"Excuse me," I said at the small office door, and I did not know that a fisherman was with the woman because I had not been able to see him.
He had raw red hands and was sitting in a plastic chair, smoking.
"Honey, you're drenched. Come in and get warm." The lady, who was overweight and worked too hard, smiled again.
"You want to buy some lobsters?" She started to get up.
"No," I quickly said.
"I've lost my niece. She wandered off or we got our directions mixed up or something. I was supposed to meet her. Well, I just wonder if you might have seen her. "
"What does she look like?" asked the fisherman.
I described her.
"Now, where was it you saw her last?" The woman looked confused.
I took a deep breath, and the man had me figured out. He read every word of me. I could see it in his eyes.
"She ran off. They do it sometimes, kids do," he said, taking a drag on a Marlboro.
"Question is, where'd she run off from? You tell me that, and maybe I'll have a better idea about where she might be."
"She was at Edgehill," I said.
"She just got out?" The fisherman was from Rhode Island, his last syllables flattened as if he were stepping on the end of his words.
"She walked out."
"So she didn't do the program or her insurance quit. Happens a lot around here. I got buddies been in that joint and have to leave after four or five days because insurance won't pay. A lot of good it does."
"She didn't do the program," I said. He lifted his soiled cap and smoothed back wild black hair.
"I know you must be worried sick," said the woman.
"I can make you some instant coffee."
"You are very kind, but no, thank you."
"When they get out early like that, they usually start drinking and drugging again," the man went on.
"I hate to tell you, but it's the way it goes. She's probably working as a waitress or bartender so she can be near what she wants. The restaurants around here pay pretty good. I'd try Christie's, the Black Pearl over there on Bannister's Wharf, Anthony's on Waites Wharf."
"I've tried all those."
"How about the White Horse? She could make good money there."
"Where's that?"
"Over there." He pointed away from the bay.
"Off Marlborough Street, near the Best Western."
"Where would someone stay?" I asked.
"She's not likely to want to spend a lot of money."
"Honey," said the woman, "I'll tell you what I'd try. I'd try the Seaman's Institute. It's just right over there. You had to walk right past it to get here." The fisherman nodded as he lit another cigarette.
"There you go.
That'd be a good place to start. And they got waitresses, too, and girls working in the kitchen. "
"What is it?" I asked.
"A place where fishermen down on their luck can stay. Sort of like a small YMCA, with rooms upstairs and a dining hall and snack bar."
"The Catholic church runs it. You might talk to Father Ogren. He's the priest there."
"Why would a twenty-one-year-old girl go there versus some of these other places you've mentioned?" I asked.
"She wouldn't," the fisherman said, "unless she don't want to drink. No drinking in that place. " He shook his head. "That's exactly where you go if you leave a program early but don't want to be drinking and drugging anymore. I've known a bunch of guys to go there. I even stayed there once."
It was raining so hard when I left that water coming down bounced off pavement back up toward the loud, liquid sky. I was soaked to my knees, hungry, cold, and with no place left to go, as was true of many people who came to the Seaman's Institute.
It looked like a small brick church with a menu out front written with chalk on a chalkboard and a banner that said everyone is welcome. I stepped inside and saw men sitting at a counter drinking coffee while others were at tables in a plain dining room across from the front door. Eyes turned to me with mild curiosity, and the faces reflected years of cruel weather and drink. A waitress who looked no older than Lucy asked if I would like a meal.
"I'm looking for Father Ogren," I said.
"I've not seen him lately, but you can check the library or the chapel."
I climbed stairs and entered a small chapel that was empty save for saints painted in frescoes on plaster walls. It was a lovely chapel with needlepoint cushions in nautical designs and a floor of varying colors of marble inlaid with shapes of shells. I stood very still looking around at Saint Mark holding a mast while Saint Anthony of Padua blessed the creatures of the sea. Saint Andrew carried nets, and words from the Bible were painted along the top of the wall. For he make the storm to cease so that the waves thereof are still. Then are they glad because they are at rest and so he bringeth them unto their desired haven.
I dipped my hand into a large shell filled with holy water and blessed myself. Praying a while before the altar, I placed a gift in a small straw basket. I left a bill for Lucy and me and a quarter for Emily. Beyond the door I heard cheery voices and whistling of residents on the stairs. Rain on the roof sounded like drum rolls on a mattress and beyond opaque windows gulls cried.
"Good afternoon," a quiet voice behind me said.
I turned around to find Father Ogren, dressed in black.
"Good afternoon. Father," I said.
"You must have had a long walk in the rain." His eyes were kind, his face very gentle.
"I am looking for my niece. Father, and am in despair."
I did not have to talk about Lucy long. In fact, I'd scarcely described her before I could tell the priest knew who she was, and my heart seemed to open like a rose.
"God is merciful and good," he said with a smile.
"He led you here as he leads others here who have been lost at sea. He led your niece here days ago. I believe she's in the library. I put her to work there cataloging books and doing other odds and ends. She's very smart and has a marvelous idea about our computerizing everything."
I found her at a refectory table in a dim room of dark paneling and shopworn books. Her back was to me as she worked out a program on paper without benefit of a computer, the way fine musicians compose their symphonies in silence. I thought she looked thinner. Father Ogren patted my arm as he left, and he quietly shut the door.
"Lucy," I said. She turned and looked at me in astonishment.
"Aunt Kay? My God," she said in the hushed tone of libraries.
"What are you doing here? How did you know?" Her cheeks were flushed, a scar on her forehead bright red.
I pulled up a chair and took one of her hands in both of mine.
"Please come home with me." Lucy continued to stare at me as if I had been dead.
"Your name has been cleared."
"Completely?"
"Completely."
"You got me my big gun."
"I said I would."
"You're the big gun, aren't you. Aunt Kay?" she whispered, looking away.
"The Bureau has accepted that it was Carrie who did this to you," I said. Her eyes filled with tears.
"What she did was horrible, Lucy. I know how hurt and angry you must be. But you are fine. The truth is known and ERF wants you back. We'll work on your DUI. The judge will have more sympathy since someone ran you off the road and the evidence proves that. But I still want you to get treatment."
"Can't I do it in Richmond? Can't I stay with you?"
"Of course you can." She looked down as tears spilled over. I did not want to hurt her further but I had to ask.
"It was Carrie you were with in the picnic area the night I saw you out there. She must smoke."
"Sometimes." She wiped her eyes.
"I'm so sorry."
"You wouldn't understand it."
"Of course I understand it. You loved her."
"I still do." She began to sob.
"That's what's so stupid. How could I? But I can't help it. And all along"