"If you don’t want to kiss me, that’s fine. I can go right back into that party and find someone better. I can go find Will." She turned on her heels and started to walk away from me. The thought of her walking through that door and putting her gorgeous fucking lips on anyone else enraged me. My heart felt like a caged animal inside my chest, and I had no control over my body as I reached out and grabbed her hand. I pulled her back into me before she could get out of my reach. Her back hit my chest in a rush, and my breath left my lungs. Her breathing was harsh against me, and I could feel every push and pull as she tried to calm herself down.
But I had no intentions of letting her go. "I have no intentions of letting you walk into that party and kissing somebody else. I don't care if it's Will or any other guy. You are mine whether you know it or not, and I hate that I need to remind you of that fact."
I hated that I made her question the fact at all.
I wasn’t here to ruin her night. I just needed to see her. But coming here was a mistake.
As much as I tried to pretend like I wasn’t selfish, that I wanted what was best for her, I couldn’t let her just walk in there and find somebody who wasn’t me.
"Don’t say shit like that unless you want me to go in there and wreck Will’s face."
Her hips moved the slightest bit, and I felt her clenching her thighs together. She may have hated me, but the thought of her driving me mad, of her driving me to violence turned her on.
"I am not yours." She turned her head and stared up at me. "You've already wrecked me. But that's what you do, isn't it? You just fucking wreck people."
She was right. It was what I did. I wrecked her, and I hurt my sister in the process. I had disappointed my parents, and it was all for nothing.
"You just use them however you want, then you throw them away when you’re done."
"Is that what you think I’m doing? Just throwing you away?" My hands spasmed around her arms, and her lips parted as she stared at me.
"Isn’t it?"
"No." I shook my head. "I’m not fucking finished with you."
She pressed her hand into my thigh and her fingers dug into my jeans as if she was trying to hold on for dear life. "Then prove it, Beck."
I should have done the noble thing. I should have walked away from her and let her enjoy her night regardless of who she chose to spend it with, but I couldn’t.
It didn’t matter that I knew it was wrong. I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to hers. She moaned at the contact, the tiniest little sound, but it was the only reassurance I needed.
I wrapped my hand in her hair, and I gripped the long strands as I held her mouth to mine. Her teeth raked against my bottom lip and I knew she was as desperate as I was for whatever the hell was happening between us.
I opened my mouth, and she deepened the kiss before I could even consider it. Her back was still to me, but it didn’t stop her. She kissed me as if she had been dying for it since the moment I hurt her. She kissed me as if she thought she could erase every bit of her hate for me right there between our lips.
She turned in my arms, and I kept my hand buried in her hair as she reached for me. She tangled her fingers into my t-shirt, and she tugged me closer to her. There wasn’t an inch of room between us, and I knew that she wanted it that way. She wanted this as badly as I did.
"Beck," she whispered my name, and it was like every ounce of restraint that I held on to left my body. I couldn’t do the noble thing when she said my name like that. I couldn’t think, let alone make a conscious decision to walk
away from her.
I held her tighter against me as I devoured her mouth. Our kiss wasn’t gentle, it was all teeth and tongue and a desperate chase to find something in one another.
Neither one of us cared that this was a bad idea, those fears were long gone, but I knew that they would return after we stopped. The way she hated me would return the moment her lips left mine, and I wasn’t ready for that to happen.
I was desperate to keep this moment between us alive.
I was desperate to feel her and for her to feel something for me.
I never wanted it to stop. I knew that it would, I knew that it had to, but I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind as I hopelessly clung to this moment in front of us.
I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, and she moaned into my mouth.
She pressed her hips into mine, and I knew that I should stop this. This felt like more than just a kiss. Neither one of us wanted to stop, neither of us cared who was around, and I knew that taking this any further would be a mistake.
But it was a mistake I was willing to make. Because no matter what I did, no matter how much I messed up, I knew that I would never regret her.
Even as fucked up as it was, I would never regret what happened between us.
"Josie," I whispered her name against her lips, but it did nothing but spur her on.
Her hands clung tighter to me, and her body begged me for more even though she didn’t say it out loud. But I doubted she ever would. Josie may not have been anything like her family, but she still had their pride. I had hurt her, and she would be damned if she begged me for something ever again.
And I knew that when I pushed her away, when I stopped this, it was going to hurt her even further. It didn’t matter that it was the right thing to do, that it was honorable, she would hate it and she would hate me for doing it.
It would do nothing but fuel her hatred for me.
I pushed slightly against your shoulders, and she clung to me even tighter.
She knew that I was about to stop us. I was about to stop whatever mistake we were willing to make, and she hated that idea as much as I did.
Her kiss felt desperate, full of longing and pent-up aggression, and in the back of my mind, it somehow felt like goodbye. There was a part of me that
thought when I stopped this she would never kiss me again.
But I still had to torture us both and put an end to what we were doing.
"Josie, we have to stop."
She finally looked up at me as she pulled her mouth from mine, and there was so much anger staring back at me that was faintly veiled with lust. She took a stumbling step, away from me, and I reached out to steady her. She jerked out of my touch so quickly you would have thought she never wanted to be there.
"Princess." I couldn’t just let her walk away and think I was stopping this because I didn’t want her. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything before.
Her gaze has slipped down to my lips before snapping back to my eyes.
"Don’t fucking call me that."
"Calm down." I looked around and noticed a couple of people who are now staring at us, and I tried to reach out for her again. I knew that I should have been groveling, I should have been begging for her forgiveness, but there was something about her that made me feel as angry as she was.
I knew that I was in the wrong. I knew that I was the one who completely fucked everything up, but she refused to give me a chance to explain. And her kissing me, her falling into my arms, did nothing to help how badly I wanted her.
If she wanted me to walk away, then I would do it. No part of me believed that was what she really wanted. Not with the way her body has clung to mine as if it was meant to be there or the way her lips traced mine as if she would never feel that feeling again.
We both wanted each other, but our want didn’t matter.
What I had done to her was the only thing she could see when she was looking at me like she was. I was the traitor, the villain, and even though she wanted me, she hated me more.