‘Madam I do so adore you sometimes.’
‘Ah only sometimes.’
‘Yes. Other times you cause me considerable discomfort. About my pedigree especially.’
‘Ah you should not worry. I will whenever you should require, be glad to give you a social recommendation.’
‘Now that’s exactly the demeaning kind of thing I mean. You can make one feel such an awful commoner.’
‘But surely, isn’t that what you are.’
‘You’re just angry because you can’t bear losing to me at chess.’
‘I would much prefer to lose at chess than I would at love. And at love I have lost so many times.’
‘But it is only at chess you lose to me. And if I were assured that I would not again be slapped in the face I would suggest that this evening might be appropriate for us to imbibe the claret and d’ Yquem still on the sideboard.’
‘Of course you will, my sweet, not be slapped if you behave and perhaps later I will teach you to jitterbug.’
Dressing for dinner I chose a purple silk hanky for my breast pocket and brushed my hair to a sheen. And made the best neat bow I possibly could of my tie. She seemed to have a courage did Miss von B. And that she would take risks despite her zealously careful ways about the house. Although she still complained that the dust, smears of hands and marks everywhere did get her down. And they even appeared on the few places where she had scraped, prepared and painted herself. I tried to reason with her that it gave it a natural ageing effect.
‘Ah my god. This place is too much naturally aged already.’
To her, I was dying to make love. Looking upon her face even beautiful when distorted through my wine glass. We had trifle pudding to end our most marvellously pleasant supper. Crooks clean shirted although noisily slippered was only really clumsy once. Dropping and then trodding in the butter which of course Miss von B insisted we all clean up. Can you imagine. Gentry on their knees. I could see she was aggrieved that Crooks was of course traipsing this grease all the way back and forth cross eyed into the pantry. But he did at least try hard to avoid further disaster by two handedly laying down the remaining plates. This also got at Miss von B but she was most good to hold her tongue. Poor old Crooks had so obviously made such an effort. With most of the more conspicuous of his frontal stains removed from his livery. Norah too, with her belly bulging pronounced in her white apron, was rushing attentive to our every little table need. And except for a bat flying round the dining room and a resounding crash of glass in the pantry, the whole meal was carried off without a hitch. Even though it was just cold slices of beef in hot gravy with boiled cabbage and potatoes. Which of course required one to indulge in lofty conversation in order to elevate the elegance of the fare.
‘I do so like the lyricism in Mozart’s bassoon concerto in A major, don’t you madam.’
‘Yes. I do. But it is in B flat major.’
Of course that was immediately the kind of thing which reminded one of eating potatoes and cabbage again. However with port we repaired to the ballroom and opening the doors through to the library we listened to the gramophone. Miss von B leading me through the most god awful gyrations. It was surely fast and best described as a leg busting gavotte sending limbs out every which bloody way. And I must confess I soon steered reluctant Miss von B from these maniac paroxysms towards honeymoon bridge on the fur on the floor in front of the firelight in the library. I was feeling so pleasant and physically improved that I could not really give too much of a damn of what damn key Mozart was composing in nor indeed concerning my privileges and distinctions previously so dearly and bitterly debated. And I had much fun in F major when Miss von B lost also at cards. And I made much of it while pointing haughtily with my finger.
‘Now madam, would you mind just standing over there close to tears.’
And in fact she did do that very thing. Proceeding, her shoulders hunched over to the chimneypiece. Bending her head slowly into her hands and good lord releasing suddenly a cascade of sobs which made me jump up so fast and rush to her that I knocked over a side table stacked with tomes on lineage. To take her as best I could in a comforting embrace, which seemed to make her sob even louder. I was really getting scared. Saying, what’s the matter, please tell me and was nearly in tears myself, when she then burst into laughter.
‘Why you absolute dirty rotter to do that. I feel quite that you have made an absolute fool of me.’
I was in fact now standing there in actual tears of rage. And I gave her a good damn sock of my fist right on the shoulder. And she convulsed in laughter even harder. Till I really let her have a thundering hard punch on her thigh when she smacked me back with a bone painful blow to my own shoulder and sooner than soon we were grabbing, pulling, tripping, wrestling and crashing all over the place. God she is strong. Every time I thought I had her pinned down she twisted right up again out of my grasp. And threw me over. And she didn’t appear to be in the least concerned with the upheaval of pillows and crashing furniture. But I finally managed to get her in a scissor grip with my legs. And although she agreed to give up she had me bloody well twisted by my fingers and demanded I surrender first. And not being a ruddy bounder I naturally consented.
‘You are being absolutely unladylike madam fighting like a man.’
‘But of course what would you expect, for me to fight like a woman. You would then have your eyes scratched out.’
‘That is a most chilling thing to say.’
‘Ah but perhaps I should suggest some, warmer way of expending our energy that we ought really to try. But I think it must wait till a little later. Just in case there are inquisitive eyes and ears still awake.’
I was quite flushed in the face and I was amazed at her sudden indifference to her appearance and getting her dress mussed. And I brushed her off especially about the bosoms. And the white brilliance of her teeth as she smiled. We picked up the books and replaced other disturbed furnishings. Put logs on the fire and I lay my head back on her lap sitting on the floor. And just looking up into her eyes. The wind rattling outside. The crackling fire. So wonderful to have this conspiracy of love between us. Even if it was sometimes breached when we actually tried to kill each other in a fight, to only be, in just a matter of seconds later enraptured in writhing passion, flesh to flesh embraced. Our smells making one fume. If one could get that hot on such an extremely cool evening. And if too, of course she had let go of my badly twisted fingers. And climbing up the stairs her hair loosed from her combs and falling down her back I was going to ask her. Of what would happen if we ever had a baby. And if our love made another born, would it change anything between us. Then reaching the landing I couldn’t summon my voice to speak such words. And instead I asked, had all the war, all the death, destruction, made matters of who was better and more esteemed than another, any different. As when her shoes were worn through and broken and her clothes threadbare and she had no butter bacon or eggs. Did not the lack of such things then make her feel all dismally the same as everyone else. And did that make her feel glad and relieved that her elegances and superiorities need no longer trouble her.
‘Ah my grand fellow. You have got everything so arsey versy. My elegancies, they have never troubled me. But in matters of distinctions nothing changes. No cannon, no bomb is enough to shatter rank. But even if everybody suffers, your own suffering does not seem less. And there are always those for whom superiorities are dearly and bitterly important. Who still care so much about their privileges and distinctions. Either gained or lost. Either hoped for or disappointed. And they would wear their crowns and medals on their deathbeds. It is sadly an unchanging fact of life. That everyone does like to feel esteemed in the eyes of everybody else. No matter who they are.’