‘He’s a Protestant, isn’t he?’
‘Yes.’ Charles shrugs. ‘As am I myself’
‘For the time being,’ I point out. ‘But a Protestant leading the army against the Dutch . . . will Louis think it a sign that you intend to delay your own conversion?’. ’
‘That is not my intention.’ Charles looks uneasy. He is always vague on the subject of exactly when he will convert. He has already written to Louis suggesting that he wishes first to discuss certain matters that may arise from it with the Pope: sadly, the Pope is too ill to travel just now.
‘If Buckingham leaves England, half the ladies in the court will have their hearts broken,’ I add teasingly. ‘Not least poor Lady Shrewsbury.’ This lady’s infatuation for him is legendary, despite or possibly because of- the fact that he killed her husband in a duel. .
Charles looks relieved. ‘Very well. I will tell him that the ladies of England cannot spare him.’
Buckingham is furious, and goes so far as to accuse the king in my hearing of being^swayed by me: the king, equally angry, tells him that the decision was his alone.
This is how it works, I am discovering: you do not tell a man what to think, you simply tell him what he himself is thinking. Nine times out of ten, he realises that he agrees.
So if I can deal with Monmouth, and Buckingham and Arlington, why not Nell Gwynne.> She claims never to have read a book, much less a play - she learns her lines by having them read aloud to her; her voice is shrill and common, although when she chooses to mimic one of the grand ladies of court she is uncannily accurate. When I hear her speaking in the voice of Elizabeth Arlington - ‘No, Bennet, we absolutely must build another house by Christmas, or we shall have to stay in the same palace two months running!’ - there is something about the mannerisms, the timing, that is both Elizabeth and yet, somehow, funnier than Elizabeth. I suppose her imitation of me must be equally accurate: I cannot see it myself.
But if she can speak like a lady when she chooses, why on earth does she not choose to all the time?
I have not cried for many months. Not for her, or for myself. But now, with the baby coming, I cry.
My honour is an invisible thing, and besides, it is sometimes possible to forget that I am dishonoured. But a baby - a child - is something tangible. Will he be known forever as a mistress’s bastard? Or will he be the son of England’s queen?
The ambassador calls on me, and in my confusion I allow myself to cry over him. The prissy fool immediately takes it upon himself to issue a rebuke.
‘It is not seemly,’ Colbert opines, ‘to speculate on the health of
Her Highness. Particularly as there is good news in that respect. It seems that her physician might have been too hasty. Dr Frazer now considers that it is not consumption she suffers from after all, but rather an over-susceptibility to pleasure.’
I cannot believe what I am hearing. ‘An over-susceptibility?’
He nods. ‘As you will be aware, the king is blessed with the means to give ladies exceptional satisfaction. It seems that the queen suffered such paroxysms of happiness when the king was with her that she bled. Now that she is relieved of the necessity of lying with him, her health is much improved.’
‘But you said—’
‘Medicine is not an exact science. Happily, in this instance.’
‘Then she is not going to die,’ I say numbly. ‘The queen is not going to die.’
‘We are aU going to die,’ he says piously. ‘But the queen can, by all accounts, look forward to many years of better health.’
‘You lied to me. You and Arlington. You told me she would die.’
He frowns. ‘I think I said at the time that it was irrelevant, since you are hardly the cloth from which queens are cut. My point is that it does not behove you to speculate any further—’
‘Behove? Behove?’ My tears have given way to rage. ‘You have done little else but speculate about such matters for years. Don’t you dare tell me what does or does not behove. My family were courtiers when yours were tilling the fields like beasts.’ A little unfair, perhaps, but I simply want to wound.
‘I will leave you,’ he says with a stiff bow. ‘I can see you are upset, and it is well known that ladies in your condition need to remain calm, for the good of the child. His Most Christian Majesty, incidentally, authorises me to pass on his personal congratulations at your great good fortune.’
Colbert. I am more determined than ever to have him recalled, but not yet: one enemy at a time.
*
I try a different approach: making friends with her. The king is away, inspecting the fleet at Portsmouth, so the court is quiet. Walking in the park amongst the other ladies, I see Nell is wearing a new dress.
I say pleasantly, ‘Why, that dress is very fine. Miss Gwynne.’
It isn’t true, of course: she has no taste or restraint; she can’t see an expensive ribbon or a piece of silver thread but jackdawlike, she must have yards of it.
She smiles back. ‘Fine enough to be a lady’s, you mean?’
‘I was wondering who your dressmaker is. You must give me her name.’
‘Why? You already look perfectly fine enough to be a whore.’ Even for the English court, this is strong talk; there are some indrawn breaths, but those around us are transfixed. Nell looks around. ‘If she is a lady of such quality, why does she demean herself to be a jade?’ she demands insouciantiy. ‘She ought to die for shame. As for me, it is my profession; I do not pretend to be anything better. And yet the king loves me as well as he does her.’
I feel a little faint, but I manage to say, ‘And such nice shoes. Your English shoemakers are the best in Europe, I think.’
I have this small victory: that whatever she says, whatever I now am, she cannot provoke me to a fight, like common fishwives. That is what my honour, my breeding, consists of these days. While I still have my manners, I am not what she is.
4
Carlo
i
To season custard with vanilla, take your vanilla^ pod and scrape out the seeds, and add them to the custard.
The Book of Ices
The pride of England sailed with its fleet, under the Duke of York’s command, an armada of sixty ships and twenty thousand men. The plan was for them to join up with the French fleet at Solebay in Suffolk, and together blockade the Dutch ports.
Yet the Dutch, although their navy was far smaller, went on the offensive. While the allied armada was still at anchor, the Dutch appeared on the horizon with the wind behind them. The allies immediately broke in two, the French ships turning tail and sailing south. The English, meanwhile, had no choice but to stay and fight. Over a thousand cannon pulverised each other for the best part of a day before the Dutch withdrew.
It was put about that the absence of the French from the battle was a simple mistake, due to poor signalling, but most Englishmen preferred a different explanation: France had wanted the English to take the brunt. It was. as they had' always feared. England was being lured into this war with the deliberate intention of leaving the country weakened, to pave the way for a Catholic invasion.
Press gangs now roamed the streets, taking any able-bodied youths they came across for the navy. Taxes had been raised, and order was only kept through a sharp increase in public floggings and hangings.
I made an ice cream of spring asparagus, packed into an asparagus-shaped mould, and contrived it so that one end of each spear
was white, the other green, just like the real thing. Charles, who loved anything that was not what it seemed, pronounced it the finest ice I had yet served. He liked to press some on his guests, to see their astonishment.
Louise, pregnant, summoned me for a different purpose. ‘Can you make me something.^ I have a hankering for sweet gherkins and a rich ice cream.’
I sighed. ‘It is well known that women in pregnancy eat curious foods. I will see what I can do.’