I managed to stay busy removing my tie from my waist and retying it around my neck while thinking about the year he referred to. From what I knew of the Committee's language, the demonstrative pronoun he had used did not refer to the current year. Since he hadn't mentioned a specific year, he must have intended "that." In as much as I couldn't imagine any omission in the report about me, this had to be a trap.
I coaldn't ask for a clarification of the year intended without springing the trap. It was imperative that I figure it out for myself, and as quickly as possible.
To me, the question was of the utmost difficulty. I decided the one way out was to exclude, on the basis of my age at the time, some of the probable years, such as '48 and '52, so narrowing the field of discussion. There remained the years '56, '58, '61, and '67. A concise answer occurred to me before hopelessness set in: one that did not deviate from the truth by much, but still was not comprehensive.
"In Jail," I said.
Though short, my answer dumfounded them. No one asked me anything. Part of the hostile atmosphere confronting me at the beginning cleared, or so I imagined. I was at a loss to interpret the look I'd seen in the Blond's light-colored eyes. Was it perhaps mocking?
I saw him note something with a red pen on the paper before him and lean toward the old chairman to whisper sometning in his left ear, his hearing ear. Then he handed the paper to Stubby.
The chairman addressed me sternly, "We have heard a long speech from you on your talents and abilities. However, we have reports here saying you couldn't perform with a certain woman. This report is unquestionable, since it was submitted by the very woman exposed to this inadequacy. So what do you have to say about it?"
This question took me by surprise. I felt confused. This unwonted episode hadn't happened with just one woman, but with several, and for a variety of reasons. Since the Committee was painstaking in its work, my answer must be specific. But how could it be when I didn't know which woman they meant?
Stubby, motivated by malice, saved me from answering. Unable to control himself, he shouted, "Maybe he's impotent."
But the Blond didn't share that opinion. He leaned over to the chairman's ear and said, "He's probably…"
I didn't hear the rest of the sentence, but I had no difficulty guessing.
The Blond motioned for me to come forward until I stood before him. Then he ordered me to take off my pants, so I did. I laid them over the back of an empty seat, then stood before the Committee in my boxer shorts, socks, and shoes.
They kept looking at me as though waiting for something. I pointed to my underwear, "These too?"
The Blond nodded. I removed my shorts and put them on top of the trousers. Meanwhile, their eyes settled attentively on my naked parts.
Next the Blond asked me to turn my back. Then he ordered me to bend over. I felt his hand on my naked buttocks. He ordered me to cough. At that moment I felt a finger inside my body.
After he withdrew his finger, I straightened up and faced them again. I saw this blond man look at the chairman and say triumphantly, "Didn't I tell you?"
The old man smiled for the first time. Everyone burst out talking simultaneously. Commotion filled the hall and I couldn't make out anything they said. Finally, the chairman pounded on the table with his fist to cut off the chatter. When the tumult had subsided completely, he turned to me and said, "Whether we consider events major based on their number and magnitude, or based on their future ramifications, we undoubtedly live in the greatest century in history. By which momentous event among the wars, revolutions, or inventions will our century be remembered in the future?"
I welcomed this question, in spite of its difficulty, because I found it an opportunity to demonstrate my knowledge of subjects especially interesting to me.
"This question is well worth asking. I can cite many matters of such gravity."
The Blond interrupted, explaining, "We want only one thing: that it be international and that it embody the notable and timeless concepts of this century's civilization."
I smiled, "This is the difficulty in a nutshell, your honor. We could mention Marilyn Monroe. This American beauty was truly an international cultural phenomenon, but a fleeting one, which ran its course. Under the influence of the gifted, such as Dior and Cardin, the standards of beauty change every day. Human beings themselves are transitory, which characteristic leads us to eschew the soon to be depleted Arab oil. We might also mention the conquest of space, except that it has yet to bring about anything of value. The same standard makes us eliminate many revolutions, although it may occur to us to pause at Vietnam. However, this is not advisable, since it would lead us to unnecessary ideological complications.
"I say all this because you requested a motif by which our century would be remembered in the future. However, to serve as a motif, the phenomenon itself must still be found in the future.
"If we go in another direction, we can find the right road with no trouble. It is, unfortunately, a long, crowded road, like the Cairo airport road, with its billboards displaying in large letters brand names such as Phillips, Toshiba, Gillette, Michelin, Shell, Kodak, Westinghouse, Ford, Nestle, and Marlboro.
"I suspect you agree with me, your honors, that the whole world uses these brand-name products. Just as the giant corporations producing them, in turn, use the world, transforming the workers into machines, the consumers into numbers, and countries into markets. Thus, these products are the alarming results of our century's scientific and technological achievements. Furthermore, they will neither perish nor be exhausted, having been created to last.
"Which do we choose then?"
I paused, keeping them on tenterhooks, and looked at them. Then I answered dramatically, "Not one."
A muttering arose among the members. I ventured to raise my hand and say, "Wait a moment, your honors. I didn't mean I am unable to answer the question this revered Committee has posed, but rather I mean to say that the answer is not among the names I gave you."
I paused a moment, then continued, "In response to your question, your honors, I will say just one word, although some would consider it two: Coca-Cola."
I expected to hear some comments from which I could gauge the effect of my answer, but all were silent, so I went on with my speech.
"We will not find, your honors, among all that I have mentioned, anything that embodies the civilization of this century or its accomplishments, let alone its future, like this svelte little bottle, which is just the right size to fit up anyone's ass."
I smiled, waiting for them to acknowledge my attempt at humor. They continued looking at me blankly, so I went on, "It is found nearly everywhere, both north and south, from Finland and Alaska to Australia and South Africa. Its return to China after a thirty-year absence is one of the headlines which will shape the history of the century. While the words used for God and love and happiness vary from one country to another and from one language to another, `Coca-Cola' means the same thing in all places and all tongues. Furthermore, its ingredients will not run out, for they can be easily cultivated. People won't give up this palate-tickling taste because of its power to create a habit that approaches addiction.
"Since its advent, Coca-Cola has been linked with the major trends of the age, sometimes sharing to a large extent in their formation. The American pharmacist Pemberton synthesized it in Atlanta, famous as the capital of Georgia, the birthplace of the American president Carter and of the notorious Ku Klux Klan. This was during 1886, the very year in which the famous Statue of Liberty, that symbol of the New World, was completed.