“I didn’t see them. I never saw them,” he whispers.
“You make me sick. Don’t.” I raise my hand as my eyes well with tears. “Just don’t.” A tear rolls down my cheek, and then another.
“Cove?” Sophia’s voice echoes into the room with a light tap on the door.
“Go. Just go. Tell Sophia I’ll be right out,” I sniff. “We’ll have Haverty pick us up. I just need you far away from me.”
“I’m sorry.” His voice is soft as he unlocks the door and heads out.
I start to sob; unable to comprehend that this is happening. I’d never cheat on my wife. How could he lie to me and to my mother? How could he have a child and ignore her? I can’t believe I have a sister.
Tears continue to stream down my face as my chest heaves in a fight for air. My body is in a fit. I’m suffocating.
“Cove?” Sophia whispers. “Your dad left in a hurry; he said you weren’t feeling well. You okay? Can I come in?”
“No, give me a sec.”
“Are you sick? What’s going on?”
My hands cover my face in a sad attempt to get my shit together. I wipe my eyes and inhale, holding my breath for what seems like an eternity. But my emotions overpower my mind, and my chest convulses. I have a heartache that’s fiercer than the day my father was sentenced to twenty years in prison. I feel as though I’ve lost him again, only this time he’s the one who’s been deceptive.
“I’m coming in,” Sophia whispers.
“Just give me one more minute.”
There’s silence from the other side of the door. Fuck she’s been good lately. I long for her embrace, and yet I don’t want her to see me like this. She’s heard me break down before, but she’s never physically seen me lose my shit. How am I going to talk to her about this if I haven’t even had time to process it myself?
I splash cold water on my face and try and wipe my eyes free of tears. I look like hell. These emotions aren’t something I can suppress. Not this time. “Soph, call Haverty to pick us up, I’ll be right out.”
“Are you throwing up? Do you need some water?”
“Just call Haverty,” I say, as calmly as I can back to her. My hands clutch the porcelain sink and I take a moment to halt my erratic breathing. How could he do this? Breathe in. How do I keep this from my mother? Breathe out. What do I do about Ivy? Breathe in. Stay in control.
“Stay in control,” I whisper, as I open the door.
“Jesus, you’ve been crying. What happened? No one will tell me what’s going on.” She wraps her arms around me, and I kiss the top of her head, inhaling her scent as a way to pacify my soul.
“We need to talk, but in private. Can you wait ‘til we get home?”
“Only if you tell me everything’s okay.”
“With the accusation, yes. I’m not being charged with anything.”
“Oh, thank God,” she sighs a breath of relief. “But there’s something else?”
I close my eyes and nod.
“Are you okay?” she says softly. “Are we okay?”
“Yeah. You and I are fine. Let’s go home for a while and talk. The Scarlett will be open soon and I need to get my shit together, and this isn’t the place to do it.” I kiss her lips so she feels comforted and doesn’t push the conversation. I can tell she’s distraught over the allegation from Ivy, and the thought of losing me to a system she’s often heard me say can fuck an innocent man in the ass.
We wait outside for Haverty in an unfamiliar state of silence. He senses our discontent as soon as we enter the vehicle, and mentions only that the cops stopped by to speak with him, not pushing for any further information.
It starts to rain as he stops in front of our building. He helps Sophia to the front door, holding an umbrella over her head for the five second walk.
“That was nice of you, thanks Haverty.” My eyes close and I tilt my head back to feel the cold drips on my face in an attempt to clear my head. How am I going to start this conversation with Soph? My fists haven’t relaxed in hours and my knuckles are bone white.
“I have a feeling the two of you had a rough afternoon. You alright?” he asks.
“Yeah. Do me a favor and keep an eye on the Scarlett tonight. I may be a little late.” I reach my hand to him and he pulls me a step closer to his body.
“You off the hook?”
I nod and look back to Sophia who’s waiting in the lobby of our building.
“Listen, Buddy,” his tone serious and direct. “Don’t fucking think about heading to Kaitlyn’s place tonight. Not after this thing with Ivy. Give it a rest for a while.”
I nod again and he releases my hand.
“My mother will be around this evening, and I’ll send Sophia in as well. I need some time alone after I talk to her.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He stares into my eyes, which are probably still red from tears.
“Someday, maybe.”
“Well fuck. Just let me know when I can call you a dickhead again. The past twenty minutes have been hell.” He taps me on the shoulder and I send him my most appreciative smile; then head inside to my wife. I think both he and Soph can sense the severity of whatever happened at the station, but I’m stunned that they haven’t put my hand in a vice to get me to talk. My entire day feels like I’m trapped in another dimension.
With my arm around Sophia, my head in a knot like a twisted piece of metal in a tornado, and my palms still sweaty, we ride the elevator never saying a word. Thank God we don’t run into my parents along the way. I held back from hitting my father, and I cringe just thinking it even entered my mind; that I could be in such a rage that I would actually punch him, and yet the thought is still foremost in my mind.
I head straight for our kitchen and down a shot followed by a cold beer from the fridge.
“Cove, I can’t wait any longer. My stomach hurts and I’m having panic attacks trying to figure out what’s wrong. Talk to me, please.”
“Take a seat by the window and I’ll be right over.”
“Are you leaving me?”
“Soph, don’t be stupid right now. Sorry to be so blunt but you know I’d never leave you, and again, this isn’t fucking about you. What’s with the lack of confidence all of a sudden? It’s driving me mad, and I’m furious with my father right now, but also trying my best not to take it out on people around me, so do me a favor and don’t give me any ammunition for flying off the handle, alright?”
“Sorry,” she whispers. It’s clear by her body language as she drags her feet to the sofa that she’s concerned and hurt, and I could kick myself for being a dick to her. Plus, I think she’s got some PMS going on, at least it seems that way.
I hand her a beer and we take a minute to view the St. Louis Arch from our corner window sitting area. My fingers interlace with hers, and I kiss the back of her hand as an apology.
Haverty’s voice enters my head as I stammer to find a good way to begin. Fuck. Just grow some balls and say it. “My father cheated on my mother,” I whisper.
“What? You mean again? You told me he confessed his infidelity to you years ago, but it was just that one time.”
My eyes blur. I was strong the entire drive home; not wanting to be a pussy in front of Haverty, but if Soph and I are gonna spend a lifetime together, I’ll need to subject her to my weaker, lesser self from time to time.
“Cove?” she says, wiping my cheek. “Babe, please don’t cry.”
“This was years ago. Probably when I was just a little kid.”
“Whoa. What? I don’t understand. Why did this come out today?”
I chug my beer in a pathetic effort to halt my feelings. No fucking luck. I’m shattered.
“Hey... hey,” she kneels on the floor between my legs, sets my beer down, and takes both of my hands in hers. “Look at me. Stop drinking and talk to me, or I’ll act like a bitch and piss you off to get you to open up. I know you talk non-stop when you’re angry at me, so if I need to...”