All three of them jerked around in my direction as if they hadn’t even heard the door open before Frankie started laughing all over again.
"I’m trying to get these two loudmouths into Frankie’s room." Allie was grinning, but she was the only one who seemed to have her shit together.
"Don’t mind us." She waved me off. "Go right back to bed."
"Why don’t you let me help you?" I walked past all three of them and opened Frankie’s door. Her room had looked the same for as long as I could remember, and there were piles of clothes thrown everywhere from where she was trying to decide what to wear earlier tonight.
The three of them walked into the room behind me, and Josie didn’t dare look in my direction. She and Frankie were still holding hands, and I didn’t know how I felt about that. I didn’t know why I couldn’t take my eyes off of where their hands were clasped together.
"Do you know where her pajamas are?" Allie asked as she pushed her hair out of her face and looked up at me. "Her clothes are still damp."
I walked to Frankie’s dresser and threw three old t-shirts and three pairs of shorts onto the bed. "What the hell did you all get into?"
"A little of this and a little of that," Allie said nonchalantly.
"Girl code, Beck." Frankie plopped down on her bed before looking over at me. "We’re not telling you anything."
Josie snorted out a laugh, and Frankie quickly followed suit. They had clearly been drinking, and I couldn’t bring myself to be mad about it. Frankie was so damn happy.
"Fine. Girl code." I pointed to the three of them, but Josie was still looking anywhere but at me. "I’m going back to bed. Do you think you three can get into bed without waking up the entire house?"
"We’ve got this." Allie saluted me. "We’re sorry we woke you up, but actually I’m not." She shook her head and smirked at me. "You hurt my best friend."
Josie laughed again, but this time her gaze finally met mine.
"And I’m sorry that I hurt your best friend." I didn’t let my eyes move an inch away from hers. I was standing in the middle of my little sister’s room in nothing but my underwear, but I just wanted to tell her how sorry I was again
and again.
I wanted to say it until she finally heard it. Until she believed me.
"That’s not good enough, pretty boy." Allie snapped her fingers, and I jerked my gaze away from Josie. "Now bye-bye."
Damn. Allie had always been on my side, but not anymore. I held up my hands in surrender and walked toward the door. "Okay. You all have fun. The bathroom is through there." I pointed to the door at the far edge of Frankie’s room.
None of them acknowledged me again as I stepped out of her room and slowly shut the door behind me.
I could hear them laughing again as I walked back into my room, and the sound was barely muffled when I closed my door. I leaned my back against the hardwood and took a deep breath.
Josie was in my house. She was so damn close but still so far away.
I wanted to march back in there and drag her back here with me, but I knew I wouldn’t. If I wanted Josie to forgive me, then I couldn’t be a barbaric idiot who demanded things from her that I didn’t deserve.
Even though every part of me screamed for me to do so.
I pushed off the door and walked across my dark room to climb into bed.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her and wondering what they were doing across the hall, but before I knew it, my eyes were feeling heavy again, and sleep found me even though I tried to deny it.
I didn’t know how much time had passed when I felt a weight press down on my mattress and warm skin sliding against mine. I blinked my eyes open, lack of sleep taking its toll on me, but all I saw was a mess of brown hair against my chest.
"Josie?" I shifted, but her arm was wrapped around my stomach and she tightened her hold. "Is everything okay?"
I reached down and pushed some hair out of her face so I could get a clear view of her. She blinked up at me, sleep filling her own gaze, before nuzzling into my chest.
"Can we just not make a big deal out of this?" Her breath puffed in and out against my chest, and I wrapped my arm around her back.
"Okay." I tried to control my racing heart because I knew she could hear it beneath where she laid. I tentatively raised my other hand and ran it down her hair. "Did you all have fun tonight?"
"Mmhmm," she hummed against my skin as she nodded her head softly.
We were silent for a few minutes, and I thought she might be asleep.
"Frankie was so happy tonight."
"Before or after the drinking?" I chuckled.
"Both." She tightened her arm on me. "I think she just needed a night away from everything."
"Away from me." Frankie would never say that, but I knew that I had been overbearing since everything had happened with Lucas. She hadn’t been the same since then, and I hadn’t treated her the same since that moment passed.
I couldn’t.
Even though I had tried.
I just couldn’t let go of the guilt that felt like it was eating me alive.
"No." Josie shook her head. "I think just away from everything. I think she just feels lost."
I knew Josie was right, but hearing those words out loud made me feel helpless.
"I know. I just don’t know what to do to help her."
Josie leaned up and rested her chin on my chest. She looked up at me, and even though she had been drinking earlier, they looked so perfectly clear now. "I don’t think you need to do anything besides be there for her and maybe stop babying her. She needs to know that she can take care of herself."
"I can do that." I nodded and stared down at her. I couldn’t stop my gaze from falling to her lips, and it took everything inside of me not to lean forward the slightest bit and take her mouth with mine. "We should get some sleep."
She nodded gently but didn’t move another inch. "We should."
She pushed up on an elbow, her body pressing closer to mine, and her mouth moving minutely forward.
"Josie." I searched her eyes, but they were roaming over my mouth, along my jaw, down my chest.
"Yeah?" She sounded so breathless, and it did nothing but make me want her even more.
"We can’t do this."
"Why not?" She still wasn’t looking at me.
"Because." I ran my hand through my hair and tried to remember the reason I thought this was a bad idea.
"Yeah?" she asked again and ran her soft hand over my chest.
"Because I hurt you and you haven’t forgiven me." Neither one of us needed me to say that out loud. We both knew the truth.
But I needed her to hear it. I needed her to know that I couldn’t keep doing this when she hated me. I wanted her to forgive me for what I had done, it was the only way that I would ever get more from her, and I didn’t want to take these small moments she was willing to give me because I was desperate for something.
I knew it would just make her hate me more and more.
"I don’t need to forgive you for this." She pushed further against me and raised her lips to mine. I grabbed ahold of her shoulders and held her in place.
"We’re not doing this. You’ve been drinking and you’ll hate me in the morning."
"I’ll hate you in the morning anyway." Her voice was soft, and I knew that she wasn’t trying to be cruel. She was just being honest.
I lifted my hand, pushing a stray hair out of her face, and let my touch linger against her cheek. There were so many things I wanted to say to her but none of them would be appropriate. None of them she would believe.
"You’re so beautiful."
She looked up at me, and I knew that she wanted to say something. "I don’t need all of that, Beck. I just want you to touch me."