I blinked a couple of times as I let that sink in. A low simmer started in my chest, but either I was getting more serene in my old age, or Dominic had given the statement so much buildup that nothing he said could be as bad as I expected. Knowing me, the latter is more likely.
“Investigating how? And why?”
He was still watching me warily, which meant there was more to this story he didn’t think I would like. “He’s been wondering why Raphael chose you to be Lugh’s host.”
Dougal—Lugh’s oldest brother and second in line for the throne—had hatched an insidious plan to take over as king of the Demon Realm. He’d planned to summon Lugh into a human host, and then burn that host alive, which, counter to popular wisdom, is the only way to kill a demon. Raphael, Lugh’s youngest brother, had ostensibly been Dougal’s accomplice, but instead of arranging for Lugh to take over the chosen host, he’d stuck Lugh in my body.
Turned out Raphael had always been on Lugh’s side, and had summoned him into me to save his life. Somehow, Raphael had known Lugh wouldn’t be able to take me over, and because of that inability, he would remain hidden from his enemies. Even when Raphael had revealed his true loyalties, he’d refused to tell Lugh how he’d known.
“I’m sure we’ve all been wondering that,” I said cautiously. “What does my family have to do with anything?”
“You mean other than the fact that your brother was Raphael’s host?”
I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean!”
“Yes. Well. Adam figured that Raphael must have found out something interesting when he insinuated himself into your family, so Adam hoped to find out what that interesting something was.”
My heart seemed to be beating louder than it should, but it was probably my imagination. “And? What did he find?”
Dominic looked even more uncomfortable. “I love Adam, but I wish he hadn’t sent me to do this….”
I made a little sound of frustration. “Just tell me, already! Waiting for the other shoe to drop is killing me.”
Dominic clasped his hands in his lap and regarded them with concentration. “He found an old, buried police report from twenty-eight years ago. About a rape.” He squirmed. “The victim was your mother.”
The blood drained from my face. Never had my mother even hinted that she’d been raped. Of course, my mother and I had been at each other’s throats since I was about five, so I guess it isn’t surprising that she hadn’t shared a confidence like that with me.
Still, I didn’t know how to feel. I mean…damn! What a horrible secret to keep for all these years. How much had that rape affected my mother’s life? And her personality? Was it possible that all the things I despised about her were symptoms of that terrible trauma in her past?
Then the other shoe dropped—though I was losing count of how many shoes it had been so far.
“Twenty-eight years ago?” I asked in a hushed whisper, and Dominic met my eyes this time. His chin dipped in a barely perceptible nod, and the sympathy in his expression made my throat ache. “Then there’s a chance…” I couldn’t say it. My pulse was pounding in my ears, my world tipping sideways once again.
Dominic sighed. “Not just a chance, I’m afraid,” he said gently. “Adam also found the record of a paternity test.”
My heart clenched in my chest, and it was all I could do to hold myself together. “I guess that means my father isn’t really my father, huh?” I tried for something like nonchalance and was sure I failed.
Dominic shook his head. “I wish there were some good way to tell you this.”
He looked so miserable that I was able to pull myself up by my bootstraps, at least temporarily. “You did fine,” I assured him. I could only imagine how Adam would have delivered the news. He doesn’t like me any more than I like him. In my more generous moments, I admit that I’ve given him good cause to dislike me. But my generous moments are few and far between.
Still, I guess this unpleasant truth about my origins explained a bit about my less-than-stellar relationship with my parents. I’d always assumed they favored my brother for his willingness to host a demon. My parents are members of the Spirit Society, a group that practically worships these demons. To them, there can be no greater glory than to sacrifice oneself to host a demon. The fact that they hadn’t been able to brainwash me into hosting had inspired boundless animosity, but now I had an insight into what else they held against me. And it wasn’t pretty.
“Not to be shitty or anything,” I said, “but is there some burning reason you and Adam felt it necessary to tell me this? I mean, I’ve gone twenty-eight years without knowing, and I’d have been happy to go twenty-eight more.”
Dominic shrugged. “Lugh can’t gain control of you. There’s got to be a reason, since Raphael had no trouble taking over your brother. Don’t you think the fact that you and your brother have different fathers might have something to do with it?”
I leaned back into the stiff, uncomfortable cushions of my rent-a-couch and brooded a bit. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this revelation. There was definitely an element of shock. I mean, how could I not be shocked? But I think I would have been more devastated if I were actually close to my dad.
Christ! Why had they done it? Why had my mother decided to keep her baby under the circumstances? Yeah, she was the pro-life type, but even if she wasn’t willing to have an abortion, that didn’t mean she had to keep me after I was born! Had my father known all along that I wasn’t his?
The questions circled like sharks, and I didn’t want to deal with them.
“Okay,” I said, “let’s say you’re right and my biological father”—man, did that sound weird—“has something to do with why Lugh can’t get a foothold. What does that gain us? We don’t know who he was, do we?”
Dominic shook his head. “No. Your mother didn’t even give much of a description in the police report. But the strange thing is that, after she made the initial report, nothing happened.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, no one made any effort to investigate the case. It just kind of sank out of sight, and your mother never made an inquiry. I can’t help wondering why.”
I had to admit, that was pretty strange. But I also had a sneaking suspicion where this was going, and I intended to nip it in the bud. “If you think I’m going to question my mom about it, you can forget it.”
“Now, Morgan—”
“No!” I snapped. “I do everything I can to avoid her, even in supposedly pleasant situations. No way in hell am I asking her about a rape she never bothered to tell me about.”
I was too agitated to sit still, so I stood up and paced. I wanted to pull the blanket of denial up over my head again. After all the shit I’d been through, I needed more time, damn it! Bad enough to have to deal with royal intrigue and assassins and the fate of the human race—which, according to Lugh, could turn seriously ugly if Dougal managed to grab the throne—but to have to deal with my family issues on top of all that…
Nope, not ready for it.
Dominic’s a pretty smart guy, and his instincts are good. He took one look at my face, then swallowed whatever argument he’d been about to make.
“All right,” he said, standing. “I can certainly understand your position. Adam will keep poking around the old files. He’ll let you know if he finds anything important.”
I’m not the most polite person under the best of circumstances, which these weren’t, so I couldn’t manage much better than a curt nod of acceptance. Still, I did walk him to the door, which I felt was rather decent of me.
“If you ever need someone to talk to,” he said before he left, “give me a call. I’m a good listener.”
I couldn’t help a little snort of laughter. Dom looked hurt.
“Nothing personal,” I hastened to assure him. “I’m sure you’re a great listener. But I’m a lousy talker.” Which I bet he knew already. He hadn’t known me all that long, but he was far too sensitive not to have picked that up.