Even if I tried to make her. She wouldn’t see past what she wanted to see with Cami, and I couldn’t blame her.
Cami had created that.
Cami had made people hate her because it was her way of staying on top.
It was her way of making others fear her so they never got too close.
And Josie would never understand.
But I couldn’t leave Cami because I knew Josie would hate it. I couldn’t leave her in the hands of her cruel fucking father, with nothing to protect her.
It was the reason that I always fell back into this damn cycle with her. No matter what she did or what she said, I couldn’t not protect her.
I couldn’t just walk away from the girl, even if I loved someone else.
But Josie didn’t need to know about me being here. Nothing was going to happen between Cami and me, so I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
But it still felt wrong. The urge to run from her room and straight to Josie was overwhelming. But I couldn’t.
No matter how badly I wanted to. I couldn’t.
"Let’s just watch a movie, Cam." I nodded toward her massive TV. "We haven’t hung out in forever."
A small smile lit up her face, and I felt so much damn guilt that that was all it took.
"We haven’t." She grabbed the remote before hopping in her bed and pulling her blanket over her legs.
I should have left.
But she looked up at me and she looked so content and happy, and I couldn’t do any more harm to this girl who pretended to have it all. Her parents would cause enough harm to her for a lifetime.
So, I leaned back in the chair and tried my hardest to swallow the guilt that I felt was suffocating me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
JOSIE
W ork was slower than usual.
Allie wasn’t here tonight, and I had no one to talk to besides the few tables that still lingered in my section.
And chatting it up with old men who were on their fifth scotch for the night was not at the top of my to-do list.
Instead, I was leaning against the bar and checking my phone for the hundredth time. Beck had barely text me since we got out of school, and even though that wasn’t exactly abnormal, things felt different now.
And he text me all day today during school.
But I was being crazy. I tucked my phone back into my apron and resisted the urge to text him. He was probably with his friends. He may have even been getting things ready for our cabin trip tomorrow.
Apparently, it was just going to be him, Carson, Olly, and Frankie, but he seemed more than excited over the idea of me and Allie joining them. I was excited about the idea of it too.
I wanted nothing more than to spend the weekend away with Beck where there was no one around to have any expectations or demands of us. There would be no one there to judge me for falling for the guy who had irrevocably hurt me.
But even knowing that, I couldn’t help thinking that maybe Beck really did mean what he said. Maybe he really was sorry for everything that happened.
I was more than shocked by what Cami had said, but part of me didn’t believe her. It wasn’t that I didn’t think she was capable of doing exactly
what she said she did, but I just didn’t understand her motive.
Did she truly want Beck for herself when she was sleeping with another?
Or multiple others, according to her.
I just didn’t get it.
Cami felt threatened, but I didn’t know where she saw the threat. I didn’t understand how a girl like her who had everything she could ever want could ever be threatened by anything.
But she was.
There was no other explanation for it.
She wanted me out of Beck’s life, and she was almost successful. If I was smart, she would have been.
But I couldn’t seem to stay away from him. Even through her efforts and my father’s threats, there was something about Beck that made it impossible to walk away from him.
I pulled my phone out again. No new messages. Shoving my phone into my pocket, I took a deep breath before heading back to my tables to see if they needed another round. I was so ready to go home and climb into my bed.
I wanted to sleep off everything Cami had said today.
I wanted to sleep off the idea that she had been with Lucas when he had gotten the video from Beck.
I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
But by the time my shift ended, it was all I could think about. Lucas.
Why did Lucas do anything that he had done? I hated him, yet I wanted to understand him. I wanted to know what the hell ran through his head to make him the way he was.
I slept in a room across the hall from him, and he hated me enough that he would let the girl he’s fucking to post that video of me.
I climbed up the stairs one by one as the questions kept rolling through my head. Beck still hadn’t text me and that just made my mind race harder. I wanted to trust Beck. I wanted to understand everything that was going on around me, but I didn’t.
I didn’t know what came over me or why I decided it was a good idea, but I didn’t stop my feet until they were planted directly in front of Lucas’s door. I hesitated as I raised my hand to knock, but I didn’t do it for long.
I could hear him moving around behind the closed door, and it only took him a minute before he answered the door in nothing but a pair of gym shorts.
"Yeah?" He looked as confused by the fact that I was standing outside his door as I felt.
"Are you fucking Cami?" I didn’t know why that was the first question that popped out of my mouth, but somehow it felt like the most important one. It felt like the one question that I truly needed the answer to.
"Hello to you too, sister." Lucas moved away from the door and picked up his gaming remote before plopping down on his bed. He left his door completely open so I took it as an invitation and walked inside before closing it behind me.
"You didn’t answer my question." I leaned against the door to relieve my tired feet.
"If you had asked me a serious question, I might have." He was staring at the TV and didn’t spare me a glance.
"It was a serious question. She told me that she was the one who posted that video and that she got it from your phone." He finally looked at me. "She told me that the two of you were fucking."
"She’s insane." He shook his head. "You’ll believe anything anyone says to make your precious Beck look innocent. Won’t you?"
My chest bloomed with doubt. I had no reason to believe Lucas. No reason at all, but those simple words from him made me doubt all the words Beck had said before.
"So, you’re not fucking her?" I asked my question again as my heart raced.
He paused his game and looked me over from head to toe. "No, Josie. I’m not fucking her."
There was a long stretch of silence between us, and I wasn’t sure what to say.
"You know. I’m not some fucked up monster like you think I am." His eyes were clouded with pain or anger, I couldn’t tell which. "You believe everything anyone says about me, but they don’t know shit."
"Did you give Cami the video?" I asked him exactly what I needed to know. I knew that Lucas and I could never go back after what I knew, but there was some part of me that couldn’t stand the thought of him being the one to post it.
"I did." He nodded, and he actually had the nerve to look guilty.
"Why?"
"I don’t know, Josie. I was pissed off that he had sent me the damn video in the first place and Cami was here to pick something up from Dad, something for her father, and when she asked me to send it to her, I thought she was going to use it against Beck. I didn’t realize she was going to post it online."
"Would it have made a difference if you did?" I asked as I clenched my fists at my sides.