In addition I was nearly perfectly vertical, so if I leaned back just a tad bit too much, my center of gravity would change and I could quite easily lose my grip and plummet to the ground. That ground that was so slanted, I would probably roll the entire six-hundred feet down to the floor.
I gave it a slight test, trying to see how far I could pull myself up but found it simply scared me more than it encouraged me.
Yeah, it was scary.
But even if it was scary I still had a calm mind and believed in my body, even if it was only a virtual representation of my body.
It certainly felt like my own.
Adrenaline started to build as I anticipated the quick outburst of strength, thinking to myself that I would just get it over with as my forearm had started to burn.
Doing something just to get it over with is generally a terrible decision, but thankfully a death in-game wasn't a permanent one.
The game was more forgiving of bad decisions in that way.
I liked it that way.
Within a split second I had relaxed my legs and pulled with all of my might.
Using all of the strength in my right forearm, biceps, shoulder, and back muscles as they quickly contracted and propelled me up with my left arm outstretched to its maximum and my eyes completely fixated on the edge that I had to grab for dear life.
Holding my breath, it was my moment of truth.
Nearly instantly soaring up, my eyes opened wide with fear as I gasped in the split second between a deathless death and salvation.
The edge was right there, it was right there.
Stretching my left arm out to its utmost and beyond, I was reaching, grasping for anything. With my body starting to lose momentum but still moving ever so slightly closer, I could feel contact.
I made contact.
Hooking the slight edge with only the three fingers on my left hand, with only the fingertips just barely over, I pulled.
Gripping the slight edge with my fingers, giving it all that I had, I held on for dear life as I instantly swung my right arm up and held the edge with both hands.
My legs swayed in the air from side to side as I attempted to still myself.
I had almost lost myself and I knew it, I had just barely made it.
I had gasped in that split second of fear where I wasn't sure I would make it.
I nearly didn’t.
Breathing heavily, I was now hanging on one edge with both hands and no foothold to speak of but I knew there was another edge to my left and it was only a foot above the one I held now. If I slipped, if I lost my grip, if I grew too tired to pull myself onto the next edge, I would fall to my death.
There was no possibility of survival from this height.
With such dire consequences racing through my mind I continued upwards.
Pulling myself up with both arms I quickly removed my left hand as it darted to the next edge, grabbing hold as a shiver shot down my spine. The previous jump didn't leave any time for a bodily reaction to the fear that struck, even now I was holding back on that fear as I looked to the next edge.
Repeating my previous process, I brought both hands to bear on the edge and pulled myself up just high enough to outstretch my right arm and grab hold of the next edge with my right hand.
With one arm shooting up only to be followed by the other, slowly making my way up the nearly 90-degree vertical rock face.
I felt like a mix of a ninja, a warrior, and a psychopath.
Definitely more of the latter was mixed in though.
I felt I was about 80% crazy for doing this, and would never do this again, but damn it all it was the only way right now. I couldn't be bothered with stupid thoughts and stupid distractions.
This was the last edge before the ledge.
I only needed to grab one more.
I was home free.
I could do it.
With a sudden flood of even more adrenaline, the liquid courage steadied my mind as my heart raced, oblivious to the pounding of my chest I pulled and grabbed, pulled and grabbed.
And then I pulled all the way and pressed myself up high enough to get a leg over, sliding onto the ledge and then lying on my chest; it was then that I realized I was panting quite heavily, like a dog on a hot summer's day.
But I was safe, so it didn't matter.
My heart could pound on my chest all it wanted as my mind knew that all was right.
I was safe here, for now.
As the realization of the fate I just nearly escaped started to settle in I was starting to regret my decision to take the short-route. I was starting to doubt myself. Shaking my head as if to lose the thoughts in the scramble, I yelled out loud, "Shut up you fucking pussy."
A saying came to my mind as I continued to lie on my stomach, that "Courage was fear holding on a minute longer." I didn't feel all that courageous but fear hadn't completely taken over despite the obvious fear in the moment. It wasn't about having fear, but about not giving in to it.
Yeah, I couldn't give up.
I wouldn't give up.
After regaining my composure I looked back down the roughly seventeen feet to where my bag lay. It didn't take long for me to realize that I most likely couldn't return back down the same route.
This was a one-way trip.
Even though that wasn't exactly news to me, there had remained a slight sliver of hope that I could return the way I came in case I got stuck.
That option was long gone now.
I only had enough rope to rappel down twice and then I would probably have to cut it or leave it. That simply wasn't an option.
Looking up at the rock face beside me, I felt an insurmountable feeling of being infinitesimally small. I was but a tiny speck on this mountain and this mountain was but a speck on this world. I didn't even have to think about the solar system, the galaxy, or the universe. I was small enough on this rock, right here.
Lost to my thoughts, I was suddenly snapped back to the present when a large gust of wind hit my face sending a different type of shiver shooting through my body. I was already bundled up with the warmest clothing I could buy or craft but being along the side of a mountain with only the rock wall to one side and the open… space on the other, it was exceptionally cold. As I started to pull my bag up the first of many snowflakes landed on my face.
Yeah, it had started to snow.
The snow continued to fall for the entire day as I lay curled up in a ball along the ledge some six-hundred feet from the base. My bag was but a pillow for me to cuddle with as I dare not move for fear of rolling off the side of the mountain. The width of the ledge was hardly two feet while the length was at least twenty feet across; I had plenty of room to lay straight but no room to wiggle.
By the time I had recovered my strength the snow fall had picked up, we were in the middle of winter after all. The snow-free weather from before was but a temporary respite and now I found myself at the real crux of the issue. But, it was something that would have to be overcome, and I had no intention of shirking my duty.
Standing up ever so slowly with hands grasping the small cracks in the wall so as not to lose my balance and tip over the side, I took a deep breathe to steady my mind as I looked back up the wall in front of me.
One step at a time; there was no reason to think about the two-thousand and seven-hundred feet remaining in the climb when there were only one or two feet in front of you.
The big goal is undoubtedly a nice thought, but when you're faced with constant struggle and your mind grows weary, that distant goal becomes nothing more than negativity as it fuels self-doubt and insecurity.
The way to combat that was to only think about what you could control in the moment, and to honestly not even think about that.
You simply didn't think about it, as hard as that may be.