Chad You a fool, yaar, if you think saag will give you strength like Shahid’s!
Tahira That inborn, cos he is a Hasan, like the Blessed Martyr’s son!
Riaz looks at Tahira, then at the pakora.
Riaz (to Shahid) Your ammi made these?
Shahid Yes.
Riaz Are you sure?
Shahid The only thing Zulma ever cooked was Chili’s … you know what.
Riaz (expansive) Mash-a-Allah! This is a miracle. The mother of Shahid Hasan is blessed! Chad, look, look at this.
He holds out the pakora on his palm for Chad and the others to consider.
Chad What am I looking at, brother? I mean — it’s a very well-made pakora.
Riaz Can’t you see — there, running along the length of the pakora — from right to left. Tahira — can you see it?
Tahira Yes! I can make something out — dark — coming through the batter.
Riaz It is aliph — the first letter of the holy language in which our blessed Koran is written. We have been granted a sign! Through Shahid here.
Shahid What sign, Riaz?
Riaz (urgent) Dr Brownlow — we have a miracle in our hands! Allah has sent a message.
Shahid Is the message to carry on the vigil?
Riaz The racists all know now what to expect if they continue to abuse our friend.
Shahid They might return with greater force.
Riaz Then we shall be ready for them, insha’Allah. But news of this miracle will bring many more people to our side for the great work yet to come. The Iranians will hear of this. And then all will see how we stand strong when the wrathful sword of Allah slices through the air of injustice Mussulmans breathe everyday in this country.
Shahid I have to go — family business …
Riaz (expansive) Of course, of course. Take Tahira with you. We will make all preparations to unveil this miracle before the unbelieving world. Chad, inform Moulana Darapuria we must meet urgently.
Shahid puts his jacket on and rushes out. Tahira follows him out. Strapper is lounging by the door.
Tahira Where are we going?
Shahid Personal business — family, you know. I’ll be back soon.
Tahira But you mustn’t be alone at this time.
Shahid I will be all right.
Tahira I’m really not afraid.
Shahid But I’d be afraid for you.
Tahira (simpering) You are a true Hasan!
Shahid ushers her back in and walks off, followed by Strapper.
Strapper I could fix you up, you know.
Shahid I’m not buying anything from you.
Strapper Why not? I fixed you up at the rave, didn’t I? Weren’t my shit the best you had? Straight up, we got suppliers that don’t do dirty.
Shahid Listen, I got no charity, okay?
Strapper Zakat.
Shahid What?
Strapper That’s what them Muslim brothers call it, giving charity to the needy.
Shahid You don’t look needy to me and I’m not in the giving mood.
Strapper Stop running from your own — they’s the only ones to depend on, when the shit hits the fan.
Shahid I’m not running from anyone. Except you.
Strapper No need to insult, Paki.
Shahid I’m not a Paki!
Strapper Course you are. We all are, those who’ve been left behind.
Strapper runs off, as Shahid heads to Deedee’s. Music, as he rushes through a wintry London night.
SCENE NINE
Deedee’s house. Deedee has prepared a candlelit dinner. Shahid rushes in.
Shahid Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Beat, as Deedee looks at how Shahid is dressed.
Deedee In your pyjamas already?
Shahid You don’t know what’s happening out there — urgent brother business! Chad was this close to carving some serious meat.
Deedee No surprise there — he wanted to chuck a bomb on his parents. That’s after he met Riaz, of course. Changed his name from Trevor Buss to Muhammad Shahabuddin Ali-Shah.
Shahid What? Chad?
Deedee He was brought up by white foster-parents. Foul-mouthed and racist to everyone but their son. No wonder he became a shooter. Riaz took him under his wing. Insisted everyone call him by his whole new name, even when playing football. His mates got fed up shouting, ‘Pass the ball, Muhammad Shahabuddin Ali-Shah — on my head, Muhammad Shahabuddin Ali-Shah.’ So he became Chad.
She offers some wine. Shahid makes a face.
Are there any pleasures you don’t eschew? Or is it only salted lassi you drink?
Shahid What about fighting racism?
Deedee Is that what you think Riaz does?
Shahid He is pure of purpose and risking his life guarding the flat of a persecuted couple right now.
Deedee Riaz denounced his own father for drinking alcohol and praying in his armchair and not on his knees. He made you wear that, didn’t he?
Shahid What’s wrong with them?
Deedee Didn’t take you for a disciple.
Shahid Can’t I admire him for his courage?
The doorbell rings. Deedee opens the door to Chili.
Chili What are you called when someone’s asking?
Deedee Deedee. Deedee Osgood.
Chili (kissing her hands) Tell me, Deedee Osgood, is my baby bro safe in your hands?
Deedee (appraising him) You must be Chili.
Chili At your service.
Deedee One Hasan at a time is more than enough.
Chili Are you sure?
Deedee laughs
A woman’s laugh — better than any rush known to man.
Deedee Quite the priest. I can’t imagine you giving a sermon.
Chili I could be a very Jesus in bed.
Shahid What you doing here, Chili?
Chili I was concerned, bro. Thought that bad posse might have messed with you.
Deedee They have.
Chili (to Shahid) Just say the word, and Chili will have a friendly chat.
Shahid I’ll take care of myself.
Chili Just take her in your arms. Want me to demonstrate?
Deedee I’m not clean enough for him. I’ve become a sort of pork chop.
Chili But his knees used to go weak at the sight of a bacon sarni. (To Shahid.) If Papa were alive, he’d have a fucking heart attack seeing you dressed like Ali Baba.