are you listening?’
‘I’m listening.’
I’m sure he was, but he wasn’t looking; he’d cast his eyes down and sullen red roses were blooming on those smooth boy-cheeks of his.
‘I don’t know what kind of a rig you’ve got under that Band-Aid, and I don’t want to know. All I know is I saw it in the first game you played for us, and somebody got hurt. I haven’t seen it since, and I don’t want to see it today. Because if you got caught, it’d be you caught, even if The Doo put you up to it.’
‘I just cut myself,’ he says, all sullen.
‘Right. Cut yourself shaving your knuckles. But I don’t want to see that Band-Aid on your finger when you go out there. I’m looking after your own best interests.’
Would I have said that if I hadn’t seen Joe so upset he was crying? I like to think so. I like to think I was also looking after the best interests of the game, which I loved then and now. Virtual Bowling can’t hold a candle, believe me.
I walked away before he could say anything else. And I didn’t look back. Partly because I didn’t want to see what was under the Band-Aid, mostly because Joe was standing in his office door, beckoning to me. I won’t swear there was more gray in his hair, but I won’t swear there wasn’t.
I came into the office and closed the door. An awful idea occurred to me. It made a kind of sense, given the look on his face. ‘Jesus, Joe, is it your wife? Or the kids? Did something happen to one of the kids?’
He started and blinked, like I’d popped a paper bag beside his ear. ‘Jessie and the kids are fine. But George … oh God. I can’t believe it. This is such a mess.’ And he put the heels of his palms against his eyes. A sound came out of him, but it wasn’t a sob. It was a laugh. The most terrible fucking laugh I ever heard.
‘What is it? Who called you?’
‘I have to think,’ he says – but not to me. It was himself he was talking to. ‘I have to decide how I’m going to …’ He took his hands off his eyes, and he seemed a little more like himself. ‘You’re managing today, Granny.’
‘Me? I can’t manage! The Doo’d blow his stack! He’s going for his two hundredth again, and—’