"I’m sorry about my mom. I didn’t realize we were going to get all of this or we would’ve gone somewhere else."
Allie’s mom laughed, and I knew that she was enjoying embarrassing her daughter. "And where would you have gone, Allie? Is there some boy I should know about?"
Allie rolled her eyes, and I knew this was probably a constant subject.
"I’m almost convinced that she wants me to date more than she wants me to graduate high school."
"Well, all she does is work. She’s too good. She needs to break a few rules every now and then."
Allie looked over her shoulder at her mother like she was crazy. "I’ll
remember that when you get a call at midnight saying I’m in jail."
"I didn’t say you had a go out and murder someone. But maybe just quit pining for Carson Hale and meet somebody new."
What?
Allie’s gaze snapped to mine, and I was shocked to hear what her mom said. I knew that there had been something going on between her and Carson, but I would have never guessed that she was the one who was pining after him.
They always seemed like they couldn’t stand to be around each other.
"I am not pining after Carson." Allie’s words were firm, but even I heard the lie in them. Whatever the deal was with her and Carson, she had feelings for him whether she wanted to admit it or not.
"Okay, dear." Allie’s mom set two drinks down in front of us and winked at me.
"Hello." A masculine voice boomed through the small house.
"Oh. Thank God." Allie leaned back in her chair just as her father walked into the kitchen.
He looked nothing like my father did when he got home from work. His jeans were worn and covered in dust, and his shirt had splatters of paint and dust covering it.
"There are my two favorite girls." He didn’t hesitate or even notice me as he wrapped his arms around Allie’s mom and pulled her into him. She didn’t fight him either. Her body sank into his as he held her, and I had to look away as he kissed her like he had missed her every dang second that he had been gone.
"Keep it PG. We have company." Allie grumbled with a smile on her face, and I wondered if she knew how lucky she was to have this. To have these parents.
"My house. My rules." Her dad’s words were muffled against her mom’s cheek, but then he let her go with a kiss to the forehead before he turned toward us. "And who is this?"
"Dad, Josie. Josie, my dad."
I nodded in his direction. "It’s nice to meet you."
"You too. Are you the one who has a group science project with Allie?"
He assessed me, but her mom interrupted him.
"No. She’s the one who goes to Prep and has a thing for bad boys."
I could feel the blush creep up my cheeks as he laughed and Allie
groaned.
"We’re going to my room." Allie grabbed my hand, and I quickly stood from the table to follow her.
"Don’t be influencing my baby into liking bad boys too." Her dad called after us, and the lightness in his voice told me that he was joking.
"No. Please, do. Teach her your ways." Her mom’s voice carried down the hall, but Allie closed the door before I could hear another word.
"I’m so sorry." Allie leaned against the door as I took a seat on her half-made bed.
Her room was small but filled to the brim with a life’s worth of things, and I loved every inch of it.
"It’s okay. Your parents are funny."
"Please don’t let them hear you say that. They already call themselves the cool parents." She held up her fingers and made exaggerated air quotes.
Allie climbed on the bed beside me and the two of us stared up at the ceiling that had a couple of dozen plastic glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to it.
"What happened? You look off."
"You first." I turned my head and looked over at her. "Pining after Carson?"
"Ugh, my mom." She growled. "I am not pining after him."
"But?"
"But I used to have a thing for him. A long time ago. My mom thinks I’m not over it."
"Are you over it?" I asked hesitantly. Allie didn’t owe me any kind of explanation, but I wanted to be here for her. I wanted her to want to talk to me about these things.
"Honestly, I don’t know." She shook her head, and I knew that she didn’t want to talk about this. "What about you?"
"I had sex with Beck."
Her gaze snapped to mine, and if I didn’t feel so much concern rolling off her, I would have laughed. "Again, or are we talking about the first time?"
"Again." I slammed my hands down over my face and tried to make sense of what I was going to say. "I wasn’t planning on it. It just happened."
"Umm… I’m no expert, but I don’t think sex just happens. You don’t slip and fall on someone’s dick."
I couldn’t help the laugh that stormed out of me. The bed shook beneath us as Allie laughed with me.
"It wasn’t exactly an accident, more of a seduction."
She leaned up on her elbow and looked down at me. "You seduced him?"
"Other way around." I swirled my finger in the air. "I’m not even sure if he meant to. It’s just who he is."
"He is so hot." She dropped back down to the bed. "Well, was it worth it?"
Yes. No. I had no clue in hell. "The sex was worth it, but I don’t know about the aftermath."
I didn’t wait for Allie to respond. "Cami told me what really happened between Lucas and Frankie."
Allie turned on her side and tucked her hand under her head. "What did she say?"
"Basically that Lucas assaulted Frankie. Apparently, Frankie used to have a thing for him, and he did things to her while she was drunk at a party and his friends recorded it."
"That’s so fucked up. I knew that he, Beck, Carson, and Olly all used to be close, but I didn’t know about that."
"Like, part of me didn’t want to believe it. You know? I just wanted to bury my head in the sand and pretend like it really didn’t happen. But I ran into Frankie after school, and I knew that it did. As soon as I looked at her, I knew it in my gut."
"I’m sorry, Josie." Allie’s voice was soft and made my chest ache.
"What are you sorry for?"
"That you had to find this out about your stepbrother. That Beck used you to get back at him. That you’re caught in the middle."
I knew that she was right, but not one part of me deserved that sympathy.
"The most fucked up thing is that I understand why Beck did what he did.
I’m not saying it’s right. He really fucking hurt me, but I feel like I understand where his head is at."
"That doesn’t make it right."
"No." I shook my head and concentrated on the stars above me. "But it doesn’t make me hate him either. I honestly just feel so confused."
Allie laid beside me silently for a few minutes before she finally spoke again. "I think you really like Beck and that’s why everything feels confusing. You don’t want him to not have a reason to have done what he did because then you’d be forced to not forgive him."
I thought about what she said, and I knew that she was right. Even though
I continued to tell myself over and over that I hated him, I really wanted to forgive him for what I did. "He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness, though." It sounded more like a question than a statement.
"That’s up to you and no one else. Do you believe what he said about not being the one to share the video?"
"I don’t know." I turned on my side and faced her. "Like, part of me does, but I don’t know if that’s the part that wants it to be true. But regardless, he still took that video and sent it to Lucas. Even if the video was never shared, that is bad enough."
"It is." She nodded.