The Diamond Dad

Faye went into the kitchen to make some tea. But as she reached out to the kettle she saw Barker's biscuits lying there, where she'd left them in the last moment before the nightmare began. The two red ones were still set apart, so that he could have them first. Perhaps he would never want them now. Suddenly unable to bear the sight, she rushed out of the kitchen and upstairs.

In her own room she was free to give way to her emotions. She left the light off and went to stand at the window, overlooking the spot where Barker had collapsed. She couldn't tear her eyes away from it and barely heard the click as Garth entered. He came close and touched her uncertainly on the shoulder.

'Faye,' he said quietly. 'Please-'

'It was down there,' she said huskily. 'They were playing ball and suddenly he made a different sound. Cindy called me and when I ran out he was lying stretched out on the ground-right there.'

'Hush!' he said, taking her into his arms. But she couldn't stop. The fear and grief of the day had caught up and overwhelmed her.

'He lay so still,' she choked. 'He's always been so full of life-into everything, and-and suddenly-he just didn't move-'

'Come away,' he said, drawing her away from the window.

'Suppose he never moves again-'

'Don't,' he begged her. 'You can't blame me more than I blame myself.'

'No, no, I didn't mean that- It's just that-he's one of the family and-I love him so much.'

'I know,' he said wryly. 'So do I.' He pressed her gently down on a small sofa and sat beside her. 'Take this,' he said, putting a glass into her hand. 'It's brandy. I brought it up because we both need one.'

She sipped it, and blew her nose. 'It's such a short time we've had Barker,' she said. 'Yet I can't imagine doing without him.'

'Perhaps we won't have to.' Garth drank some brandy and tried to steady himself. He'd skipped breakfast to make some final notes for his meeting and since then the only thing he'd had was Kendall's coffee. Now tension and an empty stomach were making him lightheaded. It was hardly possible that he could be sitting here with Faye, talking like this in the darkness. At the same time, it seemed perfectly natural.

Faye was in no better state. Unlike Garth, she'd had breakfast, and later a sandwich at the surgery. But she was exhausted and glad of the brandy.

'Dry your eyes,' he commanded, dabbing her face with his clean handkerchief. 'We've got to be positive about this. We've won so far and we're going to win in the end.'

'Are you sure?' He sounded so confident that she began to relax.

'Completely sure,' he said firmly. 'Barker's a fighter. He never gives up. Have you ever known him give up when there was something he wanted? Titbits, the best chair, making you stop work to throw his ball? Anything?'

'No,' she conceded. The authority in Garth's voice was almost hypnotic. He'd achieved so much today and it was suddenly easy to believe that he could order everything just as he wanted.

'You're right, he won't give up.' She managed a wonky smile. 'Stupid mutt. Always in the way-'

'Greedy, noisy, clumsy,' Garth supplied. 'Greedy.'

'You said greedy before,' she reminded him.

'However many times I said it, it would still be true. And dirty. Paws like plates, always covered in mud. Unscrupulous.' He hunted for something else. 'Greedy.'

'Scheming,' she supplied. 'Devious. He'd sell his grandmother for a titbit.'

'Dimwitted. Awkward.'

'And greedy.'

'Unreliable.'

'Not unreliable,' Faye protested. 'You could always rely on him to do the wrong thing.'

'That's true. Offend your neighbours, burgle your house, scratch your car-'

Faye broke down again. 'Oh, Garth, he will be all right, won't he? He's got to be.'

He put his arms around her and held her tightly, murmuring, 'It's all going to be fine. We couldn't go through all this for nothing.'

'You were wonderful getting Wakeham to come over.'

'Mr Fixit! That's me!'

'No, I'm serious. It meant so much to the children that you pulled out all the stops.'

'Only to the children?'

'Well, to me too, of course.'

'Yes, of course,' he said with a faint sigh. 'But I got it all the wrong way around, didn't I? If I'd listened to you in the first place-'

'Don't brood about that for ever. I heard what Cindy said to you tonight. She was right. They had him, even if just for a little while. Cindy's a very wise little person.'

'She's wonderful, isn't she? Just recently I've realized how like you she is. All heart. It worries me, because it makes her so vulnerable-mostly to me, at the moment.'

'Yes, she is. But at least you know. You can protect her.'

'Maybe I'm not so good at that. When you were-'

'What?' she asked, for he'd stopped, as if reluctant to say more.

'When we met-you were such a little thing, so delicate and young. You knew nothing about the world. I wanted to protect you from every wind that blew.'

'But I grew up,' she reminded him. 'And then you didn't know what to say to me any more.'

'Maybe I didn't want you to grow up,' he agreed. 'We were so happy then. I didn't want to let any part of it go. Besides, I thought you wanted me to be the strong one, and look after you. You said something once-'

'What did I say?'

'It was the week before Adrian was born and I'd just lost my job. Things looked about as black as they could be. I felt such a failure. Do you remember what you said?'

'Not the exact words, but I know I tried to tell you that I had confidence in you.'

'You said, "Don't worry. I know you'll make everything right." For a moment I was so scared at the trust you were putting in me. Then I knew I had to justify that trust, never trouble you with the burdens, but just make everything right for you-as you wanted me too.'

'But Garth,' she whispered in dismay. 'I was only trying to say that I believed in you, not that you should bear everything alone. I wanted to share all your troubles, but you started hiding them from me.'

'That's why.'

Light dawned on her. 'That time you nearly lost the builder's yard and you only just managed to save it-I didn't know about that until years later.'

'You weren't supposed to find out, ever. I was trying to make everything perfect for you, as a sort of thank- you.'

'Thank-you-for what?'

'For marrying me. I was so grateful. On our wedding day-' He stopped with an awkward laugh.

'Tell me,' she said eagerly. 'Don't stop now.'

'You were five minutes late at the church and I nearly went crazy. I thought you'd taken fright and weren't coming.'

'Why should I take fright?'

'Well, you didn't really want to marry me, did you?' he said heavily. 'It was only because I made you pregnant.'

'But Garth-'

'I always knew, you see. You were so young. You wanted to laugh and have fun like other girls, and you had every right to. And because of me you ended up tied down, surrounded by a flat full of nappies. Oh, you never complained. You were very sweet about it. But it was always there between us, that I'd stolen your youth. I tried to give you everything to make up for it, but it was no good. I never really got it right, did I?'

Faye stared at him. 'You-wanted to marry me?'

'But you knew that. I did everything to get that ring on your finger.'

'Garth, I swear I didn't know. I thought I'd trapped you into marriage.'

'I never said you had.'

'No, but-you never mentioned marriage until then.'

'I didn't dare in case I frightened you off. When you told me about the baby I was thrilled because it was an excuse to make you marry me. I know I practically bullied you into it-telling you instead of asking you. But I was scared to ask in case you said no.' He gave an awkward laugh. 'You know what I'm like when I want something. I tend to grab. I grabbed you before you slipped through my fingers. I thought I'd won but I paid for it, because I was never certain of you afterwards.'

They stared at each other, with the truth between them for the first time.