"I do too." Beck lifted one of his hands and ran it through his hair. He barely seemed to notice the water that dripped down his face as he seemed to be lost in his head. "I can't get past that hate either. No matter how hard I try.
I can't get past the fact that I trusted him and he did that to her."
"I know."
"No." He shook his head before looking back at me. "It’s something I really need you to understand. I want to be with you, but I will always hate Lucas and your father. There will never be a time when I will get along with them. It’s not something I’m capable of."
"I don’t need you to like them to be with me." I could feel myself moving closer to him as he talked, like something inside me was so drawn to him.
"You can hate them for the rest of your life, but you can’t hold what they’ve done against me. You can never use it against me again."
"I won’t." He looked so sincere, but I needed to make myself clear.
"I’m not kidding, Beck. I know that Lucas hurt you and you have every right to hate him and to want revenge, but I can never be a part of that. If you want me to give you a chance, you have to let go of the idea that I belong to them at all."
"Are you saying you are going to give me a chance?" He laced his fingers with mine and pulled me impossibly closer to him.
"Can you look past the fact that my last name is Vos?" I hated that I even had to ask that question, but it was my biggest fear. Regardless of how he thought he felt about me right now, I needed to know that he could separate me from the hate he had for my family. I needed to know that I wouldn’t be paying for the sins of my father for the rest of my life.
"That’s a stupid question. Of course, I can."
"It’s not stupid." I shook my head and grounded myself in my resolve.
"You couldn’t before. You hurt me because you couldn’t see past that."
"You’re right. But I see past it now. I’m sorry I couldn’t see past it then.
I’m sorry that I was such an asshole."
"I suspect you’ll still be an asshole, though."
He smiled, the first glimpse of relief on his beautiful face. "I would say
you’re probably right. I think it’s a bit of a personality trait at this point."
"Absolutely." I laughed and pulled away from him. "I don’t know if I’d even like you anymore if you weren’t an asshole."
"Ha ha." He swam toward me, but I was still moving away. "I’m a nice guy."
"You most certainly are not."
He caught up to me quickly and pulled me back to him until my chest pressed against his. "I am." He nuzzled his nose against my neck, and I couldn’t stop myself from opening up for him.
"You’re not."
"But you’re still going to give me another chance regardless?" He pressed a featherlight kiss against my skin.
"I am." I nodded and ran my fingers through his hair.
"You won’t regret it." He pulled back to look at me, and I knew he truly believed that. I may not have trusted Beck fully or even fully forgiven him, but I knew that what he said now wasn’t a lie. He would do whatever it took to make me not regret my decision to be with him, and I really hoped that I wouldn’t.
Because I didn’t know if I would survive being broken by him again.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
JOSIE
Ifollowed Beck step for step into the cafeteria. Not that he gave me any choice. My hand was securely held in his as he pulled me along.
Everyone turned in our direction as we walked in, and I knew what they were all thinking.
There was no hiding what had happened between us.
It was just me and him and the rest of this damn school that was in on our business, and even though I had made the decision to forgive him for what he did, that thought still ate me alive.
As soon as Cami’s gaze landed on us, I tried to pull my hand from Beck’s, but he didn’t budge. He held my hand firmly in his and pulled me forward as if he didn’t even feel my hesitancy.
We walked up to the table he normally sat at, a table I never would have even walked near, and he sat down and pulled me down beside him as if it was the most normal thing ever.
I pulled my lunch from my bag as everyone watched us, and I tried to keep my trembling fingers to myself. I knew the moment I gave into Beck that he wouldn’t be able to not make this more than it was.
He was incapable of being subtle. The boy was all or nothing, and right now, I hated that fact about him.
"What’s up?" Olly pulled out the chair across from me and didn’t act one bit affected by me being there.
"Hi," I replied hesitantly, and quickly unscrewed the lid on my water bottle.
"Coach talk to you?"
"Yeah," Beck replied as he took a bite of his sandwich. His hand slid under the table and squeezed my knee. I knew that no one else could see it, but my legs still tightened together and my back straightened. "He gave me shit about missing. Apparently, I’m going to have an extra grueling practice today."
"He can’t be mad at you for being sick."
"Was he sick, though?" Olly cocked his head to the side. "The reports I’m getting are that he skipped with a certain someone because neither of you were at school."
"And where exactly do you get your reports?"
"Frankie," Beck said, and his hand tightened on my knee. "Those two are like a couple of gossiping old women."
Olly shrugged his shoulders and didn’t deny it for a moment. I kind of loved that about him.
Frankie walked up before anyone could say another word and pulled out the chair beside Olly. Her eyes practically twinkled as she looked between me and her brother, and I kicked under the table to get her to stop with the lovey eyes.
"Ow," Olly hissed before looking under the table.
"Oh, shit. Sorry." I laughed.
"I think that was meant for me," Frankie whispered to Olly as she laughed. "So, how has your day been?"
I had been texting with her and Allie all morning so she knew exactly how my day had been, but the small smile on her face told me she was enjoying watching me be uncomfortable next to her brother.
"It’s been good. You?" Beck leaned back in his chair and pulled his hand from my knee, only to move it behind my shoulders. The smell of his cologne was smoky and sinful, and it shouldn’t have been allowed on high school boys in the middle of school. It did nothing but make me want to taste every inch of his skin.
I didn’t know how they expected anyone to concentrate when they had boys who smelled that damn good walking around.
I leaned back against his arm just slightly as he tugged my chair closer to him, and I looked up at his handsome face. He had shaved this morning, his sharp jaw perfectly smooth, and I wanted to lean forward and press a kiss to his skin.
"It’s been good. Pretty uneventful." I wasn’t listening to Frankie. I was
too busy staring at Beck. "Until now."
"Oh hey, Cami." I pulled my gaze away from Beck as soon as I processed Olly’s words.
Cami was standing at the end of the table, and her gaze was directly on Beck. She didn’t care that Olly had just spoken to her. She clearly had no time for niceties. She was looking at Beck like he owed her something, and every part of me wanted to pull away from him while simultaneously make sure that she knew he was mine.
It was the most confusing and maddening thing ever.
"Beck." Her voice was so firm as she said his name. So damn demanding.