"I don’t know." He shook his head. "Frankie was telling her that she was glad they talked, though. She got spooked the moment I walked up."
"That’s it? That’s all they said." I wanted to know everything. Every word that was exchanged between them. Did Josie approach her? Did Josie ask her about what she had found out about her stepbrother?
"Well, Josie made a comment that she’d be seeing Frankie as long as her brother wasn’t around." Olly laughed, and I couldn’t help smiling just thinking about Josie’s sass.
I could imagine her saying just that.
"Of course she did." I chuckled and couldn’t stop thinking of her.
"So what’s the deal with her anyway?" Carson had his fingers wrapped around the edge of his board, and even though he was trying to act nonchalant, I knew both of them well enough to know they were dying to
know my answer.
They had known my plan for her, known what I was capable of when it came to Lucas, but neither of them knew what to think now. They had no idea where my head was at, and neither did I. It felt so fucked up that I didn’t even know how to explain it. I had accomplished exactly what I wanted with Josie, and I regretted every second of it.
I regretted it, and I never thought I would.
"There is no deal." It wasn’t exactly a lie. I had no idea what was going on with us. She was adamant that she wanted nothing to do with me, but everything about her screamed otherwise.
"When the hell are you gonna stop lying?" Olly didn’t look toward me as he spoke. He just stared out toward the water as if he was lost in his own head. "You know we can sniff out that bullshit faster than it takes for you to say it."
"What do you want me to say? That I was an idiot who pushed Josie away, who fucking forced her away, and now I wanted her back?" I ran my wet fingers through my hair.
"Well, that would be a start." Olly finally looked over at me, and there is a small smirk on his face. "Admitting you have a problem is the first step."
I rolled my eyes at him, but he was right. I had no idea why I was trying to keep this from them. We never kept anything from each other. Hell, I knew things about Carson that another person should never know. But each of us had our own secrets too. I knew that.
"Do you really think she’s going to forgive you?" Carson asked, and I knew it was a fair question. She had no reason to forgive me.
If she was smart, she wouldn’t.
"If I was her I wouldn’t, but I hope she does."
Olly drummed his fingers against his board, and he looked like he was hesitating with what he was saying next. "Are you sure that it was Lucas who posted the video?"
"Who the fuck else would it be?"
He lifted his hands in defense. "I’m just asking. I just can’t understand why he would want to do this to her. Like, what did he get out of it?"
It was the same question I’ve been asking myself every day. The question ran over and over through my mind.
What did Lucas have to gain from hurting Josie?
The only logical answer I could come up with is that he took her away
from me. I had given him the keys to do so, and he took full advantage of it. I should’ve known that he would use it against me from the beginning, but I have been so stuck on hurting him, on making him pay in any way possible, that I completely underestimated his ability not to give a shit.
He just simply didn’t care. There was no other explanation for it.
But part of me rebelled against that thought. Even through everything Lucas had done, even through all the hate I carried for him, he had once been my friend, and I never could have imagined him doing anything like this.
"Besides making her want nothing to do with me, I don’t know."
He seemed to think about what I had just said, and I knew that it didn’t sit well with him either.
Olly and Carson had been friends with Lucas, too, before everything happened, and they were forced to choose between their two friends. Neither of them hesitated when they found out what he had done, but I knew that it still took a toll on them.
"I guess." Olly shook his head. "It still just doesn’t make any sense. After everything he got away with, you would think he’d keep his fucking head down and his nose clean."
"You would think, but I didn’t keep my nose clean either."
"That’s different." Carson chimed in. "You didn’t sexually assault anyone."
Olly and I both winced as he said the words. We all knew what happened to Frankie. It stared us in the face every single day, but I still hated hearing those words out loud.
They were a blaring reminder of how badly I had failed her.
"No. I just made her fall for me then exploited her."
"It’s not the same," Olly echoed Carson’s thoughts. "You were in the fucking wrong, but it’s still not the same."
"Frankie hates what I did."
"Of course, she does." Olly’s words were muffled by the rise and fall of a harsh wave beneath us. "I don’t know how you thought your plan could end in any other way."
He was right. He had told me the same damn thing before I had even gone through with it, but I hadn’t listened.
"But she’ll forgive you. She always has." Olly was right. Frankie did always forgive me, regardless of what fucked-up thing I did.
"We should take Frankie to do something. Cheer her up," Carson said just
as he laid down on his stomach on his board.
"Like what?" Frankie hadn’t wanted to do much of anything lately.
"I don’t know. Shopping or something."
"She would hate that. It would just force her to be around more people when she doesn’t have to be." Olly shook his head.
"Then what do you suggest?"
"We could take her up to the cabin like we used to. She used to love that when we were younger."
"Yeah." I nodded. "She did." We had spent so many nights at my parents’
cabin during our summers growing up that it had become a second home.
Frankie would never let me go with the boys without her tagging along, but I really didn’t mind.
Not until I found girls and invited them to our trips instead of her.
Guilt lashed at me.
There were so many things that I had pushed her away from. That I had thought I was too damn cool to have my younger sister with me. I wish that party that night had been one of those things.
"Let’s plan something."
"Okay, but first we need some water therapy." Carson looked behind him at the large wave that was headed our way and he started paddling as soon as he caught the swell.
He was right. I needed to get lost in the ocean beneath me, and not think about everything that was going on. I needed just a few minutes where I didn’t have to think about how fucked up everything was.
It was just me, my boys, and the ocean, and the task of riding the waves.
Nothing else mattered at that moment. Nothing could reach me.
That was what I told myself as I paddled forward and tried to catch the next swell, but the thoughts of Josie wouldn’t stop. Not even the ocean could chase them away.
CHAPTER NINE
JOSIE
"Idon’t really care what you want, Josie. Your wants have gotten you into enough trouble already." My father’s voice was stern, and I knew that I didn’t have any room to argue.
But I didn’t want to do this.
I didn’t care if his damn party was for charity or not.
"I don’t want to go." I stomped my foot like a bratty-ass toddler, and I knew that I was being ridiculous.
"It doesn’t matter." My father slammed his hand down on the counter between us, and I flinched at the contact. "You are a part of this family, and as such, you are expected to attend these things. Amelia will buy you a dress, and we will arrive at the gala as a family."