Andy bowed his head and said the appropriate prayers before removing his vestments, kissing some of the items before storing them in their proper place. When he was done, he wore the black shirt with the stiff white collar and the dark pants Cain remembered from her childhood.
“It must be nice to have such an orderly and predictable job.”
Andy laughed. “God manages to throw in a few wrenches for even us of the cloth to deal with, child, so don’t be thinking I have it too easy.” They headed to the rectory for the tea he’d offered. “Though I don’t have the luxury of sex to take the edge off when things get too out of control, like you do.”
Cain felt a weight lift from her shoulders. She was glad she’d accepted Andy’s invitation to visit, which he’d offered by phone late the night before. He might be a priest, but every so often he reminded you that under the collar still beat the heart of a man.
“True, Father Andy. Sometimes I like to compare people who don’t like women to vegetarians.”
“Interesting analogy, and I do like the way your mind works, so lay it on me.” He opened the door and waved her in.
“If God had meant for people to be vegetarians, a good steak wouldn’t taste so divine. Following that line of thinking, neither would a woman.”
“You owe me another set of prayers for that one.” He shook a finger at her before speaking into the intercom. “Megan, please bring in some tea for two when you have a chance.”
The leather chair next to Cain’s, set in the alcove of a large bay window, let out a woof of air as Andy fell into it. Outside, the gardens were being tilled for their spring plantings.
“You know, the day they made me bishop of this area, I sat in this room with your father and enjoyed quite a few drinks from a rather good bottle of whiskey he’d brought. In spite of all that pomp and circumstance, I remember our conversation more vividly than anything else.” He sighed as if lost in thought. “Strange where we both ended up—those skinny little boys who used to throw rocks at passing trains way back when.”
“Trying to corrupt you even back then, huh?”
“Heavens, no. More like reminding me about life and taking time to live it.”
“Why did you like my father so much, Father Andy? You had to know some of what he stood for, all of it going against the church’s teaching.”
Megan’s entrance with their tea gave Andrew time to think of an appropriate response. He knew how important Dalton had been in Cain’s life and how much she still missed the man who’d molded her. He looked Cain in the eye and waited to hear the click of the door before he answered.
“If you ever tell this to anyone, I’ll have to deny it,” he began. “The church sometimes misses the old proverbial boat on a lot of things. I loved your father, and he was one of my best friends until his death because he was an honorable man who loved his family and those loyal to him. How can that be wrong, no matter what he did for a living?”
“You won’t get me to disagree, and I’ve tried my best to follow in his path, but I don’t think I’m walking it as well as he did.”
Andrew realized that from Cain’s slumped shoulders that the admission had cost her dearly. Cain’s father had brought her up to ignore and defeat weakness, no matter what her action cost in terms of her soul.
“The wolves are baying at my door, and I don’t know how to keep them out.”
Andrew recalled Dalton’s final visit. He’d taken time to visit Andrew the day before Bracato’s henchmen had gunned him down. As if a premonition had sent him to seek out his old friend, he’d come to ask a favor.
*
Sixteen Years Earlier
“Andy, is it true that confession is good for the soul?”
“And for the spirit, but only if you mean it.” Andrew often had theological discussions with Dalton’s wife Therese, but seldom with Dalton. “What troubles you, my son?”
“Wiseass,” Dalton shot back. “I want you to hear my confession and say a prayer for my family.”
“Could you clear the rest of my afternoon?” Andrew asked the secretary on the other end of the intercom. “I’m not making fun of you, Dalton, but if you’re here asking me that, you must think it’s important.”
He had spent a couple of hours after that trying to keep a neutral expression on his face as Dalton spoke. Several times, Andrew longed for the barriers of the confessional so his look of surprise wouldn’t halt the words streaming from his friend’s mouth.
When Dalton finished, Andrew stood, placed his hand on his friend’s head, and prayed for his soul with all the fervor in his heart. “Now that we’re done with that, what’s the favor you need?”
“In case something happens to me, I want you to promise you’ll offer the same absolution to Derby Cain and Billy if they ever come to you. My life is so unpredictable at times, I’d feel comfortable moving on if I know they can rely on you. Your friendship has been a gift for me all these years, and I wanted to thank you.”
“It would be my honor, Dalton. You didn’t even have to ask.”
In a voice tainted with weariness, Dalton said, “I just feel better knowing for sure. If I leave Derby all alone, I want her to have somewhere to go.”
*
Dalton had died the next day, and if the church teachings were true, he’d gone with a clean slate. Therese and Billy had followed not long after, then Marie. Andrew pondered how much self-reliance Derby Cain must possess to bear that pain every day.
“If my life of watching other people live their lives and giving advice on how to do it better has taught me anything, it’s this,” Andy said, wanting more than anything not to let Dalton down. “Those who want to beat you down can’t succeed unless you give them a lot of help. God grants us free will to live life as we choose, Derby. You’ve taken a wife, you’re raising a fine son, and you’ve done everything possible to protect them both from harm.”
“But look at how I failed Marie and my mother.”
He took her hand. “No, you had nothing to do with that. What happened was God’s will, and nothing, no matter how hard you tried, could have prevented it from coming to pass.”
“God’s will? That’s the best you got?”
“Just like your father, I swear,” Andrew said, shaking his head. “You simply can’t control everything in your life. Things happen, and you have to accept them and try to find a way to keep going forward.” He held up his hand to keep her from interrupting. “I know it’s easy to say, but sometimes simple is exactly what’s needed. Would it be fair to Emma and Hayden if you just accepted defeat?”
“What kind of question is that?” A little of Cain’s fire seeped into her answer.
“One that begs an answer.”
“I’d never give up and abandon my family. You know that. If you don’t, you didn’t know my father and what he taught me at all.”
“I knew your father better than most, and how he raised you and all he taught you.” He squeezed her hand before letting it go and leaning back. “Why are you here, besides the fact that I asked you?”
“To be honest, I don’t really know. It’s a little about respect, a little about being summoned, and a little about finding answers to the million questions in my head. I certainly enjoy having someone safe to talk to and not have what I say come back to bite me on the witness stand.”
“Then you’ve found the one reason your father came often. The church is for everyone, Derby, even those not in the pews every Sunday. I can give you absolution for your sins.”
“Even if I have every intention of sinning again?”
Andrew laughed again, feeling like he was spending time with his childhood friend. “Even then. The other thing I can offer,” he continued on a more serious note, “is a little wisdom. No one can be strong all of the time, no matter how broad their shoulders. When your load gets too heavy, let the woman you’ve chosen help you.”