Stop grumbling, old man, he told himself. There had been good times enough, girls and glory and power, more than enough if you thought how most humans had to live out their lives. Limping, he walked down one wall, running his fingers lovingly along the leather-bound spines of the books. The study was as old as the manor and had changed less; a place for the head of the family, a working room, it had escaped the great redecoration his mother had overseen as a young bride. His eyes paused as he came to his wife’s portrait. It showed her as she had been when they had pledged themselves, in that hospital on Crete, looking young and self-consciously stern in her Medical Corps uniform, doctor’s stethoscope neatly buttoned over her breast and her long brown hair drawn back in a workmanlike bun.
Mary would have helped, he thought, raising his glass to her memory. She had been better than he at . . . feelings? No, at talking about them when it was needful. She would have known what to do when Eric became too infatuated with that damned Circassian wench.
No, he thought grudgingly. Tyansha understood—better than Eric. She never tried to get him to go beyond propriety in public.
He had tried to talk to his son, but it had been useless. Maybe Mary could have got at him through the girl. Mary had been like that—always dignified, but even the housegirls and fieldhands had talked freely with her. Tyansha had frozen into silence whenever the Old Master looked at her. Tempting just to send her away, but that would have been punishing her for Eric’s fault, and a von Shrakenberg did not treat a family serf that way; honor forbade. He had been relieved when she had died naturally in childbirth, until . . .
Mary could be hard when she had to be, Karl thought. It was a tool with her, something she brought out when it was needed. Me . . . I’m beginning to think it’s like armor that I can’t take off even if I wanted to.
The Draka had made more of the differences between the sexes in his generation, although less than other peoples did. The change had been necessary—there was the work of the world to do, and never enough trustworthy hands—but there were times when he felt his people had lost something by banishing softness from their lives.
Well, I’ll just have to do my best, he thought. His hand fell on a rude-carved image on a shelf—a figurine of Thor, product of the failed attempt to revive the Old Faith back in the last century. “Even you couldn’t lift the Midgard Serpent or outwrestle the Crone Age, eh, Redbeard?”
A knock sounded. That would be his son.
Haven’t seen the inside of this very often, since I was a boy, Eric thought, looking about his father’s study. And not often under happy circumstances then. Usually a thrashing. There was nothing of that sort to await today, of course; merely a farewell. Damned if I’m going to kneel and ask his blessing, tradition or not.
The room was big and dim, smelling of leather and tobacco, open windows overshadowed by trees. Eric remembered climbing them to peer within as a boy.
Walls held books, old and leather-bound; plantation accounts running back to the founding; family records; volumes on agriculture, stockbreeding, strategy, hunting. Among them were keepsakes accumulated through generations: a pair of baSotho throwing spears nearly two centuries old, crossed over a battle-ax—relics from the land-taking. A Chokwe spirit mask from Angola, a Tuareg broadsword, a Moroccan jezail musket, an Armenian fighting-knife with a hilt of lacy silver filigree . . .
And the family portraits, back to Freiherr Augustus von Shrakenberg himself, who had led a regiment of Mecklenberg dragoons in British service in the American Revolution, and taken this estate in payment. Title to it, at least; the natives had had other ideas, until he persuaded them. Six generations of Landholders since, in uniform, mostly: proud narrow faces full of wolfish energy and cold, intelligent ferocity. Conquerors . . .
At least those were the faces they chose to show the world, he thought. A man’s mind is a forest at night. We don’t know our own inwardness, much less each other’s.
His father was standing by the cabinet, filling two brandy snifters. The study’s only trophy was above it, a black-maned Cape lion. Karl von Shrakenberg had killed it himself, with a lance.
Eric took the balloon glass and swirled it carefully to release the scent before lifting it to touch his father’s. The smell was rich but slightly spicy, complementing the room’s odors of books, old, well-kept furniture, and polished wood.
“A bad harvest or a bloody war,” the elder von Shrakenberg said, using the ancient toast.
“Prosit,” Eric replied. There was a silence, as they avoided each other’s eyes. Karl limped heavily to the great desk and sank into the armchair amid a sigh of cushions. Eric felt himself vaguely uneasy with childhood memories of standing to receive rebuke, and forced himself to sit, leaning back with negligent elegance. The brandy bit his tongue like a caress; it was the forty-year Thieuniskraal, for special occasions.
“Not too bloody, I hope,” he continued. Suddenly, there was a wetness on his brow, a feeling of things coiling beneath the surface of his mind, like snakes in black water. I should never have come back. It all seemed safely distant while I was away.
Karl nodded, searching for words. They were Draka and there was no need to skirt the subject of death. “Yes.” A pause. “A pity that it came before you could marry. Long life to you, Eric, but it would have been good to see grandchildren here at Oakenwald before you went into harm’s way. Children are your immortality, as much as your deeds.” He saw his son flinch, swore inwardly. He’s a man, isn’t he? It’s been six years since the wench died!
Eric set the glass down on the arm of his seat with immense care. “Well, you rather foreclosed that option, didn’t you, Father?”
The time-scored eagle’s face reared back. “I did nothing of the kind. Did nothing.”
“You let her die.” Eric heard the words speak themselves; he felt perfectly lucid but floating, beyond himself. Calm, a spectator. Odd, I’ve felt that sentence waiting for six years and never dared, some detached portion of himself observed.
“The first I knew of it was when they told me she was dead!”
“Which was why you buried her before I got back. Burned her things. Left me nothing!” Suddenly he was on his feet, breath rasping through his mouth.
“That was for your own good. You were a child—you were obsessed!” Karl was on his feet as well, his fist smashing down on the teakwood of the desk top, a drumbeat sound. They had never spoken of this before, and it was like the breaking of a cyst. “It was unworthy of you. I was trying to bring you back to your senses!”
“Unworthy of your blood, you mean; unworthy of that tin image of what a von Shrakenberg should be. It killed John, and it’s hounded me all my life. When it’s killed Johanna and me, will that satisfy your pride?” He saw his father’s face pale and then flush at the mention of his elder brother’s name, saw for a moment the secret fear that visited him in darkness; knew that he had scored, felt a miserable joy. The torrent of words continued.
“Obsessed? I loved her! As you’ve never loved anything in your reptile-blooded life! And you let me go a month at school without a word, if my favorite horse had died, you would have done more.”