"As we all know. Did the deceased tourist have anyone with him?"
"I don't know. I don't care. I do think killing him was too drastic. But I'm a panty waist and always have been. In the past, when someone shoved ahead of me in a queue, I've always let it go with minor mayhem. But queue cheating should never be ignored; that just encourages the louts. Richard, I bought shoes for you because I knew that your new foot could not use the right shoe you were wearing when we arrived here."
"That's true." (My right shoe has always-since amputation-had to be a custom job for the prosthesis. A living foot could not fit it.)
"I didn't go to a shoe shop; I went to a fabricatory having a general pantograph and had them use your left shoe to synthesize a matching right shoe through a mirror-image space warp. It should be identical with your left shoe, but right-handed. Right-footed? Dexter."
"Thank you!" "I hope it fits. If that darned line jumper hadn't got himself killed practically in my lap, I would have been home on time." I blinked at her. "Uh, I find I'm astonished again. How is this place run? Is it an anarchy?"
Hazel shrugged. Justin Foote looked thoughtful. "No, I wouldn't say so. It is not that well organized."
We left right after dinner in that four-place spaceplane- Hazel and I, a small giant named Zeb, Hilda the tiny beauty, Lazarus, Dr. Jacob Burroughs, Dr. Jubal Harshaw, still another redhead-well, strawberry blonde-named Deety, and still another one who was not her twin but should have been, a sweet girl named Elizabeth and called Libby. I looked at these last two and whispered to Hazel, "More of Lazarus's descendants? Or more of yours?"
"No. I don't think so. About Lazarus, I mean. I know they aren't mine; I'm not quite that casual. One is from another universe and the other is more than a thousand years older than I am. Blame it on Gilgamesh. Uh... at dinner did you notice a little girl, another carrot top, paddling in the fountain?" '
"Yes. A cutie pie."
"She-" We started to load, all nine of us, into that four-place spaceplane. Hazel said, "Ask me later," and climbed in. I started to follow. That small giant took my arm firmly, which stopped me, as he outmassed me by about forty kilos. "We haven't met. I'm Zeb Carter."
"I'm Richard Ames Campbell, Zeb. Happy to meet you." "And this is my mom, Hilda Mae." He indicated the china doll.
I did not have time to consider the improbability of his assertion. Hilda answered, "I'm his stepmother-in-law, parttime wife, and sometime mistress, Richard; Zebbie is always not quite in focus. But he's sweet. And you belong to Hazel, so that gives you the keys to the city." She reached up, put her hands on my shoulders, stood on tiptoes, and kissed me. Her kiss was quick but warm and not quite dry; it left me most thoughtful. "If you want anything, just ask for it. Zebbie will fetch it."
It seemed that there were five in that family (or sub-family; they were all part of the Long household or family, but I did not have it figured out): Zeb and his wife Deety, she being that first strawberry blonde whom I had met briefly, and her father, Jake Burroughs, whose wife was Hilda, but who was not mother of Deety-and the fifth was Gay. Zeb had said, "And Gay, of course. You know who I mean."
I asked Zeb, "Who is Gay?"
"Not me. Or just as a hobby. Our car is Gay."
A sultry contralto said, "I'm Gay. Hi, Richard, you were in me once but I don't think you remember it."
I decided that the Lethe field had some really bad side effects. If I had at some time been in a woman (she expressed it that way, not I) with a voice of that utterly seductive quality but I could not remember it... well, it was time to throw myself on the mercy of the court; I was obsolete.
"Excuse me. I don't see her. The lady named Gay."
"She's no lady, she's a trollop."
"Zebbie, you'll regret that. He means I am not a woman, Richard; I'm this car you are about to climb into-and have been in before, but you were wounded and sick so I'm not hurt that you don't remember me-"
"Oh, but I do!"
"You do? That's nice. Anyhow I'm Gay Deceiver, and welcome aboard."
I climbed in and started to crawl through the cargo door back of the seats. Hilda snagged me. "Don't go back there. Your wife is back there with two men. Give the girl a chance."
"And with Lib," Deety added. "Don't tease him. Aunt Shar-pie. Sit down, Richard." I sat down between them-a privilege, except that I wanted to see that space-warped bathroom. If there was one. If it was not a Lethe dream.
Hilda settled against me like a cat and said, "You have received a bad first impression of Lazarus, Richard; I don't want it to stay that way."
I admitted that on a scale of ten he scored a minus three with me. -
"I hope it doesn't stay that way. Deety?" "Day in and day out Lazarus averages closer to a nine,
Richard. You'll see."
"Richard," Hilda went on, "despite what you heard me say,
I don't think badly of Lazarus. I have borne one child by him ... and I go that far only with men I respect. But Lazarus does have his little ways; it is necessary to spank him from time to time. Nevertheless I love him."
"Me, too," agreed Deety. "I have a little girl by Lazarus and that means I love and respect him or it would not have happened. Correct, Zebadiah?"
"How would I know? 'Love, oh careless love!' Boss Lady, are we going somewhere? Gay wants to know."
"Report readiness."
"Starboard door sealed, irrelevant gear ready." "Portside door sealed, seat belts fastened, all systems normal."
'Time Corps Headquarters via Alpha and Beta. At will, Chief Pilot."
"Aye aye. Captain. Gay Deceiver, Checkpoint Alpha. Execute."
"Yassuh, Massuh." The bright sunlight and green lawn beside the Long House bunked away to blackness and stars. We were weightless.
"Checkpoint Alpha, probably," Zeb said. "Gay, do you see THQ?"
"Checkpoint Alpha on the nose," the car answered. 'Time Corps HQ dead ahead. Zeb, you need glasses."
"Checkpoint Beta, execute." The sky blinked again. This time I could spot it. Not a planet but a habitat, perhaps ten klicks away, perhaps a thousand-in space, with a strange object, I had no way to guess.
Zeb said, 'Time Corps Headquarters, ex- Gay Scram!"
A nova bomb burst in front of us.
XXV
Schrodinger's Cat
"God's bones!" the car moaned. "That one burned my tail feathers! Hilda, let's go home. Please!" The nova bomb was now a long way off but it still burned with intense white light, looking like Sol from out around Pluto.
"Captain?" Zeb inquired.
"Affirmative," Hilda answered calmly. But she was clinging to me and trembling.
"GayMaureenExecute!" We were back on the grounds of the Romanesque mansion of Lazarus Long and his tribe.
"Chief Pilot, please beep Oz annex and tell them to disembark; we won't be going anywhere soon. Richard, if you will slide out to the right as soon as Jake is out of your way, that will let our passengers climb out."
I did so as quickly as Dr. Burroughs cleared the way. I heard Lazarus Long's voice rumbling behind me. "Hilda! Why have you ordered us out of the car? Why aren't we at Headquarters?''
His tone reminded me of a drill sergeant I had had as a boot, ten thousand years ago.
"Forgot my knitting, Woodie, had to go back for it."
"Knock it off. Why haven't we started? Why are we disembarking?"
"Watch your blood pressure, Lazarus. Gay just proved that she was not being a Nervous Nellie when she asked me to break our usual trip to THQ into three jumps. Had I used our old routine, we would all glow in the dark."
"My skin itches," Gay said fretfully. "I'll bet I would make a Geiger stick rattle like hail on a tin roof."