wrong, she had looked so hot in it.
I had never been so turned on in my entire life than when I was between her thighs, and I didn’t need that video to remember that. That moment and the way she had pulled my hair and whispered my name was burned into my brain.
The video had only served to remind me how every little move she made, how every inch of her, was pure sin.
I had let everyone else in on that fact too.
That was the only thing I could think about as I climbed into my car with Olly and Carson on my tail.
Carson had plenty to say as we drove to the other side of town. He was talking about some chick who had given him head in the bathroom, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was too busy texting every player I knew on the Clermont High baseball team. Finally, after sending five different texts, their left fielder responded with exactly where they were. The urge to ask him if Josie was still there was overpowering, but I didn’t need them seeing how pussy-whipped I was.
That fact would already be evident when we rolled up to the party and I only had eyes for her.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Carson barely looked up from his phone as he questioned me. "I know you have it bad for this girl but her dad and yours are going to kill you."
"I don't give a shit." My knee was bouncing, and I felt like I was going out of my mind. "I just want to see her."
"Carson's right, though. You need to be careful with her after everything."
"I didn't post that fucking video," I growled.
"And I believe you, but they don't. Why should they? You've made it perfectly clear that you had Lucas, and you were the one who recorded the video. Why would any of them believe that it wasn't you?" Olly looked over at me to gauge my reaction, but I didn't have anything to say.
I knew he was right. I knew that I should have kept my distance and give the girl some space, but I couldn't.
Space meant that she would just continue to hate me.
Space meant that I could do nothing to make her see the way I felt.
When we pulled up to the house, there were cars everywhere. Allie’s old Honda was parked right on the street. If Allie was here, then she was here with her. Olly parked my car behind hers, and the three of us quickly climbed
out. There was barely an ounce of alcohol running through my system, but I still felt like I was buzzing.
There is something about seeing her again, especially after the way I saw her today. With her staring up at me on her knees in front of me, I couldn’t get that image out of my head. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to.
She had looked so vulnerable and so powerful at the exact same time.
Everything about her being on her knees in front of me was bewildering and captivating. I knew that I should have lifted her the moment she fell to them, but I couldn’t. Seeing her there in front of me, imagining what she would do if we weren’t in this fucked-up place, was too much.
I shouldn’t have allowed her to do it. I was attempting to apologize for something that I knew was unforgivable, but she was the most enthralling person that I had ever met.
The music blared from the house, and I could barely hear myself think as we pushed through the slightly ajar front door. There were people everywhere with drinks in their hands and smiles on their faces.
I scanned the crowd and looked for her. Every face was disposable if it wasn’t hers. It didn’t matter that most of them smiled at me as I walked by or a lot of the guys from the team tried to get my attention, I was only interested in finding her.
I heard her laugh before I even saw her. She was standing at a long table with Allie at her side, and Will and one of his buddies were standing at the other end of the beer pong table. I stepped back and watched her, the way she smiled at him, the way she laughed. She looked so carefree and happy, and if I wasn’t selfish, I would’ve walked away right then.
Will was the good guy. I had always liked him, but now he was starting to grate on my nerves. There were far too many times when I had seen Josie with him, and every time she was smiling at him like he somehow mattered to her.
And she never smiled at me like that.
I knew that she had felt things for me before I fucked everything up, I would’ve been a complete idiot if I hadn’t noticed that. But it didn’t come easy. The way she was looking at Will with her dimple was present on her right cheek, I had never brought that out in her.
Most of the time, she was angry with me, and even though she was beautiful when she was laughing, I loved seeing the fire in her eyes when she was worked up.
I hadn’t seen that fire in her eyes when she was looking at anyone else.
That was reserved for me and me alone, and even though Will could make her smile at the drop of a hat, I still felt like there was a part of herself that she had only shown to me. That she had given to me without even realizing it.
And that fact made me feel more selfish than I already was.
I felt barbaric and territorial, and I knew that she would hate both of those things. If I wasn’t careful, I would have her running harder from me than she already was, but I didn’t feel like I could be careful with her.
The cold, calculated part of me felt like it was going haywire. I could barely think when it came to her, let alone make a plan, and I sure as hell couldn’t sit back and wait for things to happen the way I needed them to.
With her, I felt too irrational.
It didn’t matter what Frankie or my dad or even my mom said. It didn’t matter that Olly, and even Carson, thought this was a bad idea. I couldn’t stay away from her.
She had been drinking. That was clearly evident by the way her hips swayed to the music and the way she seemed to not give a shit who was around her.
Because even though she normally liked to pretend she didn’t care, she did. These people knew what we had done, they had seen it firsthand, and I knew that it bothered her. She already hated that they thought they knew her simply based on who her father was, she had hated me for that too, but this was different.
They had gotten to see an intimate side of her that she hadn’t given to them willingly, and I knew she blamed me for that. I was to blame.
And that was all that mattered.
But she didn’t seem to care about any of that tonight.
She grabbed the ping-pong ball and dipped it in the cup of water before she lined up for her shot. She smiled at Will before she laughed, and I clenched my jaw so tightly I thought my teeth would snap.
"I’m getting pretty good at this." She teased him, and I saw the way his eyes lit up as he looked at her.
Will wasn’t some dirtbag. He wouldn’t take advantage of her, but he would take advantage of my fuck-up. Josie wanted nothing to do with me, and she was smiling at him. He wouldn’t let that opportunity pass him by.
He would be an idiot if he did.
"You are." He leaned forward on the table, his hands resting on either side of the triangle of cups. "I might just have to recruit you for the baseball team." He winked at her, and I clenched my fingers into a fist.
My heart was racing in my chest as my eyes scanned over her. She was so damn beautiful. I was staring at her, and she hadn’t seen me. She had no idea that I was there, and it felt so odd watching her be so carefree.
"What? Do you all need help smoking Beck’s ass?" She lifted the ball into the air with a grin on her face, and I cocked my head as I stared at her.
Even though she was here with him, she was still thinking about me.
Will opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but I beat him to it. "Will hasn’t smoked my ass in years."