"Beefy you mustn't get so upset."
"I know. But the deep dreadful fear of earning one's daily bread assailed me this afternoon. Could throw myself at the mercy of the theatrical world. Think of that. I can't act a damn. But it would be an excuse to go on living. While suffering my piles. I suppose the audience would notice wouldn't they, my hand held constantly to my arse. O dear, that won't do either. Had I taken holy orders dear boy, I was to have shooting rights on forty thousand acres. Two disused lead mines. A shipyard, two mills and three distilleries. The loss of the latter has hurt me most. But it's unforgivable of me to tumble these complaints upon your good natured head, Bal-thazar. And I owe you the very deepest apologies. Having got you sent down with me."
"You mustn't mind. But can't you appeal to your grandmother to reconsider."
"Alas my God Balthazar, what I did was. To threaten to sue my granny. I thought it would put wind up her enough to gently expire her last spark. It was heinous and ill advised. I mean one can shove a legal point up some cad's arse upon which he will chew for the rest of his life. However to threaten writs upon one's old granny I suppose is unforgivable. But she could simply leave the bullion to a cats' home. For unpleasant cats. In any case she just laughed and slammed down the phone. I'd been begging Smithers to put her on for half an hour. There used to be the day when light fingered hair surgeons danced about me in a fevered lather of attendance. To keep me beautiful for tea time. I was such a nice little boy of big cheeked arse and face. Had enormous curls in childhood. I did. Now all and everybody is going to go piggish."
"I won't Beefy."
"I know you won't Balthazar. And I won't go piggish just to suit other swine. Justice is decaying about me. I think my heart is liable to failure in pulsation. I rogered Rebecca last night glissando and then grosso molto. Poor girl couldn't really care. Said Breda just upped and disappeared I hear. And I go with vowels to cut a swath through London. Take the first hedge in the steeple chase. And be damned the mumpish miseries.' Another bottle of champagne. Comes through the door. With smiles and the hospitable genuflections. And the empty taken away. To see this man here before one. So sad. In need of solace. Of rich round friendly cheeks. When I was a small thin white complexioned boy. Frightened and feared of a new world. And first saw his small carefully sewing hands beneath his sunny face. On the blackest horizon of my life. "Balthazar it's been heartening to spend this moment with you here. In the peace of these surrounds. But I must take my leave and go. Rebecca waits for me on Butt Bridge. Dear girl. I sneak her as my mother into my hotel. She is full of fight you know. Wants to come with me to London. When I take out my instrument she seizes it with a wild peal of laughter. Very unirish of her. But marvellously charming. Granny taught me at table not to ask for a second service of soup. She was always fond of saying haste was vulgar. Don't leave a door open you find closed or close a door you find open. And above all she said don't trouble people with your mishaps. As I've ignobly done tonight. Wish me well. I now go forth in search of a young lady whose endless pence can slide me over these bumpy times. Shall we meet in London. Seven weeks exactly from today. Waiting hall of Harrods. Are you on. Three o'clock. The course should be clear then, free of unpleasantries. Must go. Drain this last of wine. Blessed are the randy makers for they shall themselves be even more so. My hotel serves only tomato and oxtail soup. For breakfast lunch and dinner. Each time I ask for soap they say the girls will see to the soap. And my God I'm exhausted seeing to the girls. I must go."
"You'll overcome Beefy."
"I guiltily hope so."
Balthazar B watching as the lift cage descended with Beefy.
To make sport with Rebecca. Uncle Edouard said you must take women as they are with perhaps a little Chablis and snail. I took Fitzdare bare arsed out of a hole in the wall and am still trembling with the memory. I'll go stand at the window. Look down. All just as it was when I first came to Dublin. And heard on an early morn. A voice. Singing down below. To hear it now again. And look. There on the pavement, hands resting on a pillar before him. He stands. Looking up here at my window. I wave. And the strains of O For The Wings Of A Dove. Go in my ears. That sunlit hearth of Mrs. Twinkle's cottage so many years ago. And as I will wake to look out on Dublin. I give a wish. For you Beefy. That a time will come. If just you wait. For one of those pure days of accident when everything turns to bliss.
Then
Pack away
Pleasures
All you can.
22
Balthazar B sailed from Dun Laoghaire back across the Irish Sea. Arriving near midnight in the deserted town of Holy-head. High up in a hotel attic overlooking the harbour he woke in a room with three beds and two other men. At breakfast he sent a seaside postcard to County Fermanagh and Fitzdare.
Dear Lizzy,
Arrived now in England. Had, it would seem, to share a room with two gentlemen who arrived later in the night. There must be crowds here but they can't be seen. Upon finishing this kipper I now dine upon I am proceeding to London via various circuitous routes which may take my fancy. First stop Chester. I miss you and think of you much.
Balthazar
By taxi and hired car Balthazar went from town to town. Signing strange names in guest books taken from a volume on the lives of the saints. Chester to Shrewsbury and heading around the great white haze over Birmingham. Kidderminster to Stratford. And by whim to Eatington, a place unfamed. Until a final day at Oxford and a morning walk by the meadows and along the towpath of the Thames to go south east to the big smoke of London on the train. A photographic portrait awaited, taken of Fitzdare. The days were all soft and warm and sunny. Matters were proceeding rapidly between the principals. And a marriage settlement was nearly reached with Raphael Uryan Trusscutt Fitzdare.
Two chars came to clean and scour out the little house in Brompton. It was painted and put up for sale. The convened principals said it would not do for size nor dignity. And Lizzy pleaded too late to keep the little place she said she wanted to see. Bother, Writson, Horn, Pleader and Hoot had found a proper residence facing slightly north east near gardens, containing the usual and suitable appointments in this most favoured area deep in the heart of Knightsbridge. And one moved into the family elegance of the Hyde Park Hotel to wait. With no news of Beefy all these days.
Each morning to look for mail and await anew a letter from Fitzdare. But none did come. To stand there looking at the little cubby hole and hope for some sign of her pink stationery. Then go out and wander walking in Hyde Park along the Serpentine. And in the evening on the pebbly path feeding the black and white ducks on the still water. The faint glowing gas flame inside the big glass lamp globes. The great grey stretch of sky. Squawk of ducks, geese and swans as they made their way to nest for the night. In the darkness to sit on a bench in Rotten Row. Just to wait. Until a letter did arrive.
The Temple
London E.C.4
The Temple London E.C.4 Dear Mr. B, We are pleased to inform you that contracts have now been exchanged with the vendors for the purchase of 78 Crescent Curve, Knightsbridge. Steps are in hand to put the property in order and we would be pleased to hear from you concerning any particular wishes you may have in the matter.
Regarding the marriage settlement the principals of the other side have not yet returned to us papers and we are told that there has been some unforseen delay. Although there is no particular hurry in the matter we have advised them none the less that signatures would be appreciated within fourteen days. A country property meeting with your requirements has now come to hand, a survey is being presently conducted, and we will be counselling you of further particulars in due course.