Riaz It is never too late for higher wisdom.
Brownlow (apologetic) Read Bertrand Russell at fourteen. Expect you know him, don’t you, T-T-Tariq?
Shahid My name is Shahid.
Brownlow Of course. Does Deedee only make you watch Prince videos?
Shahid She’s a good teacher.
Brownlow Not a patch on Russell, I bet. Put the deity in his place, Russell. Said that if He existed He would be a fool. God is man’s greatest creation. (To Riaz.) Surely the act of believing is — of no practical use on these estates, to this class. It — it is — dishonest! Yes, d-d-dishonest! Even the lowest class must decide good and evil for themselves.
Riaz Please excuse me, but you are a little arrogant. First you ask these poor people to believe in the brotherhood of classes. Now, when your Communist dream has been shown to be just that, you set them adrift to think for themselves. You see now how Western civilisation is proving to be a hoax?
Brownlow But this civilisation has also brought us –
Strapper Drugs, mate — and the police.
Brownlow (ignoring the interruption) — science, psychoanalysis, a stable political culture, organised sport — at a pretty high level, mind you, e-e-except for England. And all this hand in hand with critical enquiry. Which means steely questions. And ideas. Ideas being the e-e-enemy of religion.
Riaz Why must they be? My dear Dr Brownlow, revolution everywhere has been an act of faith.
Brownlow No — that is how the working classes have been exploited. More than any other class they must be f-f-free to think for themselves.
Riaz And what did free thinking bring them with your Communism? The great gift we offer our poor uneducated — (indicating Strapper) yes, even this uneducated poor boy — is the example of our Prophet — peace be upon him! — who brought about a revolution of equality in Arabia by the simple act of belief.
Brownlow I must admit not having associated revolution with I–I-Islam. I suspect that is what F-F-Foucault discovered in the Iranian revolution in ’79.
Riaz I do not know the man personally, my friend, but he sounds like a good man whose heart has been changed by simple belief. And don’t we all strive to be good?
Brownlow Foucault saw in the revolution a clear triumph of the Iranian working class.
Riaz Precisely what we can achieve here. Come now, it is time to pray. I will be your guide.
Strapper leaves. Riaz unfurls his prayer mat and kneels on it. The others clear space and follow his example. Shahid stands awkwardly by, before Hat guides him. The ‘azaan’ is heard. When they finish, Riaz sits, with the others fanned around him.
Now I am calm. So, my subject today. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
Laughter.
Allah in his mercy has given us another sign of his continuing magnificence, through the disease that has now taken over the West — Aids. A name through which Allah reveals his warning — Adam is definitely Satan! For it is when Adam and Steve come together that the West is shown by Allah to have cancer in its feet — those very feet that help it to stand on the necks of the poor the world over. So what should we do with Adam and Steve? When you go to hospital to meet a cancer patient, do you argue, do you shout? No, you take the person sweet grapes and bright flowers. Gentle persuasion, reciting the words of Allah as revealed in the Koran, will help Adam turn away from Steve and start looking at Eve.
Riaz’s sermon above is interrupted by a brick crashing through the window and grazing Tahira’s forehead. Hat instinctively guards and comforts Tahira. Riaz is shocked. A stream of rubbish bags and bottles, accompanied by chants of ‘Paki go home’, follows. Chad rushes out, brandishing a cleaver, followed by Shahid. A Young Man with two others can be seen with bricks in their hands. The two racists scarper at the sight of Chad, while the Young Man is momentarily too stunned to move. Chad floors him and is about to hack at him with the cleaver when he is stopped by Shahid.
Shahid (to Chad) No, Chad! No!
Young Man (spits at them) Paki! Paki! Paki!
Shahid (to the Young Man) What the fuck has this family ever done to you? Have they come to your house? Abused you? Thrown stones? Did they make you live in these stinking flats?
Young Man (grows more venomous) Paki! Paki! Paki! You stolen our jobs! Taken our housing! Paki got everything! Give it back and go back home!
Chad Come here again and I’ll hack your head off in the halal way!
He swings his cleaver down powerfully and the Young Man scarpers.
(To Shahid.) Thanks, brother. If you hadn’t held me back, I might have done something powerful, you know.
Riaz comes up behind the boys, with Tahira, Hat, Brownlow in tow.
Riaz It takes courage to hold back. In the fierce heat of battle, you kept your head, Shahid. The true mark of a leader.
Chad He a lion — my lion!
Riaz (complimenting Shahid) Sher-e-Khan! Come, come, we must eat to mark the occasion!
Chad (to Riaz) Shahid’s ammi sent some pakoras, brother.
Riaz What better at this moment of triumph!
Chad (offering Shahid’s pakoras) Right tasty, these aubergine pakoras.
Riaz (taking a pakora) Nothing ever compares with mother’s cooking, eh, Shahid?
Shahid She used to make them for Papa.
Chad (handing Shahid a plastic bag) For you.
Shahid What is it?
Chad Look.
Shahid (extracting a white cotton salwar kameez) It’s beautiful.
Chad Yeah!
Shahid For me?
Chad Course. Put it on.
Shahid Now?
Riaz Yes, yes, come, Shahid — Tahira will turn her back while we help you change.
Shahid changes, helped by the others. Chad fits a white kufie (Muslim prayer cap) on him as the final act.
Hat Brother, you look magnificent!
Shahid Thanks, Hat.
Chad How d’you feel?
Shahid A little strange.
Chad Strange?
Shahid But good, good.
Chad What do you think, brother Riaz?
Riaz (complimenting) Now our Shahid Hasan looks a proper Muslim saint! Do you see, Tahira?
Tahira demurely offers Shahid the pakoras.
Tahira May our very own Sher-e-Khan continue to show wisdom and strength!
Riaz Have some, to mark the occasion, from the hands of your own sister.
Shahid After you.
Hat takes a pakora from Tahira, followed by Riaz.
Hat These pakoras are better than my dad’s! (To Tahira.) Hey, you think they like spinach for Popeye?