“Thanks again for the talk, Reggie.”
“Anytime, man. Well — not any time. You know what I mean.”
“I think I do.”
“Alright, now I release you. Go forth, middle-aged man, and get some pussy! That is, if Allison ain’t moved on to some other dude, which is highly likely, since you and I been out here jawing forever. If that’s the case, looks like you’ll be sleeping alone tonight.”
“You act like Allison’s the only one here I have a chance with.”
“Wellll — hey, you said it, not me!”
Chapter Thirteen
Thomas was outside Oxendine’s Grocery, pushing carts in from the lot. It was sunny and warm; he was glad to get outside for a few minutes. Maybe he’d take a beach walk after work…
But then a fire-spewing dragon appeared in the sky, trailing storm-clouds and lightning behind it. It bore down on the grocery store with great speed, and Thomas knew he and the store would be incinerated, and that there was no escape…
“Good morning, Tommy,” a voice said.
Thomas surfaced from the brightly-colored, emotionally-charged dream into the grayness of his bedroom. He looked over, and saw Allison smiling at him. She was sitting up in bed, the sheets wrapped around her naked body.
“It’s Thomas,” he said groggily.
“I’m sorry?”
“My name. I prefer Thomas.”
“Oh. But — Thomas is so, well, proper. Don’t you think Tommy or Tom is more casual?”
“No.”
“Oh. Well, it’s your name. You have a right to be called what you want.”
Thomas propped himself up on his elbow to look at her. The sun hadn’t yet risen, and the blinds were shut and the bedroom door was closed, but there was still enough artificial light seeping in from outside to make out some details of Allison’s face. She looked cherubic, and it was too early in the morning for anyone to look like that.
“What time is it?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I haven’t looked. I didn’t want to, you know, ruin the moment by worrying about time.”
Thomas reached across her body to the alarm clock sitting on his nightstand. It had large red digits which displayed the time with electronic certainty, which was why Thomas pointed it away from the bed when he clocked out for the day; he’d never fall asleep with that red glare boring into his face.
As he reached, however, Allison shifted uncomfortably. Thomas hesitated, then continued until he’d turned the alarm clock towards them. 5:15 AM. They’d only been asleep two hours. He sighed; he’d be dead on his feet at work today.
As he drew his hand back, Allison again fidgeted. She looked at him like a squirrel that was about to get run over by a car.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yeah. Nothing.”
“You’re acting like you’re afraid of me.”
She laughed, or more accurately neighed. Thomas suppressed a groan.
“Why would I be afraid of you?” Allison asked. “We’ve just, uh, churned the butter. A few times, even.”
Again, a groan suppression.
“But every time I move, you wrap yourself up tighter in the sheets,” Thomas said. “Look, you’ve got all of them over on your side.”
It was true. Thomas had just one sliver of a corner, and was lying there completely exposed, and a little chilly. The blanket had fallen to the floor; if it had been on the bed, Allison would surely have commandeered it too.
“Sorry,” she said feebly. “I just… I’m a little…”
“What?”
“OK, OK, I’ll tell you, but don’t get mad. When we came here, we were both a bit tipsy and it was dark, and then we, you know, made whoopee, and it was great, don’t get me wrong! But now we’ve — you’ve — sobered up, and if you see me, you know, in my birthday suit…”
“But I already saw you naked.”
“But that was different!”
“How?”
“Because we — you — were a bit tipsy, like I said, and it was dark, like I said…”
“Are you trying to say you’re self-conscious about your body?”
“Well, erm… not exactly. I just don’t want you to be disappointed when you, uhm, see me for real.”
“But I saw you for real last night at the party.”
“But I had clothes on. Now I’m in my birthday suit.”
“Can you please say naked instead of birthday suit?”
“I like saying birthday suit.”
“And I like saying fuck, shit, damn, and hell. Is that OK with you?”
“Y-es, if you want to be mean and vulgar…”
“Oh my God. What have I gotten myself into?”
“What do you mean?” she whined. “What have I done wrong?”
He could lie and say she’d done nothing wrong, and that he was always testy after he’d just woken up. Then they would cuddle, and maybe screw a few more times before he had to go to work. He could tell the blunt truth, which was that she was a neurotic child who needed to stop hiding herself behind the sheets. He felt like he was in a PG-13 movie, where the women were always fully covered after sex, usually by bedsheets, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Or he could simply kick her out and be done with her, the Reggie Willis way — or the Thomas Copeland spin on the Reggie Willis way.
The last option seemed best.
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Thomas said. “It’s not you, it’s me. You see, I have night terrors. I actually don’t like to sleep with women, because I might kick them off the bed or something. That’s why I’m acting cranky. I’m thinking about your safety, and how I’d feel if I harmed you.”
“Are you sure?” Allison said doubtfully. “I mean, I’ve just been here one night, but I haven’t seen any signs of sleep terrors. You were sleeping peacefully. You didn’t thrash around, and you woke up lucid. How often does it happen? Is it something you’ve dealt with your whole life? Have you talked to a doctor about it?”
Damn. He’d forgotten she was a nurse.
“It’s a, uh, special case,” Thomas replied. “Doctors are flabbergasted. Anyway, I don’t want you to get caught up in my dangerous illness, so I think it’s best if you leave. I’m damaged goods, Allison.”
“Sleep terrors don’t make you damaged goods, Tommy — Thomas. It’s just a parasomnia. I can make you an appointment with Dr. Duer at the hospital, he’s very good…”
“No, no, that’s OK. Like I said, doctors are flabbergasted. Can’t be cured. I didn’t want to mention it, but I nearly throttled the last girl I had over during one my episodes. I wouldn’t want that to happen to you. So, please leave, and save yourself — and my conscience.”
“But we’re both awake now anyway…”
“No, it’s still too dangerous.”
It felt delightful to bullshit someone so thoroughly. It wasn’t like he was really hurting her, anyway. She’d cry to her girlfriends and post something about the treachery of the male gender on Facebook, and then she’d get over it in a few days.
But even in the dim light he could see those wide eyes, and it almost made him drop the deceit and comfort her with a hug. She knew she was being bullshitted, but she was going to take it; Thomas was pretty sure this wasn’t the first time she’d been treated like this. Not my problem, he thought. She set herself up for a one-night stand, after all.
“Fine, I’ll leave,” Allison said, in a poor semblance of anger. “See you around.”