Bernard, I exclaimed, slightly exasperated. That doesnt say anything.
Thank you, Prime Minister.
Hed missed the point. Totally devoid of impact, I explained.
Youre too kind, he replied with a modest blush.
No Bernard -- I dont like it!!
He was surprised, and looked at it again to see how it could be given more impact. How about urgently reviewing?
I scowled at him. He was a little edgy but stuck to his guns. I do really feel, Prime Minister, that it should be toned down a bit.
I turned to Malcolm for his thoughts or guidance. He suggested: The Trident programme is a heavy burden on your tax bill. 15 billion is a lot of money and we shall be looking at it very carefully to see if it merits the amount it costs.
It obviously watered down the content somewhat but I accepted the compromise. I checked with Godfrey if it was okay to mention figures.
Yes. He was quite enthusiastic about figures. I mean, practically no one takes them in and those who do dont believe them. But it makes people think youve got the facts at your fingertips. Dont forget, people dont know youre reading them off the teleprompter.
Good point. Apart from that his only criticism was that I was going a bit slowly. This was true -- but I was going slowly because the teleprompter thing was going slowly. But I neednt have worried. He explained that it follows your speed -- if you go fast, or slow, it just goes with you.
I tried it. Very slowly I said: The Tri dent pro gra mme is aaa And then I speeded up abruptly: very-heavy-burden-on-your-tax-bill-Fifteen-billion-pounds-is a lot of mo ney and we I was going dead slow again. And it worked. Very freeing, but quite difficult to make it look natural, spoken rather than read. Still, I think I got the hang of it pretty fast.
Godfrey picked up on another detail in that paragraph. I wonder if youd mind not saying your tax bill? It makes you sound as if youre not one of the people. The ruler talking to the ruled. Them and us.
Another good point. I should say our tax bill. I pay tax too!
Bernard was still worrying that this part of the speech was too direct. I couldnt see any problem with that, till Bernard reminded me that a lot of peoples jobs in this country depend onTrident. He felt that until there had been some consultation we shouldnt exactly spell this out.
On reflection, I felt he might be right. Malcolm came up with an alternative: Defence expenditure is one of the areas which this government will be examining closely to see if we can achieve the same level of defence at lower cost.
It seemed okay to me. But Godfrey said it was too long, and should be said in two sentences. We find if any sentence takes more than two lines, when it gets to the end most people have forgotten how it began. Including the person speaking it.
So we split that bit into two sentences.
Godfrey was still worried about my position at the desk. Clearly I had not yet arranged myself to his satisfaction. He told me that I was starting to lean forward again.
I couldnt really help it. Thats what I do, I explained to him, when I want to look sincere.
The trouble is, he replied, it makes you look like someone who wants to look sincere. If you lean back, you look relaxed and in control.
I leaned right back. Not too far, Godfrey said, it makes you look as though you had a liquid lunch.
We certainly dont want that! I sat bolt upright, wondering what to do about looking sincere if I couldnt lean forward.
Godfrey had a solution. Well underline the bits of the script where you want to sound sincere. When you come to them you frown, and say them a bit more slowly.
So far so good. But then he started giving me acting lessons. He told me my face was a bit wooden! Nobodys ever said that to me before. I didnt quite know how to take it.
He explained that in normal speech people move their head and eyebrows and cheek muscles and so on. The teleprompter was apparently turning me into a zombie.
So I tried it again. My efforts to move my face seemed to provoke sniggers in the far corner of the room where the technicians were lurking. Godfrey told me Id been doing it a little too much that time.
Bernard was still worrying about the relevant paragraph of the speech, which still read: Defence expenditure is one of those areas which this government will be examining closely. He still felt it was dangerously explicit. If you specify defence cuts it causes a lot of anxiety in places like Devonport, Portsmouth, Rosyth, Aldershot and Bristol.
I suddenly saw his point. All those towns have marginal constituencies. I told him to tone it down a little. So we went on with another bit of the speech in the meantime.
It went like this. Youll have heard a lot of nonsense from the Opposition. They say we waste money. They say we are selling out to the United States. I say, look at the mess they made when they were in power. Look at the damage they did to the economy.
This time it was Godfrey who objected to the content of the speech. Prime Minister, if I might suggest -- don't attack the Opposition.
This was a very disappointing response. After all, those are the bits that the Party likes best.
But Godfreys attitude was most interesting. His argument is that the Party will vote for me anyway. Attacking the Opposition will simply make the floating voters see me as an angry and divisive figure.
If hes right, we certainly dont want that. Godfrey also advised me never to repeat charges people make against me. It just gives more publicity to the criticisms. He also feels that people will think Im really worried about the Opposition if I go out of my way to attack them.
So I couldnt see what I could say about them. His answer was simple. Dont mention them at all. Everything you say has to make you sound warm and friendly. Authoritative, of course, but loving. Father of the Nation. Try lowering the pitch of your voice.
I found it enormously difficult to speak in a deeper voice. It sounded completely false, like a Paul Robeson impression. Im told that I must take voice lessons from someone at the RSC if I want to get it really right. [Royal Shakespeare Company, a theatrical production company which was regarded primarily for diction and voice production Ed.]
Anyway, in as deep a voice as I could muster I started on the next paragraph. They reduced our gold resources, they destroyed our export trade, they concluded contemptible and infamous agreements I realised that all of this excellent knocking copy had to go as well. What a pity!
But Godfrey had a word with Malcolm and they slipped in an optimistic, positive piece about me and the future. I think he could be right that this is an improvement on saying negative things about the past: We want to build a bright future for our children. We want to build a peaceful and prosperous Britain. A Britain that can hold her head high in the fellowship of nations.
I thought it was rather good. I asked them where they had got it. It turned out theyd taken it from the last Party Political by the Leader of the Opposition. Well have to paraphrase it.
Godfrey wanted to get back to the subject of my appearance. I prepared myself for more personal criticisms, but he wanted to discuss my clothes initially.
What will you be wearing?
What do you suggest?
A dark suit represents traditional values.
I said Id wear a dark suit.
On the other hand, a light suit looks businesslike.
Another dilemma. To look traditional or businesslike. Again I wanted to look both. Could I have a sort of lightish jacket with a darkish waistcoat?
No, Prime Minister, that would just look as if you had an identity problem. Of course, you could try a tweed suit, which suggests the British countryside. Environment, conservation and so on.