Shahid What the fuck for?
Brownlow Don’t be naive, there’s a lot of Asian votes to be had round there. (Ironic.) Up the revolution! Did I tell you, Riaz has been invited on Newsnight to give his opinion on the fatwa?
Shahid Stop pissing me about!
Brownlow Don’t know who’s pissing whom.
Chili Any booze in the house?
Brownlow (to Shahid, referring to Chili) I see you’re enjoying a different class of friend, Tariq.
Chili Tosser.
Brownlow (to Shahid) Riaz’s eyes went all bright when he heard. He’ll make a fascinating freak on TV. For a week or month. Just when you thought God was dead and buried, you realise he was merely awaiting resurrection! Every fucker’s discovering some god inside them now. Who am I to challenge this?
Shahid Help us find Deedee!
Brownlow There we were, right up to the end of the seventies, arguing about society after the revolution, and all the while it was being taken from us. The British people don’t want education, arts, justice, equality … Everything I believed has turned into shit.
Shahid You’re a spineless bastard.
Brownlow I’ve been called worse, Tariq.
Shahid (pushing him) My name is Shahid!
Chili That’s — manly — bro.
Brownlow (leaving) Look — no stutter, see?
Brownlow exits.
Shahid (shouting) Deedee!
Chili Ahh, soft, bro — always call a woman softly …
Deedee enters from the kitchen.
Deedee What more do you want, Andrew …? (Sees Shahid and Chili.) What’re you doing here?
Shahid We’ve been looking everywhere for you.
Deedee Did Andrew let you in?
Shahid Forget it. Chad and the others know where you live.
Deedee What?
Shahid They’re out for revenge. They’re coming for you. Me too, now.
Deedee Will you talk sense!
Shahid You called in the police and I fucked around with their master’s words.
Deedee looks at him quizzically.
I rewrote some of Riaz’s poetry. Didn’t mean to. I was just playing as I was thinking of you — to see where it would take me. I was going to change it back. Riaz and the gang think it’s blasphemy.
Deedee They’re coming here?
Chili Any booze in the house? I need a pick-me-up. Booze and a little nap, yeah, just a little sleep.
Deedee (to Shahid) And you’ve brought him — (indicating Chili) — to help?
Chili puts his arms around Deedee and whispers. Deedee laughs.
Shahid (tetchy) Chili.
Deedee (to Shahid) Your big brother wants to put my tits in his mouth.
Chili It’s worth trying.
Shahid Chili!
Chili I’m lonely, all right? Tonight I want a human touch. To feel warm skin. Is that too much to ask? (To Shahid.) All right, all right. (To Deedee.) Any drink in the house, Deedee Osgood? Then I’m ready to take on any fucker who comes to annoy you. Me and my bottle will stand guard on the stairs. That’s where the enemy will come in, through the upstairs windows!
Shahid Make sure you lock it — and the back door.
Chili Toot sweet, bro, toot sweet. — Where’s your back door, Deedee?
Deedee Fuck it if they’re going to make me a prisoner in my own house. I’m going to cook. (Taking Chili.) Come on, let’s find a bottle for you.
Deedee takes Chili off. The door rattles.
Strapper (off) It’s only me, Strapper, the Strap. Official visit, man.
Shahid opens the front door. Strapper strolls in.
Shahid I thought you were with your old pal Trevor.
Strapper Chad’s a religious type, he see everything from underneath. You just wanna be white and forget your own. (He shouts.) You and your bro just wanna shag the white bitches! That why he don’t go for you no more.
Shahid I wish I hadn’t let you in.
Strapper How were you gonna keep me out, cunt? Hey, don’t touch me, man.
Shahid Get out of here.
Strapper The brothers burned the book, right? Funny how you people get into more of a state about a book than about the suffering people.
Shahid (pushing him towards the door) You’re making me suffer now, Strapper.
Strapper I wouldn’t get heavy. Thing is, brown boy, your Chili owes me money. Where’s he hiding round here?
He suddenly jumps and holds the front door wide open.
(Shouts in a military voice.) All clear!
Chad, Tahira and Hat enter.
Shahid You bastard!
Chad grabs Shahid in an armhold and offers him to Hat, while Strapper looks on.
Chad Here’s the scum, as expected — holed up with his bitch. So obvious. Now, brothers, get to work on the spy, the infidel, the traitor! Go on. Go on.
Hat But me papa will be looking for me!
Chad Your father? What’s he got to do with this?
Hat I can’t stay.
Chad Beat him! This idiot hates us and he hates God! Give Satan one!
Tahira Satan! Satan!
Tahira knees Shahid in the crotch and repeatedly boots him.
Chad The evil spirit has gone down!
Shahid staggers up. Tahira kicks him again. Deedee runs in.
Deedee Leave him!
Chad (bars her way) He belong to us now. Let us take him, bitch, and there’ll be no trouble for you! We’re going to deal with the spy.
Tahira He deceived and spat on his own, wallowing in filth.
Deedee Let go of him!
Chad Eye for an eye — that so hard to understand, Miss Post-Colonial Studies?
Deedee Very cute, Mr Trevor.
Chad (raises his hand to strike her) Don’t use that name on me!
Deedee (jibing) What’s wrong, Mohammad Shahabuddin Ali-Shah?
Riaz enters.
Chad Here he is. Sick, sick, sick as you prophesied.
Tahira More sick now.
Chad We’ve captured both of them! What now, brother? What action to take immediately? Which step do you want? Shall we take him away? Or finish him here?